Mr. Darcy Came to Dinner 10^th Anniversary, by Jack Caldwell

Greetings everyone. Jack Caldwell here.

Ten years ago, I published the funniest novel I have written to date: MR. DARCY CAME TO DINNER – A Pride & Prejudice Farce. I’d like to deeply thank those of you who have been so kind to read it, and a special thank you to those who have left a review! For y’all not familiar with the book, it is a variation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, blended with the classic Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman comedy, The Man Who Came to Dinner.

From the back cover:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

In this humorous re-imagining of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet’s pet cat causes an unfortunate accident to befall the haughty Mr. Darcy, forcing the injured gentleman to reluctantly take up residence at Longbourn—more specifically, in the parlor of Longbourn.

In pain, forbidden to leave by his doctors, Mr. Darcy cannot escape the ridiculous antics of the Bennet clan. And when Georgiana Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and Lady Catherine de Bourgh arrive to visit the invalid, chaos, confusion and hilarity ensue!

Inspired by the classics of comedy, author Jack Caldwell transforms Austen’s beloved novel into a tour de force of farce.

The Regency will never be the same!

A cat figures greatly in the plot. As an in-joke, the feline is Cassandra, the name of Jane’s Austen’s beloved sister.

An author loves all his books, like a father loves his children. Each one has a favorite scene or two. Mr. Darcy Came to Dinner has more than its share. Allow me to reveal one of them. Mr. Darcy, trapped in the Bennet household, is trying to read, but is interrupted by an annoying Lydia Bennet. The subject of Georgiana Darcy comes up in the conversation:

“Oh. You are a good brother to Miss Darcy.”

“I try to be. She is all I have.” Darcy had no idea why he was opening his heart to this strange girl.

“She has beautiful dresses and pianofortes and jewels—she does have jewels, does she not? Big emeralds and rubies and pearls?” Lydia’s eyes gleamed. “Oh, I wish I had a rich brother!”

“There is more to being a good brother than dresses and trinkets. Georgiana has had the opportunity to study under masters of art, music, and literature. These are gifts that will last a lifetime, long after the dresses are rags and the trinkets are forgotten.”

Lydia deflated a bit. “I still wish I had them. Miss Darcy is very accomplished, though.”

“She has worked very hard to become so.”

“Miss Bingley thinks she is accomplished, but she is nothing to Miss Darcy,” Lydia said with no little spite. “Neither are we.”

“I disagree,” Darcy said. “True, you ladies have not had Georgiana’s advantages, but you and your sisters have made the most of what you have.”

“Perhaps. Lizzy is good on the pianoforte, and Jane does beautiful embroidery.” She gazed at the fireplace. “But the rest of us have no talent at all.”

“Miss Lydia, you do a disservice to your sisters. Miss Mary is working very hard to improve herself on the pianoforte, and Miss Kitty’s drawing is very fine.” He lowered his voice. “You should not tease your sister. She has done a lovely portrait of you.”

Lydia looked up, puzzled. “Is that so? She never showed that to me.”

“Can you blame her? She says you mock her work.”

Lydia shrunk back into the chair. “I…I do not mean to hurt her feelings! I just—oh!” She hung her head, as a tear ran down her cheek. “It is just that they can do all that and I cannot.”

“Have you tried?”

“Yes, but the pianoforte is so hard, and all my drawings look as if Cassandra had an accident on the paper.”

Darcy sat back, observing the wretched girl. “You remind me of someone I know.”

“Who? The village idiot?” she mumbled into her chest.

Darcy bit his lip so as not to laugh. “Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there were two sisters—two princesses. Both were very beautiful, but that was all they had in common. The elder princess was kind and good and paid attention to her lessons. She became very accomplished and attracted many admirers. She had her pick of any man in her father’s kingdom, and many knights and earls and dukes vied for her hand. But instead, she fell in love with an untitled gentleman, renowned for his wisdom, wealth, and good humor.”

The story caught Lydia’s attention as he continued. “Her father, the king, was surprised at his daughter’s choice and questioned her closely about it. She was steadfast and would not give up her lover, and in his turn, the gentleman made an excellent impression upon the king. The king granted his permission, and the pair made a very happy marriage. They raised their children to work hard, respect all people, and marry with affection.”

“Was the gentleman handsome?” asked Lydia.

“I suppose he was. Allow me to finish my story. The younger princess was not kind to those beneath her and did not attend to her lessons. She found them difficult. She was also very proud. She wanted to be the best at anything she did and cried very much when she was not. But she could never be as accomplished as her sister because she would not put forth the effort.

“She finally decided that if she could not be a true proficient, she would not try at all. Why should she play music or draw or write? She was a princess, after all. She would have people do that for her. She also decided that as she was a princess, she should marry only for rank and prestige.

“Unfortunately for her, tales of her pride and haughtiness were told throughout the kingdom. Few nobles wanted to spend their lives shackled to such an unpleasant woman, even if she were a princess. After many years, the king finally found a knight willing to marry her. The princess agreed, for she had no other suitors. However, the two did not get along, and their marriage was filled with acrimony. Their arguments would only end with his untimely death a few years later.

“The princess lived on as his widow, holding court in the knight’s ancestral home. Few came to visit, for those who did, quickly tired of her boasting and conceit. To the end of her days, the princess would belittle her betters by proclaiming that her unimpeachable taste was superior to all, and that she would have been an extraordinarily accomplished woman if she had so desired it.”

“What a silly woman!” said Lydia, who had hung on every word. She paused a minute. “You think I am like the younger princess?”

Darcy smiled kindly. “You do not have to be. Look to your sisters’ example. Miss Mary and Miss Kitty went to Meryton not to buy bonnets or finery but to acquire items that will help them become accomplished in their chosen art.”

“I was wondering about that. Mary only spends her money on religious books, and Kitty has no money, as I borrowed it all for a…” Her voice trailed off. “Wait! How do you know what they are buying in Meryton? From what you said to Mrs. Annesley, you already knew!” She pointed accusingly at Darcy. “You do know! You are buying their music and paints!”

Caught, Darcy said nothing.

Lydia frowned. “Why are you doing that?”

“They truly wish to become proficient in their avocation.” He gave Lydia a hard look. “And they have been kind to my sister.”

“I am sorry about that!”

“So you have said.”

Bold as brass, the girl asked, “If I apologize to Miss Darcy, will you buy me something?”

“Do you believe I buy my friends or my sister’s friends, Miss Lydia?”

Lydia cringed. “I am sorry! I say stupid things sometimes!”

Yes, yes she does.

I hope those of you new to this work will give MR. DARCY CAME TO DINNER a try. It is available in print, audiobook, and is on Kindle Unlimited. And just because I’m a nice guy, for a limited time, I’VE KNOCKED 10% OFF THE PRINT AND EBOOK PRICE!

Oh, by the way, the surprise I hinted at in my last post? It was the re-publishing of my first two novels, now available in print and on Kindle Unlimited:

Until next time, this has been the Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles.

It takes a real man to write historical romance, so let me tell you a story…