“I am beyond apologizing for my family,” Elizabeth sighed, as she and her husband entered their salon at the Palazzo Mocenigo and settled themselves on a richly tapestried sofa. The servants had been ordered to bring them a light meal, before they sought their beds, quite exhausted, for it was past midnight when they returned home by gondola from the Carnivale festivity.
“My dear, we long ago determined such sentiments to be absurd,” Darcy replied. “Do you mean me to apologize every time Lady Catherine treats us to a specimen of her outrageous rudeness?”
“Certainly not. Her temperament and manners are all her own!”
“Well, no more do your sister’s morals or behavior reflect upon yourself, as you know perfectly well. Though after her performance tonight, I can see why you might require some comfort.”
“You know me so well,” Elizabeth said with a full heart. He pressed her hand and she took a long breath and was able to smile up at him. “Still, my feelings aside, now there remains the problem of what we are to do with her.”
“It may be prudent to delay our return journey to England, until we see what will happen. There is no telling at this point, is there?”
“No. Will Wickham leave that opera singer and return to Lydia? And she in the arms of Lord Byron at this very moment! Has there ever been precedent, among people not altogether savages, for any thing so shocking? Neither party with a particle of shame.”
“Human nature being what it is, you may be sure sinners have sinned before,” answered Darcy. Elizabeth silenced him with a look, as the maid appeared with a pitcher of chocolate and some little pastries.
“Thank you, Sally, that is all we require; you may retire now,” said Elizabeth, stirring her chocolate. After a silence, she said thoughtfully, “If Lydia will leave Lord Byron, I believe we have a duty to bring her home to her children. But what if she wishes to continue the connexion?”
“Not much danger of that,” Darcy replied. “It isn’t what she wishes, but Byron’s habits, you know. He is known for dallying with many women, and stays with none for very long.”
At that moment the tall ornately-framed glass doors to the gardens opened, and in walked none other than Lydia and Lord Byron, she in a high state of dishevelment, and he in ordinary breeches and shirt, having divested himself of his friar’s costume.
“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Darcy,” he said easily, “forgive my intrusion, but I thought you would not object to my bringing your sister home to your apartments.”
“Is she here for good, then?” Darcy asked abruptly. “Have you done with her, Your Lordship?”
None disconcerted, Byron answered, “Oh, yes, I think so. The young lady staying with me – Angelina, have I mentioned her? A girl of eighteen in her first year of marriage – well, she has objected most violently to my bringing home Mrs. Wickham. In fact, she has had to be restrained. The passions of these Italians, you know.”
“Oh, mio Byron,” cried Lydia, “do tell them what a horrid girl that Angelina is. Calls herself a countess, but I declare, she is not a lady at all! Why, she went for me with her sharp little nails, like a cat, and Byron had to restrain her, he did. She ripped my hair, and only look at your pretty white silk gown that you lent me, Lizzy – it is in tatters, and the headdress is quite lost. I am sorry for that, for I should have liked to wear it to another ball tomorrow night.”
“Heavens, not another ball!” Elizabeth exclaimed.
“No fear of that. I have no more patience for these wild Italians than you do. How can you allow such a creature to stay in your palazzo, Byron mi caro?”
“She is hiding from her husband, who might kill her if he knew where she was,” Byron returned unconcernedly. “But I shan’t keep her much longer. I am done with concubinage.”
“You say that, Byron?” asked Darcy incredulously. “If tonight is any illustration of that statement, I can hardly say that I believe you.”
“You must understand my meaning, Darcy. Women are my weakness. I am the first to admit that. Why, I ought to be writing into the night on my next Canto of Don Juan at this very moment, but where am I? Caught between two violent women. Pretty preferment, I must say.”
“Me!” protested Lydia. “When it was that baggage Angelina who pulled my hair positively out! You cannot call me the violent one!”
“Certainly not, you are all sweet reason. It is women in general of whom I speak. They have all but ruined me. If it were not for my fatal turn for the sex, Darcy, I might have accumulated a great deal more money, I assure you.”
“But, Lord Byron – surely you are your own master. Why must you behave in such terrible ways?” Elizabeth could not help asking. “Surely it can lead to nothing but misery, both for you and others.”
He turned and looked at her seriously. “I will tell you, Mrs. Darcy. I believe that I shall not live long, you see. My health is already compromised, with fevers, and weakening, and weight gains and losses. I am certain I shall not live past my thirties. Therefore I conclude that I must live whilst I can, for the night cometh, it cometh. And making love to women is life to me. Or part of what passes for the thing – the act makes me feel alive, any how.”
“I do not understand how you can equate so many casual liaisons with the joy of life,” Darcy told him, his brow contracted in disapproval.
“Each man is different, in respect to these things, as you surely must know, Darcy; and you have drawn a lucky lot in your wife. You have a marriage of true minds and hearts, and therefore no reason to roam. My purpose has been to scribble my poesie and make all the money I can, spending what I got by my brains, on my bollocks, while I had a testicle remaining. All that, however, is now at an end. At last I perceive it has not been a fruitful course, and has not answered.”
“You must be drunk,” said Darcy in disgust. “Such language before my wife.”
“And before me,” said Lydia indignantly. “I am just as fine as Lizzy, I can tell you.”
“I did not mean to offend,” said Byron wearily, “but when I left England I ceased being prudish and adopted certain Italian peccadillos. It has been enough. I am tired now of promiscuous concubinage, I tell you, and would like to find one single woman, docile, beautiful, and not too inconveniently afflicted with brains. I might be able to fall in love with such a creature, if one exists. Then I might live in peace, and be undisturbed in my scribbling.”
“I am sure I could be the very one to make you happy, Byron,” urged Lydia.
“You! Corni Cazzo da Seno!”
“What does that Italian talk mean? It is very rude not to speak in English.”
“It is a very rough expression. Darcy would not be pleased if I translated it before ladies.”
“Oh, but I must know! You must tell me. And Lizzy does not have to listen. Cover your ears, Lizzy.”
“Well, then, it is a Venetian expression that means ‘Penis in earnest,’” he replied, with a side look at Elizabeth, who did not raise her eyes. “A sad way of swearing they have here,” he said half apologetically. “Add the translation to my list of offenses.”
“You seem to be a veritable man of sorrows, Byron,” exclaimed Darcy, “and I am almost inclined to pity you, even against my better judgment. Though profane language cannot help matters.”
“I do agree, Lord Byron, that it would be better if you did settle down with one honest woman,” said Elizabeth, leaning forward and fixing him earnestly with her beautiful dark eyes. “Shuttling between this Angelina and my sister Lydia is not a course calculated to make any one happy. A man as intelligent as you, must surely know this, and I hope you will come to your better self.”
He bowed, and kissed her hand. “Thank you, Mrs. Darcy, for that. I should have expected you to tell me I ought to go back to my legal wife, though I never shall, this side of hell.”
“Perhaps I have been affected by Venice myself,” she mused, “to think so laxly. But there would be no purpose in wasting my breath in useless advice.”
“And you shall have more satisfaction than most advisers receive, for I shall heed what you say. I go back to my quarters now, to write until dawn, like a good boy. I bid you farewell, Mrs. Wickham, and wish you a safe journey back to England.” He bowed again.
“What!” screeched Lydia. “You are leaving me – just like that? When I left my husband for you? I am a respectable English woman and you shan’t jilt me, like some Italian jade!”
“Jilt implies a proposal, Mrs. Wickham, but may I remind you that you are married – and so am I, as has been said. Being married to other people, we can never wed, and there was nothing in having a quick toss in the little room at the Teatro to make you think so. It does not signify.”
“You said you loved me,” she wailed, “and it was really you who tore my dress in your passion, not Angelina. Boo – hoo – hoo – I love you so, mio Byron!”
“You don’t even know me,” he said patiently. “But cheer up, madam. This episode leaves you with the power of boasting of your intercourse with Lord Byron for the rest of your life.”
“Did you ever hear anything so conceited!” cried Lydia, her tears turning to outrage. “And you have ruined my good name. You had better not speak of it to any one!”
“I shan’t, I promise,” he agreed. “But you will.”
She resumed her gulping sobs, though less violently. “Oh, cheer up,” he said, “I will tell you a funny story. It’s a bit beastly, but just to your taste. Will you like that, madam?”
“You only want to shame me, and treat me as a common ba-a-a-wd,” she cried. “I don’t want to hear any dirty yarn from you.”
“Yes, pray have done, Byron. There can be no farther way that you can offend us.”
“To prevent more embarrassment, I believe I shall retire,” murmured Elizabeth.
“Oh, for goodness sakes, Lizzy,” urged Lydia, blowing her nose. “Why must you always be such a priss? You are a married woman, not a virgin, and can’t be shocked by any thing, after living in Italy for all these months, for Heaven’s sake. Go on, milord Byron, if you must.”
“Well. Once a young man at Ferrara detected his Sister amusing herself with a Bologna Sausage. He said nothing, but later, perceiving the same Sausage presented at table, he got up, made a low bow, and exclaimed ‘Vi riverisco mio Cognato.’”
“But I don’t know what it means,” protested Lydia. “If you’re going to say vile things, you must translate them for me.”
“It only means, ‘I pay my respects, my brother-in-law.’”
“Great God, Lord Byron!” said Darcy indignantly. “Upon my soul, have you gone completely mad? What possible lapse of judgment can compel you to spout filth in our company?”
“Mr. Darcy, my apologies, indeed. I was only trying to jolly poor Mrs. Wickham, who needed a parting laugh,” Byron said penitently. “Forgive me, but I judged you and your gracious wife as people of the world enough to overlook a childish joke in a good cause.”
“Well, if you are quite done exposing yourself, Lord Byron, it is enough. Permit me to say that your acquaintance has been an experience, but one that I dare hope may not be repeated soon. We bid you good night, and farewell.” said Darcy with finality, opening the glass doors and ushering him out with a sweeping gesture.
Lydia burst into tears. “Oh, do you think he will ever, ever come back? I would have stayed with him – been his inamorata, and he my cavalier servente.”
“You cannot afford him, Lydia,” Elizabeth informed her calmly. “Nothing happens in Venice without money. Have you not learned that much?”
“But only fancy being the lover of the greatest poet in the world! I could ask for nothing more!”
“The greatest poet in the world seems to possess an entire harem of lovers, Lydia,” Elizabeth pointed out, “and you do continually keep forgetting that you are the wife of Mr. Wickham.”
“All of Byron’s ladies are married, and it does not stop them from doing any thing they choose. I don’t see why I can’t be one of them if I want,” she pouted.
“Well, you had your chance. Now, wipe your face and get ready for bed. Let us hope, shall we, that Wickham will return in the morning.”
Lydia wiped her tears with a torn edge of the ruined silk gown. “Yes, I had forgot, he has all that money and jewels now from that woman.” She brightened up. “There was so much he must be quite rich. I dare say we could afford to go back to England and the children.”
“That would be of all things to be desired,” said Lizzy.
“But where is the scoundrel?” asked Darcy.
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I apologize for any ribald expressions that have been used in this story, in hopes they have not offended any gentle readers, but I hasten to explain that I wrote none of them myself. The spicy bits are all verbatim quotes from the Letters of Lord Byron, and as such, count as literature!
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I am enjoying your tale of the Darcys in Venice very much. Your writing brings back the magic of the place for me. Thanks for entering me in the drawing for your beautiful bracelet.
Thank you so much for reading, Barbara – I am so glad if the story is reminding you of Venice’s magic. Writing it does that for me, too.
Lydia never changes! Another interesting installment. Lovely bracelet that you made. Thank you for fun giveaway.
Looking forward to next chapter.
Surely that’s one certainty in life, Linny – Lydia will never change! Glad you like the bracelet, you are in the draw.
Fun story, gorgeous bracelet, – is there anything you’re not able to do. You must be one of those “6 Accomplished Women” I keep reading about in ff. Thanks for the entertainment.
So happy you are enjoying the story, Cheryl. But no, I am not any kind of accomplished woman! A few years ago I bought some lovely Venetian glass beads in a store that was going out of business, and because I do love beautiful things and had been an art student as a kid, I designed them into a few dozen necklaces and bracelets. But I had no idea how to MAKE jewelry. Stringing beads sounds simple, but it is a quite involved craft, and I was too busy working full time plus writing etc., to take that on as a hobby or business. A woman with jewelry making skills hung out at the cafe where I did my writing, and I paid her to do the stringing, to my design. It was really huge fun while it lasted, but the lady moved away, and I ran out of beads! Anyway, that’s the story behind the giveaway bracelet.
Thank you for sharing this. I wasn’t aware that Byron had known he was sick from his lifestyle for that long.
Well, observers say that he was overweight and not looking well, as if he was closer to 40 than 30, at that period, and I did get those quotes from his letters in 1819, the time of my story. “For the Night cometh,” and “I have quite given up Concubinage,” and more. Anyway, moody and mercurial as he was, it didn’t seem like a stretch that he’d be sick of his own behavior sometimes. And anyway – it’s fiction! He didn’t really have an affair with Lydia, after all. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and thinking about it…
Thoroughly enjoying the farce! It’s fun watching Darcy’s futile outrage at Byron and Lizzie’s ongoing exasperation with Lydia. Most interesting and amusing tale And the bracelet looks lovely
I am so delighted that you’re enjoying my Venetian imaginings! And you’re in the draw for the bracelet.
Another wonderfully entertaining episode of the Darcy’s Venetian adventure. I think I am already entered in your drawing. If not, may I please be added? Thank you and I look forward to the next installment.
Indeed you are entered, and I am so very happy you are enjoying the story, Beth Janelle!
Thank you for this. What a fabulous instalment. I laughed out loud and in Public too — how shocking!
Dear me, Daphne! Sorry if I drove you to such drastic behavior!
Another wonderful chapter, in fact I enjoyed it so much, I re-read all the others in this tale.
So Lydia got dumped by Lord Byron, can’t say that’s a surprise. Let’s hope that Wickham turns up soon, and that they both depart Venice, leaving the Darcy’s to continue their Italian adventure in peace. But I highly doubt that will happen, it is Wickham and Lydia after all, but we can hope.
Nice bracelet by the way.
Thank you for reading the whole bunch of stories, Sarah P! I’m not done yet, so stay tuned for more Venetian wild rides. You are entered for the bracelet.
It’s quite the tale with the Darcy’s and Wickham’s in Venice and I cant help but chuckle at the outrage and the unchanged Lydia! The bracelet is lovely, I would love to be considered 😃 Can’t wait to hear more of the Darcy’s adventures in Venice!
Thanks, Sophia, you are entered in the draw, and I’m so glad you are enjoying the visit to vixenish characters in Venice!
Oh-My-Gosh!! I thought Lydia and Wickham couldn’t fall any further in my esteem. Well, esteem is a strong word, perhaps my indignation. Yes, that’s it… my indignation. LA!! Perhaps you should have prefaced this post with a rating or a warning. This post may contain language beneath the dignity of society considered respectable. Byron-ish frivolity, ribald stories, Italian profanity, slurs involving women, demonstrations of a lax moral fortitude… on second thought… if you did that, there wouldn’t be room for your post. Carry on.
Can’t have Lord Byron without all those things, J.W. Garrett (ribaldry, frivolity, profanity and the rest)! And since that part’s true, I get realistic license to use it! If you still have any esteem left for Lydia and Wickham, I confess myself to be surprised…
I can’t believe the Wickhams. Thank you for sharing the excerpt and for the giveaway, the bracelet is beautiful.
Dear DarcyBennett, the Wickhams leave me speechless too. But we shall hear more from them!
What a mad, bad, and dangerous chapter, Diana–and delightfully naughty too! It was so much fun to see Lydia get her commupance from Lord Byron.
Mad, bad and dangerous is just right, Miriam dear! I thought I ought to take out the raffish bits, but Paul said “Never delete a joke,” so I didn’t, and of course it’s the part everybody likes best! See you next time.
A wonderful episode, the concluding one I presume? I read it by the pool at Secrets resort, Huatulco Mexico, on our second to last day here, while nursing a cold, and after having seen the super blood wolf moon last night, and experiencing a third small earthquake this morning! I would love to read more!
Hilarious fun! Hopefully, Lydia won’t write of the interlude. As Byron said, “It is bad enough to kiss and tell; it’s worse to f**k and publish”. BTW happy Byron’s birthday (tomorrow)!
Yes indeed, Sallie, Happy Byron’s Birthday to you, too! I hope his spirit does not mind my presenting him in this wild light!
I’m still laughing. Darcy is more outraged than Elizabeth. I’m surprised Elizabeth didn’t get angry over the torn gown. Love this!
Ann Myers, I am SO glad you laughed! That is what I live for! (grin) I am very sure indeed that Elizabeth WAS angry about the gown, how could she not be, but there was so much awful stuff going on, the gown was the least of it! But it’s so typical of “thoughtless Lydia,” isn’t it.
It is even funnier that the words are from Lord Byron’s letters! I would have expected Darcy to ask Elizabeth to leave or take her away over the language. Italy has changed them. Thank you for the excerpt and giveaway of the beautiful Venetian bead bracelet.
Hi Eva – yes, when you can use Lord Byron’s letters in a story, it is great fun, but I’m just not sure if they raise or lower the tone! Yes, Darcy and Elizabeth have been in Italy for awhile now, and they are pretty long-suffering when it comes to Byron as their neighbor. I am starting to think that they will be glad to get back to England. ..
I so look forward to your installments of this story. It is entertaining and informative. The bracelet is beautiful!
Thank you for saying that, Jane! I do some research for these stories, because all the historical and artistic details are fun to read about, and they add color. Glad you like the bracelet!
How low can Lydia go? She’s an absolute disgrace as is her dissolute husband. If she does get hold of any money from Wickham she should replace Elizabeth’s gown for a start.
I think Darcy and Elizabeth should abandon Lydia and Wickham, go home and spend their money on the couple’s children as it would surely be better spent that way?
Hi Glynis, I know one thing, for sure. If Lydia had even a LOT of money, it would never once enter her vacuous head to offer to pay for Elizabeth’s gown! Never in all this world. We shall see what happens next…
Lydia, Lydia, when will you learn?? To go off, deserting her children to play in Europe, have affairs with Byron (and who knows who else) while Wickham goes off to have affairs with other women, and Lydia wonders why Elizabeth and Darcy are shocked!!
Byron was quite the character, though! When my husband and I visited Trinity College, the tour guide pointed out the huge fountain in the middle of the square in which Byron apparently bathed regularly, going to and from his rooms completely bare.
And speaking of “bare,” Byron reportedly kept a baby bear as a pet in his college rooms for quite some time. I would have hated to have been Byron’s RA in college–yikes!!!
That bracelet is gorgeous, Diana!! Bracelets are my favorite pieces of jewelry, so I’m hoping very much to win it! I adore handmade jewelry!! (I’m currently wearing a bracelet made from glass beads with two sets of three lava beads onto which I can put essential oils to boost my mood; I often wear citrus oils with a smidge of peppermint.)
Thanks for the lovely chapter of this story and for the generous giveaway!!
Warmly,
Susanne 🙂
Now, Susanne, you know as well as I do that Lydia will never learn! Thanks for telling me the detail of Byron bathing in the Trinity fountain and going bare! My goodness. Well, it fits in with what we know of him – and I did know about the bear! Your glass and lava bracelet sounds gorgeous. I have a blue lava one too, and love it, but Venetian glass beads are my absolute favorite. I’d love to show you my whole collection some time, I think you’d like it!
Yes, your collection of bracelets would be amazing to see, Diana!! 😀 Do you have any photos of them on Pinterest or elsewhere?
Warmly,
Susanne 🙂
Lydia and Lord Byron…it is not surprising that there little indiscretion didn’t continue. Both are rather mercurial in nature…until the next shiny new thing captures their attention. One may be talented and but cynical and the other just looking for diversion. Thank you for this glimpse into the lives of Darcy and Elizabeth and the ever impulsive Lord Byron. His daughter’s life was fascinating though!
The bracelet is lovely and thank you for a chance at winning it! I like the story behind it too!
Thanks for commenting, Carole. Mercurial is the word for those two, the complete lack of impulse control. It’s fascinating to watch (or imagine) the fireworks, though, I think! Good luck in the draw.
Beautiful bracelet. Enticing story. Thanks for the offerings.
You’re welcome, and thanks for commenting, Betty.
Can an outsider sneak in with a comment? This episode is charming and appalling at the same time, and everyone is behaving in exact accord with his or her character, if any. Very well done, Diana!
I love your comment, Claiborne, and thank you so much for it. “Charming and appalling” is exactly what I most hoped to achieve! And such observations from you are most prized, and make my day. Thanks again.
I had nearly given up on hearing anymore of Darcy and Lizzie’s trip to Venice! Thank you so much for the posting! So amusing to see Lydia taken down a notch!
Thank you for reading and hanging in there, Hollis! There will be more…the journey is not at an end! Best wishes on Byron’s birthday.
If nothing else, at least Lord Byron is honest with Lydia. She just can’t realize what he is saying.
Not that I want to see Wickham return – but if he can take Lydia away from the Darcys it will be worth it.
A lovely bracelet – thanks for offering it to your readers.
Thanks for commenting, Mary. Yes, I think Lord Byron, for all his foibles, is basically honest. Lydia, on the other hand, is always childlike in wanting what she wants, and never will be different. I’m glad you like the bracelet, and you are in the draw!
I’ve not been following the story as it was posted, Diana. But I like and enjoy what I read so far. I would not have thought the Darcys would be in the same company as the notorious seducer Lord Byron as they are very different in nature and temperament.
Will go back to Part 1-7 to read the beginning. I ‘ll hope you’ll complete the story and work towards the release.
Author
Thank you, Luthien – I’m glad you like it enough to go back and read the beginning! Then you’ll see how the Darcys and Byron got together. It’s interesting you mention releases, as that’s on my mind. I have many stories put together like this one, which could easily be finished and released as novels, but I haven’t had the desire to do it. You see, I did publish (conventionally) some years ago, but publishing has changed from what I knew, and I am now thoroughly daunted by the idea of self-publishing and self-promoting. I see my sisters in Austen do it, with great success, but it’s just so daunting to me to figure out all the new processes! Last year my husband was ill and I couldn’t do anything, but he’s doing well now, and my own energy has returned, so I am planning to look into publishing. I’d particularly like to get out my Northanger Abbey novel in time for the JASNA AGM in October, whose theme is Northanger Abbey! Thanks for inspiring me to spill my anxieties!
Author
Barbara 3 (Barbara Holland) is the winner of the hand made Venetian glass bead bracelet! Congratulations, Barbara, and will you please let me know your snail mail address so I can send it? You can write to me at birchalls@aol.com, or else send me a Facebook IM. I hope you will enjoy the bracelet!
Where can I find all these chapters posted in order?
Thank you for the question, I’m glad you’re interested! The book is nearing completion and will be published in 2025. Until then, I’m afraid the only way is to look for my name under the Authors at Austen Variations, and scroll back through time. Extremely unsatisfactory, I know, but it won’t be long now!