Lady Lucas could not be insensible of triumph on being able to retort on Mrs. Bennet the comfort of having a daughter well married; and she called at Longbourn rather oftener than usual to say how happy she was, though Mrs. Bennet’s sour looks and ill-natured remarks might have been enough to drive happiness away. Pride & Prejudice Chapter 23.
In the opinion of Mrs Bennet, the plainer the girl, the lighter the skirts. Every lady had her own sort of allurements, only some ladies’ allurements were less visible. But no less powerful for it, Mrs Bennet owned grimly pouring tea for the ladies who had called on her that morning. For herself she might have done with Lady Lucas staying home for once–for she had been calling nearly every day to acquaint Mrs Bennet with this detail or that, or ask some foolish question that was no question at all but merely a hidden boast. Just two days ago Lady Lucas had asked, with an air of great innocence, if the closets at Longbourn all had shelves for the parsonage house at Hunsford had very well-fitted shelves in all of them.
When she had gone away that day Mrs Bennet had hoped for a long respite between the next time she endured her society but no, it was too much to hope for. Mere seconds after Mrs Goulding had arrived with Mrs Long, there she was at the door.
“You must be so pleased,” said Mrs Long, to Lady Lucas, “to see your dear girl settled at last, and so advantageously!”
“He does have a very agreeable air, does he not?” Mrs Goulding offered.
“Louisa, have more cake,” Mrs Bennet said firmly. In her opinion the less said of Mr Collins’s agreeable air, the better. More like a bag of air in her opinion. Hot air.
“Of course, you must acquaint us with all the plans,” Mrs Long continued, ignoring Mrs Bennet’s entreaty to take more cake. “Will there be a bridal trip?”
Lizzy had thought it unseemly, the haste with which Mr Collins had proposed to Charlotte Lucas after her own refusal of him. However, Mrs Bennet would have wagered her new sofa that the unseemly part of it had happened before the proposal. It would not have been the first time Lady Lucas had ‘accidentally’ left a young bachelor alone in a room with Charlotte—Mr Collins was just the first who fell to it. Lizzy knew nothing of that sort of thing of course.
“Charlotte is eager to set up her new home,” Lady Lucas admitted. “So they will go into Kent immediately after the wedding.”
In other words, Mr Collins had not the funds to give his wife a proper bridal tour. Mrs Bennet scarcely refrained from scoffing openly. Now if Mr Bingley would only come back and propose to Jane, you could be sure they would have a lovely bridal tour. Italy perhaps, or even Greece!
“Does Mr Collins have any family to help them?” Mrs Long enquired whilst finally nodding to Mrs Bennet to accept more cake.
“I am afraid,” Mrs Bennet said, “that Mr Bennet is his nearest relation. His own father died very lately.” By her tone, she made it very clear that she thought this was indeed a failing. What sort of man had no relations nearer than a cousin who had not seen him his entire life! Twenty-five and in possession of no relations whatsoever? Absolute nonsense. A man ought to have some relations, not merely a father who up and died on him.
“It is shame,” Lady Lucas agreed with a sorrowful shake of her had. “Of course he is very dear to his noble patroness. From his own reports, it seems she intends to do a great deal for them. I had it from him directly that the lady herself intends to visit his wife in her new home! Just imagine that! Such a grand lady, instructing my dear Charlotte directly!”
The other two made the appropriate noises of delight and approbation while Mrs Bennet herself struggled not to roll her eyes. I daresay this Lady Catherine puts on one stocking at a time, same as the rest of us. In any case how many times did they need to hear that Lady Catherine would visit the new Mrs Collins? She herself had heard it on no fewer than four occasions, including in his proposal to Lizzy!
“Still,” said Mrs Goulding, “no matter what his noble patroness does, there is nothing like family.”
From the manner in which she said it, it seemed she thought the Bennets ought to do something for them. Mrs Bennet frowned.
It would be a handsome gesture if she would have something for the couple, some celebration on behalf of his side of the family. Lady Lucas could not do everything for them; heaven only knew it would stretch her capabilities to put together an elegant wedding breakfast.
For a moment, Mrs Bennet lost herself in thought of what Jane’s wedding festivities would have been like. Certainly nothing at all like what Lady Lucas was presently describing to the other two ladies. She did not think she would do a salad plate. Not do a salad plate! All the most elegant wedding breakfasts had a salad plate. People needed it, to offset the sweetness of the wedding cake. Really, Lady Lucas knew absolutely nothing about hospitality, she was certain of it.
But when, some hours later, she reported this egregious notion to Mr Bennet, he was so nonchalant on the matter, it could only vex her further.
“When I think,” she said, “that it might have been Lizzy’s wedding we were planning and instead, it is Charlotte Lucas who carries the day!”
“Indeed she does my dear, but I have faith that my little Lizzy will do well enough for herself in the end. She need not succumb to such a creature as Mr Collins, even if he is the heir to this estate.”
“And now we have to have him here. Here! Of all places! Why should he not stay at Lucas Lodge? It simply begs belief.”
“Likely because it is not entirely seemly to have an engaged couple staying in the same house.”
Mrs Bennet scoffed. “If you think they mean to protect Charlotte’s reputation, I will assure you that ten to one that ship has sailed.”
Mr Bennet chuckled at her. “No matter how she got him, she did indeed get him and I daresay Elizabeth is much happier for it.”
“Well I am delighted that Lizzy is happy for I have been nothing but distressed since she refused him and my nerves can scarcely take these calls from Lady Lucas. She comes to do nothing but boast you know. Ten times I have heard the same things about this same dull event she is planning for Charlotte.”
“No one ever thought Charlotte would marry,” Mr Bennet said reasonably. “They are all filled with delight at being proved wrong.”
“Mark my words,” Mrs Bennet said in dire accents, “next time I see her coming down the lane, I will not be at home to receive her! I shall hide in my bedchamber before I am forced to endure another morning call hearing about Charlotte’s triumph! I should likely take my bed in any case for all of this has made my head very ill, and the tremblings of my nerves has not let up in days. Days, I tell you!”
“That seems grievous indeed,” said Mr Bennet, rising from his chair. He bent and kissed his wife on the top of her cap. “Only console yourself with this, my dear. In another few weeks it will all be over and we shall never have to endure such ill-use ever again.”
She might have believed him sympathetic, were his eyes not twinkling in that way they did when she amused him. She heaved an enormous sigh. “Well Maria and Susannah are yet at home although Susannah has just begun to put her hair up, even they will not be looking to settle her so very soon. Pray Mr Bennet, you must promise me you have no more cousins for them! I cannot countenance the notion of another Bennet marrying a Lucas girl!”
“You have my word, Mrs Bennet, that if I have any other eligible male cousins, I shall disclaim them immediately.”
And with another kiss on the top of her head and a nod, he was gone, likely to hide in his book room and Mrs Bennet was left to her dissatisfied rumination and private assurances to herself that she would do more than ever to make sure her girls were settled advantageously. Better than advantageously! With men wealthier than those Lucases could ever imagine!
“Oh if only Mr Bingley would return!” she lamented.
2 comments
Beautifully written Amy and very much in the flavour of Jane Austen. I think Jane might have been a little harsher and less sympathetic to Mrs Bennett’s plight but I like your version nonetheless. I’ve always felt that Mrs B was somewhat justified in her desire to get her daughters married well. After all what was to happen to her in her widowhood? Anyone in her situation would worry. She knew only too well that she would need to rely on the generosity of others to survive. I understand her anxiety perfectly.
This is a great example of how Mrs. Bennet has some sense — when she has been scorned, at least! At last she realizes that Mr. Collins is full of hot air or that Lady Catherine is just human, like all the rest of them!
Also, what a perfect opening line for this vignette: “In the opinion of Mrs Bennet, the plainer the girl, the lighter the skirts. ” Oh, Mrs. Bennet — are you calling dear Lydia plain, too? 🙂
Oh, and you’ve captured Mr. Bennet’s wit so well. Wonderful vignette, Amy!