What does Lydia have to say about married life?
September 3, 1812
My Dearest Harriet,
What adventures I have had since I saw you! I write to you now from Longbourn, where Wickham and I have just come to visit after our wedding in London. Yes, London! Are you not surprised? Or perhaps you have already heard that our plans changed after I left you in Brighton. My dear husband (for so he now is!) knew I should prefer London to Gretna Green, and I said I did not care where we went so long as we were to be married in the end.
There was a little delay of the wedding itself, and some horrid unpleasantness with my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, but I will not take the space for such tediousness here. Only I must say that they were very ungenerous in their attentions to me in all respects. They could not be bothered to give one single party in my honor, to show me about the Town, or even to see to it that the church was tolerably filled with well-wishers and flowers for the wedding. My aunt only gave me some lilies from her garden to carry, and are not lilies more appropriate for funerals? Then there was some last minute business my uncle said he had to attend to, which vexed me greatly.
But at last we were at St. Clement’s and there was Wickham waiting for me at the altar, looking vastly handsome. La! I thought I should have fainted for happiness, and what a good joke that would have been. However, I did not faint (for I have a very sturdy constitution), and my uncle gave me away. Then the rector talked on and on—about what, I have no idea, for I was thinking only of my dear Wickham.
Now I will tell you a great secret, for I would not hide anything from you, my dear, and I know you are quite capable of keeping a confidence. Mr. Darcy was at my wedding! He came to stand up beside Wickham. What do you say to that? I never had any idea before that they were on such friendly terms, but my husband has since explained it, saying that Mr. Darcy has always had the greatest admiration for him. Now that is the kind of friend whom it is very well worth having, for Mr. Darcy is exceedingly rich and no doubt has many favors in his gift.
I could only wish that my sisters had been at St. Clement’s to see me married. Since returning to Longbourn, however, I have at least had the satisfaction of observing how they all envy me. They try to hide it, of course, (excepting Kitty, who freely admits it), looking grave and self-conscious, but I see that they are really embarrassed for having been outdone by myself, the youngest of them all. Jane had to give up her place to me, you know, since I am now a married woman. And Mary is sure to have noticed how hopeless her own situation is by comparison. But it is Elizabeth who suffers most acutely, I believe, for I daresay she wanted Wickham for herself. I did not mean to be cruel. I was just telling the story of showing off my ring to a neighbor I chanced to come across, when in fact Lizzy got so upset as to run out of the room!
Do not you think it a certain proof that she envies me? Well, I was as kind as I could be to her after that. But it is no wonder she and all the others are jealous, for my dear Wickham is the greatest catch in the world! He truly is the handsomest man that ever was seen, as well as being the boldest rider. Did not your own husband once say that he had the finest seat in the regiment? And tomorrow, when the shooting starts, I daresay Wickham will kill more birds than anybody else in the county. So I have told my sisters. They would be fortunate to have half my good luck in finding husbands. I have promised to help in that regard by putting them in the way of meeting some very smart officers when they come to visit me in Newcastle.
Poor Mama! She regrets my going so far away more than anybody else, but it cannot be helped. I am wife to a military man now, and I must follow by dear Wickham’s side wherever his duty takes him. You understand these things, Harriet, as my other friends cannot.
I hope that we may all meet again one day, but I hardly know when that may be—perhaps not these two or three years. In the meantime, you must write to me often. Wickham and I send our love to you and to Colonel Forster, and we shall remember to drink to your health, as I hope you may on occasion drink to ours.
Your most affectionate friend,
Lydia Wickham
12 comments
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Just what dream world does this girl live in? She’s certainly not part of the real world! If she was, she would realise that it isn’t envy that Elizabeth feels, or any of the others if it comes to that! At least her inability to see anything she doesn’t want to will serve her well when in Newcastle with just Wickham!
Author
Yes, denial is a wonderful coping mechanism, and she will need all the help she can get!
Is Lydia disabled? Or is it a personality disorder brought on by neglecting her education and spoiling her by granting every whim? Does she lack thinking skills? I keep wondering what an educational psychologist would make of her.
Author
Haha! I’m sure her therapist would be able to write a book (or at least a paper or two for a professional journal) on whatever is wrong with Lydia’s head.
Lydia is self-absorbed, Narcissism has been around- even though its on the increase statistically- since people have existed. While the Bennett family is an example of poor parenting style, most girls in the Regency era had a haphazard style of education.
Author
Yep. Let’s add “spoiled” to the list too. As the baby of the family, and Mrs. Bennet’s favorite, I’m sure she was petted and overindulged all her life.
Shannon,
Yes, Lydia was quite spoiled! In many ways Lydia is one of those “mean girl” types. From a Regency world view she likely was viewed as shocking and pretty much stunned people, so she got away with conduct on the shock factor alone. Her future isn’t bright.
Thanks Shannon! This letter sounds exactly like Lydia, who only thinks about Lydia. She is…can we call her narcissistic? I just thought about it and after checking the definition – “a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration; also people with NPD can be described as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.” What say you? And I wonder if Harriet remain her friend? I bet Colonel F would not want his wife to associate with Lydia. Thanks Shannon 🙂
Author
Right on all counts, Char! The definition fits her to a T. 😀
Char,
Colonel F should definitely feel guilty not being a better guardian for Lydia, so its unlikely he would have requested that his wife sever the relationship. At this point they are only going to be writing letter to each other, Lydia is stuck for some time in her new location.
Author
I suppose that’s true; she can do less damage at that distance at least!
Hey Jean Marie, true…but I bet that since Harriet is as silly as Lydia, and since Lydia is not the best letter writer, she will not write as often, as she is too busy being married etc (lol), the relationship will probably die its own death…And Colonel F may just throw the letters in the fire. LOL!