The CRANKY Cajun Cheesehead Vents, by Jack Caldwell

Greetings, everyone. Jack Caldwell here.

I have, for most of my life, been what Miss Bingley would call a “great reader.” I’ve enjoyed classic literature, popular fiction, and historical tomes.

Thus, I have become a lover of words, particularly English words. According to WorldAtlas, it has been theorized that the English language has more words than any other (although the Chinese may disagree with that). It is particularly colorful and rich because it includes an enormous number of synonyms. For example, the many synonyms for the word “run” take up half a page in my thesaurus! It is why a story written by a skillful writer is so engaging. Their words become a movie in your mind.

English is also a very “accepting” language, in that it embraces and adapts words from other languages. For example, I just love the German word schadenfreude. (I suppose that says something about me.) It has also evolved from the Queen’s English to create many variants—American, Canadian, Australian, Indian, and more. In the United States, there are regional differences in the Northeast, Midwest, South, and Far West.

New words are created every day, which can add to the richness of the language—or will trivialize it.

This is what sets me off.

Below is a list of so-called words I find troubling, annoying, or just plain stupid. I do not care if Webster’s Dictionary call these collection of letters “words.” They ain’t! (And yes, “ain’t” ain’t a word.)

Unfortunately, this list is not a complete one.

ADULTING – Two words: “grow up!”

ARTISANAL – A nonsense word that makes food more expensive. Artisanal kale does not taste better, but it sure costs more.

ARTISTS – Since no one sings anymore, except perhaps Adele, musical performers are called “artists” rather than “auto-tuned no-talent pretenders.” Can we please go back to reserving this word for painters?

DISEMPOWERED – I just discovered this “word.’ Ban it now before it’s too late.

GOOGLE (as a verb) – Alphabet, Inc.’s Google — the only company that makes Amazon look good — is trying to take over the world. For crying out loud, please stop giving them free advertising! You are “searching on the Internet.”

IMPACTFUL – “Impact” is an excellent noun and a wonderful synonym for “crash” and “contact.” It is also used as a verb. “Impactful” means “having a forceful impact.” What the hell does that mean? Should I invent “crashful” ot “contactful?” Every time I hear some news reader say“impactful,” I want to show them what impact feels like. STOP USING THIS WORD!

INFLAMMABLE – “In-” before a word means the opposite of what the word means. Therefore, “inflammable” really means “not flammable.” I know this word is now firmly part of the lexicon, but try to stop using it.

INFLUENCER – What in the name of George C. Scott is an “infuencer?” A loser sitting in their parents’ basement posting endlessly on Facebook, TikTok, or Instagram isn’t an “influencer.” They’re a parasite who needs to get a real job. At Starbucks, perhaps.

IRREGARDLESS – “Ir-” before a word is a variant of “in-.” So, this means “not regardless.” Is that what you are attempting to say?

RANDO – Trying to be hip or modern can lead one to trip over one’s own feet. “Rando” is one such example. “Random” is a perfectly good adjective. Stop trying to tun it into an insulting noun.

SUPERSTAR – Included just because I have hated this word since it was stolen from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. It was overused back in day, and has fallen out of use, but I still despise it.

SYNERGY – A word invented by consultants, a sub-species of humans that suck the soul out of companies and organizations by holding evil rites called “training sessions” and “all-hands meetings.” They use made-up words like “synergy” to make the BS they’re selling with their presentations sound like it’s worth the thousands of dollars they charge instead of being a complete waste of time.

TOTES – How did a word for a “bag” become to mean “plenty?” It’s totes stupid.

VACAY – The current laziness of many Modern English users troubles me. “Vacay” is one example. Is “vacation” so difficult to say? What is wrong with “trip”, “holiday”, “break”, “escape”, “rest”, or “retreat?” Mawkish words like “vacay” give me the red ass.

VEGGIE – See above. It’s “vegetable,” people!

Rant over for now. I reserve the right to return to this subject. I’m an author, after all.

If you wish, add in the comments below words you would like to see banned. It must be a word, not a phrase, and you should explain why that word needs to be banished. I look forward to your nominations.

Until next time, this has been the Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles.

It takes a real man to write historical romance, so let me tell you a story…