Sonnets and Bonnets: an Ode to Mr. Collins

This month’s theme is Sonnets and Bonnets, as you may know. And although I intend to focus on the sonnet (poetry) aspect, I couldn’t resist throwing in a few pictures and one quote on the other side of the equation, just to be fair.  Besides, we must have pictures, and hats make better pictures than poems!

This quote is from a 1798 Jane Austen letter, which sums up her opinion of the importance of that article of fashion:

“…next week shall begin my operations on my hat, on which you know my principal hopes of happiness depend.”

Now, I didn’t choose to talk about poetry today because I’m passionately fond of it. I am not. I have tried to like it. Honestly I have. I have even occasionally wished for the eloquence to express myself in verse, for example when I’ve seen a particularly glorious sunrise (like this one).

But whenever I attempt to set something resembling poetry down on paper, it’s much more likely to end up tickling the funny bone than elevating the soul.  A case in point: the limerick.  Now that’s an art form I can really get behind, that is if you keep it clean. Here’s an example I wrote several years ago at a writers’ retreat, which, I would have you know, won 2nd place in the limerick contest:

There once was a writer of prose,

Who held his cigar ‘tween his toes.

This left his hands free,

But the problem, you see,

Was the ash, which was hard to dispose.

What do you think?  Okay, so it’s not exactly Keats or Byron. Consequently, you may be surprised to know that one of my poems has actually been published.

When I started it – this, my most successful piece of verse – I was trying to write serious poetry; truly I was. But it sort of devolved along the way, and I suddenly realized that it was sounding a lot like something Mr. Collins might say – an older, slightly more philosophical Mr. Collins. So I included it gratis as an introduction to my short story Mr. Collins’s Last Supper. And here it is. Be sure to picture him in all his pompous glory, speaking the words.

When I am gone, my fellow men with charity will cry

That such a good man, such a saint, did not deserve to die.

The eulogy will be quite grand; of this I have no doubt.

My every fault will be forgot; each virtue will sing out.

I think what gives me greatest pain in these my final days,

Is knowing that I’ll not be there to listen to the praise.

My friends will mourn me and lament. No foe will dare oppose.

But secretly they’ll all be glad its me, not them, that goes.

Mr. Collins thinking about his own mortality is entirely appropriate too, for, little did he know it, but the meal described in the short story that followed would indeed be his last! (I hope you don’t mind, but I made Mr. Collins’s early demise my first literary act.)

Anyway, I hope my dismal attempts at poetry gave you a chuckle or two.

But now it’s time for a dramatic change of subject. In case you haven’t heard, I have a brand new novel coming out May 4th ! Fitzwilliam Darcy in His Own Words – and the big cover reveal is next Wednesday, April 14th, right here at Austen Variations. The cover design was inspired by this image of Colin Firth’s Darcy,  and I think you’re going to like it! In fact, I just heard back from one of my advance readers, who said that the cover made her heart flutter.  So don’t miss it. (PS – She loved the book too!)