Becoming a Pirate

Welcome to our Austen Variations Monthly Theme – Fantastical Austen! You will find just about anything goes this month!  My one mash-up novel was ‘Pirates and Prejudice’ and I thought I would share an excerpt from it. How does one prepare to become a pirate, especially if you are the fastidious Fitzwilliam Darcy? When he is asked to impersonate a pirate because of the resemblance he has with the dreaded Lockerly the pirate, he has to learn the part. This was really fun to write, and I hope you will enjoy it, as well!

“Here we are! Yer trainin’ – Lockerly – will continue ’ere.”

The carriage door was opened and Darcy began to step out, but Foster stayed him with his hand. “One more thing. I’ll no longer be Foster. Me new name is Forrest, an’ Evans an’ Lindel are now Ellis an’ Lansing.”

Foster did not wait for Darcy’s response, but extended his hand for Darcy to step out and directed him towards the house.

As Darcy walked towards the small structure, Foster called out, “A lit’l more swagger an’ a limp might be nice!”

Darcy tightened his jaw and then did what Foster said. He heard the men snicker softly.

They entered the small home, and the aroma of bread baking and some sort of meat dish greeted them. Darcy wondered how long it had been since he had eaten a decent meal.

He was shown to his room, and Foster turned to leave, saying, “We’ll be eatin’ in half an hour. Clean yerself up… but only jest a little.”

The room was small, but Darcy was grateful it was clean. The last place he had stayed – before being thrown into a gaol cell – most likely had not been cleaned in months. An opened satchel was on the bed, and when Darcy peered in, he saw clothing.

He was anxious to get out of the clothes he was wearing, but when he pulled out a white shirt with ruffles down the front and billowing sleeves, much like the sails on a ship, he threw it back down into the satchel.

He shook his head. “I refuse to wear this nonsense!”

He walked to the basin and picked up the pitcher. He poured water into the basin and dipped his hands into the cool water, bringing them up and splashing it onto his face. His fingers ran over his stubbly beard, and again he wished for his valet’s attention. How much he would love a bath. How much he would love – and desperately needed – a shave.

He picked up a towel and patted his face dry. At least that part of him felt clean. He walked over to a mirror and braced himself for what he would see when he looked into it.

The person who stared back at him seemed a stranger to him. His hair was longer than was deemed decent, just brushing his shoulders. The natural curl was flattened with oil and grime. His beard had filled in a good deal since the last time he had seen his reflection. His eyes were red, and dark shadows lay beneath them. His lips were dry and cracked, and he wore a scowl. Perhaps he actually was turning into a pirate!

Darcy let out a huff and sat down on the small, narrow bed. He was tempted to lie down and fall asleep, hoping he would wake up from this nightmare. But the nightmare was not only having to pass himself off as a pirate, but having to face the accusations about his character that Elizabeth Bennet had attributed to him.

The dinner bell rang. Good! He would push that thought aside for now and enjoy a decent – he hoped – meal.

He walked down the hall to the small dining room and found the three men already there. He greeted them with a nod of his head.

“No need fer all that formality, Lockerly,” Foster said with a smile. “Jest come in an’ sit down wi’ the rest of us.”

“Thank you,” Darcy replied.

“Now where’d ye learn all yer manners, Lockerly? No need to say please an’ thank ye to us.”

Darcy sat down, deciding he would not speak unless spoken to. He placed the cloth napkin on his lap.

“No, no, no!” Lindel cried out. “Ye ’ave no need fer a napkin! Yer shirt sleeve’ll serve the purpose better.”

“You mean the shirt in my room with sleeves big enough to sail a ship and ruffles that should only be worn by a woman?” Darcy shook his head. “Indeed, I shall not wear that!”

“Ye must look the part, Lockerly, in addition to speaking an’ acting the part.” Foster took some potatoes from a bowl and set it back down in front of him. “But there are other shirts in there without the ruffles. Ye ken wear those.”

“Good! Please pass me the potatoes, Foster.”

Foster was looking down at his plate and turned his head slowly, lifting only his eyes to Darcy. “Who is ye talkin’ to? Me name is Forrest an’ I’ll do no such thing. Ye’ll reach across the table for ’em, as ye’ll do fer anything else ye want!”

Darcy sat there for a moment stunned, and then suddenly he began to chuckle. Then he began to laugh out loud.

“What’s so funny?” Evans asked.

Darcy shook his head and extended both hands. “This! All this! I would have loved to have gotten away with this behaviour as a child, but having proper manners was instilled in me with severe repercussions if I exhibited otherwise. It has been so long that I have lived that way, that it has become a part of me. I am really not sure I can do this.”

“Trust me,” Foster said. “By the end of our stay ’ere, ye’ll not think twice ’bout ’aving to speak or act a certain way.”

By the time Darcy retired for the evening that first day, his mind reeled with everything the men had tried to teach him. The inarticulate din that had been coming out of his mouth caused him to shudder. But if he had hoped that having a diversion such as this would rid his mind – and his heart – of Elizabeth Bennet, he was mistaken. Every mention of ridding him of his gentleman-like behaviour made her accusation as fresh as if it had happened yesterday, not just over two months ago.

*~*~*

After four days of loathsome preparation for his role as a pirate, Darcy grudgingly donned the wardrobe that he had earlier refused to wear. He walked to the mirror and looked in dismay at his reflection. The clothes he saw on his person were suited for the most flamboyant pirate, definitely not for him. He grumbled as he beheld the loose white shirt with billowing sleeves, the bright red sash about his waist, a double breasted jacket with large gold buttons, and boots with garish bronze buckles. His hair now hung in loose coils that peered from beneath the tri-corn hat and almost touched his shoulders. His beard and moustache were nearly as thick as his hair, but fortunately, not as curly. Despite the warmth of the day, he was tempted to don his oilskin coat just to conceal his ridiculous appearance.

Before venturing out to be seen by anyone in this outlandish garb, he sat down at the desk. It had been far too long since he last penned a letter to his sister. He was uncertain what he should say to her, but he knew it must be written before they set out for the ship.

He dipped the quill in the inkwell and put it to the paper. Usually the words flowed as easily as the ink flowed from the pen, but this day they did not. He knew any hint as to what he was about to do would worry Georgiana.

He read the letter several times once he had finished it, hoping he had not written anything that would alarm his sister. She knew him so well, and he hoped any indication of his former state of mind or his present circumstances would not find its way to her. Once satisfied, he folded the missive, sealed it with wax, and addressed it to Pemberley, Derbyshire.

Darcy picked up the one last piece of his pirate’s wardrobe: a thick gold chain from which hung a large ruby surrounded by gold nuggets. He twirled the chain around his fingers a few times, and then clasped it tightly. He refused to slip this around his neck.

When he stepped out of his room, carrying both the letter and the ruby, he came upon Evans.

“Whoa! I ken’t believe me eyes! It’s Lockerly fer sure!”

Darcy held out his letter. “Ev… Ellis, would you be so kind as to have this letter mailed?”

Evans leaned in towards Darcy. “Would I what?”

Darcy closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. “Would ye see that this ’ere letter be mailed?”

Evans took it from Darcy. “O’ course.”

“One more thing, Ellis.” He held out the ruby, dangling from the heavy gold chain. “You really expect me to wear this? I could never wear something this pretentious!”

“I’m sorry?” Evans replied. “What was that ye said? I cuddunt quite unnerstand ye with those big words ye use.”

Darcy let out a huff. “I can’t wear this! I could never wear somethin’ as appallin’ as this!”

“That is much better, Lockerly. Yer speech ’as so much improved. But, aye, ye must, for you, Lockerly, are known for wearin’ precious jewels that you have seized!”

Their eyes locked in a gaze, and Darcy tugged at his beard. “I fear Lockerly is bein’ a bit more cautious about the jewels he used to flaunt until he knows he ken trust ’is crew. He will not be wearin’ it.” He held out his hand, and Evans took the jewelled chain from him.

Evans chuckled and shook his head. “If ye insist.”

Here are links to Pirates and Prejudice:

Amazon
Audible