Yet More Proposal Scenes by Jack Caldwell #3

Greetings, everyone. Jack Caldwell here.

This month, our theme is “Will You?” That’s right, it’s a month full of proposals, the good, the bad, and the ugly! Most will probably melt your pudding, but you might just see a stinker in the bouquet. We all need to laugh, right?

Okay, I didn’t write the above. But I have written several proposals in my many novels. I couldn’t pick just one, so I’m sharing my favorites with you over the next three weeks. I’m generous that way. We have to do something or we’ll go insane.

THE COMPANION OF HIS FUTURE LIFE includes three humorous proposals. I couldn’t choose one, so I posted all three. Call it my contribution to relieving the stress of what we’re all going through. So, sit back, get a cup or glass of your favorite beverage, and enjoy.

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From THE COMPANION OF HIS FUTURE LIFE –

(The first one is set at Longbourn. Lady Catherine de Bourgh has come a’ calling, intent on stopping Darcy from marrying Elizabeth. This time, Darcy is there.)

Never before in his life had Darcy wished to strike a woman. His anger at his aunt and his confusion over Elizabeth’s behavior had brought him to his breaking point. He was on the verge of losing control.

“Ah! I see your little minx returns!” Lady Catherine sneered.

Darcy was so amazed at her crude words he forgot to be insulted. He turned and beheld his beloved walking across the lawn with what he now recognized as deceptive calm. He paid no attention to the ranting of his aunt as the lady grew closer.

To his immense relief, Elizabeth gave him a slight nod and mouthed, “Forgive me” before taking her place beside him, raising her hand to take his arm. As she did, Darcy noted that she displayed a haughty and seemingly disinterested air—an expression he had never seen Elizabeth exhibit before. For an instant before turning back to his aunt, he wondered whether he appeared as cold when he assumed such an appearance.

“So, it is true! You are then resolved to have him?”

Elizabeth answered in an unemotional voice. “I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you or to any person so wholly unconnected with me.” As she finished speaking, Elizabeth slightly squeezed Darcy’s arm.

Lady Catherine was highly incensed. “You have no regard, then, for the honor and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?”

Darcy had begun to growl a retort when Elizabeth interrupted him. “Lady Catherine, I have nothing further to say. You know my sentiments.”

“You refuse, then, to oblige me. You refuse to obey the claims of duty, honor, and gratitude. You are determined to ruin him in the opinion of all his friends and make him the contempt of the world!”

The old biddy turned to her nephew. “Darcy, what of your family? Your cousin Anne? Where is your duty there?”

“Neither duty, nor honor, nor gratitude,” replied Darcy, “have any possible claim on me in the present instance. No principle would be violated by my marriage to Miss Bennet, should such a marriage take place. As I tried to make plain to you, I am not attached to my cousin Anne, or she to me. On this, we are in perfect agreement. I would suggest you speak to your daughter before presuming to speak for her.

“And with regard to the resentment of my family or the indignation of the world, if the former were excited by Miss Bennet marrying me, it would not give me one moment’s concern—and the world in general would have too much sense to join in the scorn.

“I would add, Aunt, that I have been exceedingly generous to allow such an interview. I cannot speak for Miss Bennet, but my patience is at an end! Allow me to be rightly understood, madam. I will brook no further interference by you into my personal affairs, or into anyone that is closely connected to me. By that I mean any relations I may have in the future.”

Lady Catherine’s eyes grew wide at this, but she was not permitted to interrupt. “The family of the companion of my future life is my family, and thus falls under my protection. Do not be so foolish as to fall foul of my good graces! You know my power.”

Lady Catherine blanched. “You would not dare.”

“Do not tempt me, madam.”

At this, Elizabeth’s reserve cracked momentarily. “Lady Catherine, shall I show you to your carriage?”

In the manner displayed previously, Lady Catherine talked on until they were at the door of the carriage when, turning hastily round, she added, “I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased!”

Elizabeth said nothing as the footman closed the door of the carriage, and it drove off down the lane. She felt, rather than saw, Darcy approach her from behind.

He was very close when he said, “Elizabeth, I must beg your forgiveness. You have done nothing to deserve such treatment from my family.”

She turned and faced him. “I am sure she meant well.”

With a look of open astonishment on his face, he said, “Meant well? How can you defend her so? I have a right mind to banish her from—” The twinkle in her eye gave her away, and he laughed in a relieved manner. “You are teasing me, I see. It is well you can take the matter so.” She walked into his open arms. “I am not so merciful, I fear. I have not your kind heart. A failing—forgive me.”

“It would be wrong of you, sir, to think I am untouched by what has happened today,” she said into his coat as she happily snuggled close. “But I recall that this dream of Lady Catherine’s is of distant creation and of long duration. I fear it will take no little time for her to reconcile herself to the destruction of all her hopes. In time we may be, if not forgiven, at least tolerated. I pray that Anne or the Collinses will not have to suffer her wrath in the meantime.”

“They will not, if Lady Catherine does not wish to provoke my displeasure.”

She looked up. “You are before your time, sir. I had not expected you to Longbourn while my sister and her husband were in residence.”

He looked down at her with an ardent expression. “You are correct to think that it was not my wish to spend any more time in their company than I already have, but to own the truth, I could not abide to be apart from you any longer, Elizabeth.”

“So, you have come to collect your reward, Mr. Darcy?”

Confusion showed on Darcy’s face. “Elizabeth, I told you, I expect nothing for my actions. It was an honor to be of service to your family. It is my fault that—”

“Ask me.”

“—Wickham was free to—I beg your pardon?”

“Fitzwilliam, ask me.”

Darcy’s eyes darkened. “Miss Bennet, would you do me the very great honor of accepting my hand in marriage?”

Instead of answering, she threw her arms about his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. It took a moment for an amazed Darcy to respond, but when he did, he returned his lady’s affections ten-fold. The passion in their kisses stirred him, and only with the greatest of efforts was he able to push away.

“I see I shall have to be careful of you, sir,” Elizabeth shakily uttered into his chest.

“Elizabeth, I cannot say I am sorry, but I must control myself. Have I embarrassed you?”

She still could not look him in the face and smiled into his shirt. “I assure you I am unharmed. Do not be uneasy, Fitzwilliam. You did not do anything I did not desire.”

“So you are not displeased?”

She blushed. “No, in fact, it is rather comforting.”

“Good, for after we are married, I shall spend much time demonstrating how comforting I can be, my love,” he said roguishly. “May call you ‘my love’?”

She kissed his chest. “If you do not, I shall be most seriously displeased.”

Darcy chuckled. “Oh, you are clever!” Her reward for her wit was another kiss. “Should I go to your father now?”

Elizabeth seemed to consider the question for a moment. “Fitzwilliam, would it be too much to ask to wait until our guests are gone? I would much rather not deal with their false congratulations.”

Darcy sighed. “As much as I want your father’s blessing, I must agree with you. The less time I spend with them the better.”

Elizabeth released him. “I do not believe my father will withhold his blessing, dearest. You are quite his favorite now. He cannot wait to invade your library at Pemberley.”

Darcy smiled. “If that is the price for having you as my wife, then I will pay it gladly.”

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Also from THE COMPANION OF HIS FUTURE LIFE –

(Meanwhile, Charles Bingley is trying to apologize to Jane Bennet for his idiotic behavior and beg for a second chance, while Jane is trying to find the words to tell Bingley she has changed her mind about him,)

Jane and Bingley walked slowly along the lane between Meryton and Longbourn in silence, she with her hands clasped before her, and he holding his horse’s reins as the creature trailed behind. They had not said ten words between them since exchanging self-conscious greetings a quarter hour before.

Bingley was in a quandary. Since his first disastrous proposal, he had endeavored to prove to Miss Bennet that he was his own man, that he could be a husband, master, and provider without constantly seeking the advice and approval of others. He had accomplished his goal of helping the Bennet family during the Wickham matter, but he felt he failed, as well. He could not have succeeded if not for Darcy. He was sure that Jane knew all. There were no secrets between her and Elizabeth. How could he secure his future happiness if Miss Bennet still felt he was unworthy?

Bingley was afraid to begin, and how long they might have remained in this state no one could tell, had not the sound of a rushing carriage startled the pair out of their common misery.

“Miss Bennet! Watch out!”

Without another moment’s hesitation, Bingley released his horse, seized the lady and pulled her out of the path of the oncoming vehicle. Rolling on the grass beside the road, they could barely make out a woman’s cry of, “Stupid farmers—out of my way!” as the coach dashed past. The carriage did not stop, and by the time the couple was able to sit up, it was halfway to Meryton. Bingley’s frightened horse was galloping back to Netherfield.

“Good heavens! Are you uninjured, Miss Bennet?”

“I am well, Mr. Bingley. I believe you have saved us from an unfortunate accident.” Jane’s hair had come undone, and her dress was dusty, but to Bingley’s eyes, never had she looked more desirable.

“Thank God! Oh, Jane, had anything happened to you—I could not bear it!” His hands grasped her shoulders. Overwrought by his feelings, Bingley blurted out, “Oh, my dear, dear Jane! Have I any chance of succeeding? I know I am not much of a man, but I will try to be what you need, what you deserve. I vow to protect you always! Can you not give me some sign that you feel in any way kindly towards me?”

“Oh, Mr. Bingley! I am so sorry for the pain I must have inflicted upon you. Please forgive my wicked words. Oh, how they have haunted me! To say what I did—you have been so good, so kind—”

“Jane! Please, you must see—you must know how I adore you! Please say you will be mine! I swear I shall prove worthy of your trust!”

“How can you doubt the feelings I have for you? I love you, Charles!”

“Then you say yes? You will have me?”

“For forever and a day!” What else she meant to say was lost, as her mouth was more agreeably occupied.

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One more from THE COMPANION OF HIS FUTURE LIFE –

(Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam travels to Rosings to escort his cousin Anne de Bourgh to the Darcy wedding, and walks into a trap.)

Richard ran down the halls, disregarding the open looks of astonishment from the housekeeping staff. Grasping a banister, he whirled around and down the flight of stairs to the lowest level. In another moment, he had reached that symbol of male sanctuary, the billiards room. There he found the most disconcerting image: Anne, facing the door, leaning over to line up a shot, her décolletage shown to great advantage in her low-cut neckline—and quite alone.

“Good day, Richard.” She sniffed and struck the cue ball with her stick, sending another ball into the corner pocket. “When did you arrive?”

The colonel was speechless as he shut the door absentmindedly behind him, many improper thoughts racing through his head.

“Did you have a good trip?” she inquired as she scanned the table for her next shot.

Richard was temporarily struck dumb. He could only observe Anne move gracefully about the table. “Umm, yes. Quite a nice journey… Oh God!”

Anne had bent over again, her posterior revealing itself to be most enticing. She tried a bank shot and failed.

“Oh, fiddlesticks!” she cried. “Well, Richard, I suppose it is your turn to play.” She walked over to him and handed him the stick.

Richard took it without a thought but was taken aback by Anne’s hands lingering on his. He could feel the heat radiating from her touch. He felt as uncomfortable, as un-cousinly, as he had last spring in that very room.

Finally, his confused mind began to work. Anne is flirting with me! He grasped her hand with his, holding the stick in his left, and demanded of her, “What kind of game are you playing at, my girl?” Anne’s eyes grew wide, and Richard wondered how it was that he had never before noticed how pretty they were.

“What game, Richard?”

“This! You have obviously played billiards before. You could not have become so proficient without many months of practice. Yet you led me to believe that you needed my assistance when last I was here.”

She looked at him square in the eyes. “I thought you could teach me things.”

“Stop it! Do you know what your mother is saying? She says I should take Darcy’s place!”

Anne frowned. “Did she?”

“She did!”

“I do not believe Miss Elizabeth would care for that.”

“What? Miss Eliza— Anne, I mean that Lady Catherine demands that we marry! You and I!”

“Oh. And this distresses you?”

“No, I did not say— Anne, your mother…your mother is meddling again! She wants a union of Matlock and Rosings in the place of her disappointment over Pemberley. Anne, what I mean to say— Oh, Anne, what do you want?”

“I see no difficulty in a union of Rosings and Matlock.”

Before Richard could digest those words, the door to the room flew open.

“Colonel Fitzwilliam, I am requested by my honored patroness— Oh! Oh, my goodness! Pardon me, I did not wish to interrupt! But this is unseemly, sir! Single people alone behind a closed door! It will not do!”

“BE SILENT, MAN!” Richard pointed the cue stick like a cavalry saber at Mr. Collins. The officer turned to the lady. “You have no objection?”

“No, Richard.”

“Really?”

She looked at him through her lashes. “No, none at all.”

Richard looked at Anne for long moments, considering her statement. “Then…shall we give it a go, my girl?”

Anne’s smile was breathtaking. “Very well—I will ‘give it a go.’”

Without a thought, Richard raised Anne’s hand to his lips to seal the understanding. Once his lips touched her skin, he was loath to release her. “I suppose I should go to your mother now, Anne.”

“That will not be necessary, Richard.” Lady Catherine swept into the room, followed by Mary. “Are you satisfied with his proposal, Anne?”

“It will do, Mother,” Anne responded with a twinkle in her eye.

“Excellent. I do not understand all this carrying on about proposals. However, I am sure your late father would have given an excellent one, had he had the choice of the matter. Now, come along, Anne. We have planning to do. Kindly release my daughter, Richard. You will have plenty of time to court on your way to Hertfordshire.”

Richard let go of Anne’s hand. “Umm, of course. Planning?”

Lady Catherine gave him a withering stare. “For the wedding, of course! We cannot leave these things to chance, you know. The union of our houses requires a ceremony equal to our stature. Months of preparation are needed! Is your education that bereft? It is your mother’s doing, I dare say.”

The three women turned and left the room, talking over each other.

“Your husband shall officiate, of course, Mrs. Collins, but I will have my part of the conversation about the sermon.”

“Shall you make an announcement at the wedding breakfast, Anne?”

“Of course, she shall! We must have our share in the entertainment! I shall entrust this to you, Anne.”

“Oh, what shall I wear? Shall it be blue or yellow?”

“You do not know all the best shops, Anne. I will guide you.”

“Oh, she would look divine in blue!”

“As long as it is not white! Why anyone would marry in white is beyond me.”

As the voices faded with distance, Colonel Fitzwilliam looked at Mr. Collins in confusion. “Pardon me, Mr. Collins,” said the officer. “Perhaps you will be kind enough to enlighten me. What just happened here?”

Collins started and then closed his mouth. He struggled, and then with an apologetic look said, “My dear colonel, it has been my experience that it is well not to think overmuch at times like these. It is best that the ladies get their way. Hearken to me when I advise you that it works out for the better in the long run if one…just goes along.”

“I am engaged, though?”

“Yes, you are.”

“I see. Well, that is well.” Colonel the Hon. Richard Fitzwilliam, a newly engaged gentleman of two and thirty, sighed. “Apparently the ladies will be occupied until dinner. Mr. Collins, what say you to a glass of port and a game of billiards while we wait?”

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Until next time, this has been the Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles.

It takes a real man to write historical romance, so let me tell you a story…