Mrs. Bennet, Wedding Planner.
“The marriage of a daughter, which had been the first object of her wishes since Jane was sixteen, was now on the point of accomplishment, and her thoughts and her words ran wholly on those attendants of elegant nuptials, fine muslins, new carriages, and servants.” –Chapter 50, Pride and Prejudice
I’ve been thinking about Mrs. Bennet lately.
This past August, I got engaged. I am all of the things brides should be: happy, excited, and also stressed. Not stressed about my upcoming marriage, but rather stressed by my upcoming wedding. You see, I hate making decisions and that’s all that wedding planning is: one decision after another: What time of year to get married? And then, where? Which photographer should we book, and which package should we choose? What style of wedding dress do I want? What flavor cake? Icing? What will our wedding colors be? And why, exactly, do we have to have wedding colors?
A few weeks ago, I was naked in a dressing room with a total stranger who was helping me wiggle into the umpteenth dress I was trying on. I liked every dress I tried, from simple boho sheaths to dramatic structured mermaid dresses. Whilst in my state of undress, I thought, “I wish I had a Mrs. Bennet. I wish I had someone to orchestrate an elegant nuptials for me, order me fine muslins, worry about a wedding breakfast menu, invite all of the guests, etcetera.” Weddings seemed easier back then. Sometimes, I wish I lived in a time and place where the flowers you carried in your bridal bouquet were the ones blooming in your garden that day, you got married by the minister of your local parish, and your wedding dress was the nicest thing in your closet. Sometimes, having choices stinks.
So if I’ve been a little MIA, it’s because I’ve been hanging out on Pinterest, trying to figure out exactly which shade of green I’d like for my wedding colors.
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My advice is to keep it as simple as possible. Choose a dress that you will be comfortable in, that you won’t be worried if it slips or is too tight to move comfortably; it’s more important than people generally think. Also, I chose my colors but then had to change the shades slightly because of what was available at that time, particularly for the bridesmaids dresses; so keep that in mind of course, as you probably already have, but just in case. Also, if you cannot decide on some detail, ask your dear bridegroom for his opinion; I know mine appreciated having his input requested even if I didn’t use it!
Anyway, best wishes for a lovely wedding!
Author
Yes, simple is best! I try to remember that philosophy when I’m on the brink of insanity. 😉
My wedding was so long ago that I can’t remember. I just know that my future mother-in-law let me know right away what was correct in the South. 43 years later she still is letting me know the correct way to dress and set a table etc. When our daughter got married they decided to gether where to get married and what the males would wear. He told his parents what they were going to do and then my husband took care of everything else except the dress…enter my mother-in-lasw. So instead of Mrs Bennet I will let you have DaddyG….he planned a wonderful wedding and everyone had a good time including the bride and groom. Don’t stress over it and remember do what you want and what makes sense to you…you want to have a good time too.
Took 2 weeks for us to organise our wedding, simple and easy and not expensive. My only advise is that the wedding is not important it is the marriage that is
Author
Sounds perfect! Yes, I agree. I’m trying to focus more on preparing for marriage, not planning the wedding. Still, it must be planned.
My wedding was small and simple nothing like I had planned in my head as a child! I was on a very tight budget and found a beautiful tea length white dress for $99 at our local dress shop at the time. I still have it but no longer fit into it! The flowers I chose had similar ones to what my mother once carried at her wedding. Unfortunately, she had passed away when I was 22 months. Her dress had been borrowed. Our wedding had our immediate family and very close friends for a total of 27 in all. The reception was held at beautiful restaurant in a Victorian house. Walking in, the room we were to have it in was not ready and I almost panicked…they changed it to the whole top floor with a sitting area for drinks and hors d’ourves and a larger room for dinner. I never chose colours and I let my maid of honour choose her dress. We had the best time and the food was fantastic!
Don’t stress the details just enjoy the day and your family and friends as that is what is important!
Congratulations!
Author
Sounds lovely! Thanks! 😀
I am single, but will tell you how my parents had their wedding in 1952.
Mom did NOT want fancy. She wanted a suit but couldn’t find one she liked, and opted for a pink organza dress from Gimbel’s and a hat with a tiny veil.
On their wedding day, Dad took the subway from Manhattan and picked Mom up at her apartment in Brooklyn. They went to a florist and had a bouquet made up, stopped in at a photographer to have a couple of pictures taken, and took the subway to Manhattan for the ceremony.
Afterwards, everyone traveled together back to Brooklyn where my mother’s stepfather (and one of the best men I have had the privilege to know), surprised her with an informal spread from his deli. Everyone was all over the apartment and spilling out onto the sidewalk. From the pictures, it couldn’t have been better.
No dancing, no band, no huge expenses, and a lot of joy.
Author
That sounds like my dream wedding. Thanks for sharing you parents’ wedding story.
My sister had the big shindig with all something like 11 bridesmaids and a sit down dinner. You know those that the wedding photographer had to get so far back to get everyone in the shot that the resulting picture is hard to identify people? LOL I wanted the antithesis of that. We (hubby and I) talked about dates and narrowed it down to when the weather was best. Picked a location we could use for free and then their available dates narrowed ours down to a pinpoint. I poked around on the internet until I had a good idea of the dress I wanted, walked into the bridal shop tried one on, paid $99 and left with it. LOL It was pretty much a stress free event. There were 13 people at the wedding and about 40 at the reception. Nearly 16 years later, I don’t regret a thing. Make it fun, make it simple and focus on what really matters. The days AFTER the wedding. Congrats and good luck!!
Author
Sounds like a wonderful wedding that was very special for you both.
Thanks so much!
We were both in our mid-30’s and had family and work friends. However, we did it elegantly and relatively inexpensively and paid for it ourselves. I already had a wedding gown from an engagement which ended 2 weeks prior to the wedding in a rather spectacular fashion from HIM. Check dress. We had a “high tea” reception: champagne punch, punch, tea, coffee, elegant hors d’ouvres, cake and a classical duet. We did have a photographer. Total attending was over 150; total cost was under $4,000.
Author
High! Tea!! Reception!!!!
I love the cake and punch reception idea.
Congratulations! Whatever you do, do it for yourself because you both like it and want to! Very happy for you!
Author
Thanks, Kara!
Congratulations, Jessica. Keep your wedding simple and have fun!
Author
Fun is the most important thing. I think it’s going to be a great day.
Congratulations! You’ll have to keep us updated on all the details as things progress. Having fully planned and paid for 1 wedding which then never occurred (seemed bad at the time; now I file it under the Blessing In Disguise category!) I now think, if I ever got the chance again, I’d elope to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go! Or at least having a very small ceremony. I’d just say have fun, do what y’all want to do, your way and when you put on The Dress, you’ll know right away it’s The One. 🙂
Congratulations! Whatever you do keep it simple and do what works for you. Remember, it is your wedding and the only ones you need to please are you and your future husband. (I had a small wedding, 50 people flowers, appetizers, dinner, wine & a wedding cake and NO DANCING. We didn’t dance then and still don’t dance.). It is your day. Enjoy it.
Totally agree that having a Mrs. Bennet is good for things like this — then you don’t have to make any decisions and you know it will be all taken care of. But then again, there have been a lot of P&P variations where Mrs. Bennet has horrible taste, or wants to do something totally against what her daughters really want. So you have to make sure “your” Mrs. Bennet jives with your tastes! But I liked the idea you floated of flowers from your garden, and everything very personal and simple. I would personally find Pinterest overwhelming in this case!
I’ll add my congratulations to the others, and the hope that you don’t get too stressed! The important thing is the outcome… you’ll be married! So everything else – even the stuff that doesn’t go quite right or as planned is just part of the story, and you know that the ending will be right! Best wishes!
We were in such a daze at our wedding that neither my husband nor I could remember it afterwards until the pictures came & we reconstructed it. So I do recommend a photographer. My daughter as a child used to love to take out the wedding album and show her friends the time “When Mommy was a princess”.
A few months after the wedding we came back to visit my parents and were offered wedding cake. My husband said, “There was cake???”
I do wonder at these people who put so much store in planning their wedding. I knew a female engineer who spent weeks going out after work every night to find the perfect pew decorations. I was surprised an engineer would hold those as a priority. In our nearly 46 years of marriage, neither my husband nor I have ever bemoaned the lack of pew decorations at our wedding!
You only want a groom, a dress, a venue, a ceremony, a license, friends, food, and maybe a bouquet. Don’t worry about a colour or theme unless that’s important to you. Some people DO put more effort into the wedding than into the marriage; that’s fine if that works for them, but how perfect the wedding is or isn’t in no way predicts the happiness of the marriage. And of course the things that go wrong at the wedding make the most memorable stories – in the years that follow the wedding, it is only the mishaps that get mentioned and laughed over, not the things that went right and certainly not those blame pew decorations!!!.
I wish you every happiness.