The Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles
by Jack Caldwell
The Austen Interviews – An Interview with Colonel Fitzwilliam: the sequel
JACK CALDWELL – Hello, everyone—Jack Caldwell here. I couldn’t just leave you hanging after my initial interview with Colonel Fitzwilliam. [It can be found HERE] Besides, he has a sword.
So, I’m happy to welcome back to this studio beyond Space and Time the ladies’ favorite stud-muffin!
COLONEL FITZWILLIAM – I assume you are speaking of me, and not Colonel Sir John Buford.
JC – Now, would I do that?
CF – Yes, you would.
JC – You know me well. Let’s get down to the salient point. I do not kill you in THE THREE COLONELS, since you are a major character in the sequel, ROSINGS PARK.
CF – I appreciate that. By the way, how is the writing going?
JC – Slow, I’m afraid.
CF – Well, get to it, man!
JC – Working on it. But, I’d be careful what you wish for. You don’t know the plot.
CF – What do you mean by that, sir?
JC – You’ll find out. In our last interview, we discussed how a loud-mouthed plot device like yourself became the female reader’s pet redcoat, primarily due to the 1995 adaptation.
CF – Thank you, Andrew Davies!
JC – Due to that, the fan fiction authors can’t leave you alone.
CF – It keeps me busy, thankfully.
JC – You’ve replaced Charles Bingley as second banana to Fitzwilliam Darcy.
CHARLES BINGLEY (offstage) – I heard that!
JC – No shouting from the peanut gallery!
CB (offstage) – When do I get my interview?
JC – You’ll get your chance, eventually. Now, pipe down, Chuckles!
CF – “Chuckles.” I like that.
JC – Fits, doesn’t it?
CB (offstage) – I heard that, too!
JC – Nothing wrong with his ears. Back to the interview. Fan fiction authors have embraced you, not only as Darcy’s confidant, but as a romantic figure, as well.
CF – A hard job, but I endeavor to persevere.
JC – I’ll say. You get around. You’ve been romantically linked to Anne de Bourgh, Caroline Bingley, Georgiana Darcy (ugh), Charlette Lucas, Charlette Collins (infidelity, anyone?), Maria Lucas, Mary Crawford, Jane Bennet…
CB (offstage) – WHAT!? Not my angel!
JC – Shut it, Chuckles! As I was saying, Mary Bennet, Kitty Bennet, Lydia Bennet (???), several Original Characters (whom I can’t mention, due to copyright issues), and even Elizabeth Bennet.
CF – All the girls I’ve loved before…
JC – I almost forgot Elizabeth Elliot. Anyone else I’ve left out?
CF – A gentleman never says.
JC – So, who’s your favorite lady?
CF – A gentleman never says.
JC – C’mon! The fans want you to spill!
CF – Not a chance. Besides, you yourself cannot make up your mind. You’ve paired me with Anne de Bourgh, Charlette Lucas, and Caroline Bingley.
JC – Not all at the same time.
CF – Pity.
JC – Now you sound like Wickham!
CF – Is there any question why? Several authors have me playing the villain.
JC – Not me—yet.
CF – You plan on it?
JC – No, but one never knows what my muse will come up with.
CF – She is a harsh mistress, and imaginative too. Besides the hussars in the Napoleonic Wars, I’ve been a police officer in modern-day New Orleans in CRESCENT CITY, and a ranch foreman in post-Civil War Texas in PEMBERLEY RANCH.
JC – My favorite version of you was in PEMBERLEY RANCH.
CF – My accent was controversial.
JC – You were an American cowboy, for cryin’ out loud. Of course, you had a twang. You had a cameo in THE PLAINS OF CHALMETTE.
CF – Caroline was right. This is about selling your books. Are you going to mention every novel I appear in?
JC – Besides THE COMPANION OF HIS FUTURE LIFE and MR. DARCY CAME TO DINNER? No.
CF – Are you planning anything else?
JC – We’ll see. Do you have anything you want to tell the fans?
CF – No. After all, I have no character, as you’ve pointed out in the last interview.
JC – Blame Jane Austen.
CB (offstage) – Is it my turn yet?
JC – No!
CF – By the way, when does Darcy undergo the inquisition?
JC – Are you kidding? Darcy and Elizabeth are untouchable! The fans would kill me if I inflict this treatment on them. Besides, supporting characters are much more interesting.
CF – Speaking for us supporting characters, I thank you.
JC – Thanks, Colonel. Friends, is there anyone you’d like to see interviewed? Let me know below.
CB (offstage) – What about me?
JC – Until next time, I’m Jack Caldwell of The Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles.
19 comments
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a good giggle Chuckles should get a go too would be good to hear from him too.
Author
You have a point. After all, I’ve done Jane Bennet: https://austenvariations.com/the-cajun-cheesehead-chronicles-the-austen-interviews-jane-bennet/
Chuckles would send us all to sleep regaling us with tales of his angel.
Unless you ask him very awkward, squirm-worthy questions, in which case, I’m in.
I can’t help it, I love Col. Fitzwilliam. Has anyone done a twist on him blabbing by having him know exactly who Lizzy was and told her about Darcy separating Chuckles from his angel for mischief/nefarious purposes? He’s usually written as long suffering and humorous who has to put up not only with Lady Catherine but Darcy as well.
Author
There are several fan fiction stories that have him as a rake — or worse. If you want links to the sites,just pop over to my website: https://cajuncheesehead.com/. Have fun surfing!
I love the Colonel and I loved the interview. I also love that you are keeping my favorite plot device so busy. I can’t wait for that book to come out Jack. Hint hint. I loved The Three Colonels, and it will be fun to see what they’ve all got up to since then.
Author
Working on it now — the poor guy. (Now, just what does he mean by THAT?)
Great interviews! I would like you to interview Caroline Bingley. I have a feeling she will have a very biting tone towards Elizabeth and you.
Author
Eva, go to https://austenvariations.com/the-cajun-cheesehead-chronicles-part-2-of-2-by-jack-caldwell/ for my sit down with the one and only Caroline Bingley!
I hope you won’t be offended when I say that Three Colonels ranks within the top three of all the many JAFF novels I’ve read to date. It seems that I’m always interrupting my reading and proofreading to reread the scene of the breakfast following Sir John and Caroline’s wedding or the battle at Waterloo. Now I’m really looking forward to Rosings Park, so please hurry your muse to ‘get ‘er done’!! I’ll be more than happy to be one of your ‘Beta Babes’.
With reference to your two interviews with Colonel Fitzwilliam … surely you could get him to commit to something! All his gentlemanly dodging should be no match for the guy who ‘created’ him! Nonetheless, the interviews are cute, particularly with Chuckles … what a nincompoop!
Author
Wow. Thanks for the kind words. I hope ROSINGS PARK will meet your expectations!
Hmmm….I would love to see you interview Lydia Bennet, even perhaps, her mama.
Sorry, forgot to say this interview was funny.
Author
Thanks. Mrs. B horned in Jane Bennet’s interview (see link above), but I suppose she would want her share of the conversation with any of her daughters. Now Lydia might drive me crazy. Just sayin’.
Haha! The Colonel certainly adds a little ‘spice’ to the story even if he is only a plot device! Great interview and let’s hear from the peanut gallery! Charles should have his turn but I wonder if Jane, his ‘angel’, will give you a hard time if you are too rough on him! I think she has more backbone and than we are led to believe!
Author
I’ve written Jane both ways — tough and not tough — so we’ll see.
I’ve started and discarded many Austen inspired books because I am a an admitted snob who will not continue if the writing is not up to snuff. (I’m not a writer, hence the cliche I just wrote, but I recognize and appreciate good writing.) However, The Three Colonels captured and held my attention. I enjoyed it very much and thought the character development was spot on. I actually felt like you were writing about people I knew very well but hadn’t heard from in a long time. It was wonderful to read what they’d been up to. The romance was fun, sexy and not icky in any way. Finally, the book had a believable story line and much heart. I’m very much looking forward to Rosings Park.
Author
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I’m working hard on making ROSINGS PARK a worthy follow-up to THE THREE COLONELS.
Love your sense of humor, Jack. Enjoyed the ‘Three Colonels’ and loved ‘Mr. Darcy Came to Dinner.’ Will check out your other interviews. 🙂
Author
Thanks!