Austenesque Relationship Advice…in Just Six Words!

A Georgian Valentine by Elizabeth Cobbold

Happy (Almost) Valentine’s Day!

Lately, I’ve found myself wondering what relationship advice Austenesque characters might give their future children. So, I “invited” our favorite characters to share their advice here, on this estimable blog!

(There was some bristling at this request; indeed, a few characters found it quite shocking to share such private words with the public! But even the proudest, through hard experience, have learned that they have no control over what I make them do. Ah, the indignities of existing in the public domain!)

Terrible taskmaster that I am, I also required the characters to give their advice in only six words! (I’m trying to practice concision these days, and what’s more concise than that famous six-word “story”: “For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.” It’s often misattributed to Ernest Hemingway. Whoever wrote it understood the power of concision!)

So, here we go: our Austenesque favorites forced to share their relationship advice to their children, in public, and in only six words! Can you guess which character wrote which piece of advice?

1. Vex him by matchmaking your friends.
2. Son, remember: no insults while proposing.
3. Be meek, but stand firm, too.
4. Distress her with nonsense about muslin.
5. Jump! (Where you land matters not.)
6. Seek advice, but heed your heart!
7. Be headstrong! (Fine eyes help, too.)
8. Avoid sisters, especially the married ones.
9. Ask first: are you already engaged?
10. Get rejected, then ask her friend!
11. If she disdains your profession, run!
12. Eloping? Go to Gretna, not London!
13. Accept the man; beware the patroness.
14. Idle, ignorant, only eighteen? Don’t propose!
15. Read! (Not too many Gothics, though.)
16. Sprained ankle? Don’t get carried away!
17. Write a beautiful letter; it helps!

What six-word suggestions would your version of these characters give?