Confessions & Correspondence: Jane’s Hopes for the Future

Welcome to our epistolary retelling of Pride & Prejudice! Jane Austen’s original version of the story, First Impression, was told entirely in letters, so it seemed like a great group project. We’ll be posting a new letter every Wednesday. 

Jane’s Journal

June 17, 1812

Today was a very pleasant day. The weather was fine, and Lizzy and I walked out into the garden again, talking and cutting flowers for the table. It is perhaps selfish of me, but I am glad to keep her here with me for a while longer, her Northern tour with my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner having been postponed until next month.

I cannot speak for Lizzy, but if we two could remain always together, I feel as if I should be perfectly content. My dearest sister’s company would be my consolation for… for all other disappointments. And yet I know that cannot be. Lizzy will marry or I will. We must, as Mama reminds us almost daily. Then we may be separated by miles and miles, seeing each other but rarely with letters being our only means of maintaining that sweet fellowship we are so used to enjoying.

I must resign myself to such a fate – not only losing Lizzy’s company but, if I am asked, marrying someone to whom I am indifferent. I had once hoped to marry for love, of course. But such opportunities are rare, it seems, and my chance has already passed me by. If only Mr. Bingley had… No! I do not mean that. I have vowed to think of him no more, and I mean to keep my promise! Clearly I was mistaken in believing him partial to me, and six months is long enough to indulge my regrets on that head.

It is time to become reasonable again. After all, there is no earthly reason why I might not be happy with somebody else in time. If I marry without love, as many women do, love will likely follow. But only if I can resist the temptation of comparing my husband to some imagined ideal from the past. Such a comparison would be grossly unfair. Unfair and unwise. I must earnestly pray for the strength to resist doing so.

Or perhaps I shall be spared that temptation altogether. Perhaps, if Lizzy were to marry exceedingly well – a man like Mr. Darcy, only one she could like a good deal better – then I might be relieved of the necessity of marrying myself. In that case, I might stay at Longbourn to care for Mama and Papa through their old age.

Such an employment would not be odious to me. Indeed, it would be an honor as well as a solemn duty – one to which I flatter myself that my temperament is well suited. Then, when I am no longer needed, I might be invited to live with Lizzy and her husband as a doting aunt to their children.

She has often teased that she will likely end an old maid endeavoring to make herself useful by amusing my many children. Perhaps it will be the other way round in the end. I begin to think that entirely possible, even likely. It amuses me to think of it being so.

In any case, I hereby resolve to exert myself to cheerfulness – for my own equanimity and for the sake of my dear family members, who are inclined to worry over me a good deal more than they should. God is merciful, and I trust He will give me the ability and grace to make the best of whatever circumstances come my way.

So no more thoughts of the past. No more regrets over what might have been, or dwelling on what can never be. I shall look to the future with hope, waiting to see what it holds in store for me. This is my earnest pledge.

Read all the letters from Confessions & Correspondence here!