Jane Austen Unmasked – Diana Birchall

I’ve been thinking about returning to a story I posted here, and  finally finishing it – there’s a novel concept for you! Some may remember it as “The Darcys and Lord Byron in Venice,” and I posted twelve episodes sporadically over a year and a half, with the first episode on December 30, 2017, and the last (so far) on June 18, 2019.  The story opens with the married Darcys and their small children traveling to Italy for a sojourn of a few months. They rent part of the palazzo where Lord Byron is staying, Palazzo Mocenigo (this much is true – that was Byron’s home in Venice), and inevitably they become acquaintances. We see Venice through their eyes and conversations, but their pleasures are interrupted by unwanted visits from some of their most disagreeable relatives: Lydia and Wickham arrive in Venice, broke, intent on sponging on the wealthy Darcys, and causing trouble galore. Just when it seems that matters cannot get worse, who should arrive but Lady Catherine de Bourgh. The family clashes are epic; but even so, the party does manage to enjoy some entrancing Venetian diversions – attending the fabulous Carnivale ball, and visiting the monastery island where Byron does some of his writing.  What no one could have predicted is that both Lydia and Lady Catherine, though so widely different in age, character, and morality, fall violently in love with Lord Byron, and proceed to bother the life out of him.

When I started the story, it was pre-pandemic times, and the masks imagined were purely gorgeous Venetian objects of art, that featured colorfully in my Carnival scenes. Masks now have an altogether different connotation, of course, but I beg you to not to dwell on that association. Instead, travel back with me to Venice in 1815, and follow the adventures of Darcy, Elizabeth, and Lord Byron, which I will resume posting until it transforms into a proper Book.

Here is an excerpt from Episode 11, showing a shocking scene between Lady Catherine. Next time, I’ll start the new episodes.

From The Darcys and Lord Byron in Venice, Part 11

A rapid, impetuous knock sounded on the door and Lady Catherine looked up with extreme irritation. “Good heavens!  Who is it?  Am I never to be undisturbed?” she exclaimed. “Sarah, how dare you knock?”

But it was not the maid who entered. Instead, none other than Lydia rushed in, still in Lizzy’s night dress with a cloak flung over it, as she had been attired last night. Her hair was disarrayed, and her expression was bleary and wild, as if she had tossed and turned for hours with very little sleep.

“Mrs. Wickham!  This is the utter limit. You have no right to enter my chamber. Of what are you thinking?  You must be beside yourself. Withdraw at once.”

“Excuse me, Lady Catherine, but I do have the right,” Lydia said impatiently. “I have very urgent business to discuss with you, I would have you know.  And when you hear what I have to say, you will not dispute my right.”

Lady Catherine rose to her feet to her full stateliness. “This is most unacceptable behavior!  I will ring for the servants and have you taken away. Mr. Darcy will not hear of you accosting me in such a manner.”  She reached for the bell-pull, but Lydia darted forward and stayed her hand.

“Excuse me, madam, but you must by no means summon Darcy. He is the very last person in the world whom you would wish to hear what I have to say!”

“Then say what you will, with haste, and I will be the judge of whom I shall summon!”

“Very well, you asked for it. You must know, Lady Catherine, that I saw you with Lord Byron last night.”

“So you did. And I saw you with him too,” her ladyship retorted.

“But you were in a gondola with him, kissing, and maybe more than that; and if I tell all I know, your reputation will be in tatters!”

“What! I, the most upright and righteous woman in England!”

“You are not in England now,” Lydia hissed, “and you did not behave righteously last night, I can tell you that!  I talked to the gondolier afterward, and he told me what you were doing in that little cabin on his vessel! You and Lord Byron – were making love!”

“Indeed we were not!” Lady Catherine’s heavy brows drew together and she frowned with the expression that made most people quail and long to leave her company. To Lydia’s credit, the younger woman stood her ground.

“Yes, I know of what I speak. You are no better than me, Lady Catherine, you are as good as his concubine!  Ha! Ha!  To think of you, you stiff old witch, subject to Byron’s charms, just like any street harlot!  What do they say about the captain’s lady and Judy O’Grady – well, here is the grand lady and the puttana, for you are one and the same!”

Lydia paused for breath. “Have you finished?” stated Lady Catherine, not ruffled in the least. “What language!  But it is you who are the concubine, you the puttana, and if you do not cease and withdraw  yourself from my chamber at once, I will tell every word you have said to my nephew, and then you will see what will happen!”

“Rather, it is you who will see,” returned Lydia, unperturbed herself. “The mighty have farthest to fall, and when he hears what his dirty auntie has been up to, why, I do believe Mr. Darcy will be glad to pay any sum to have the matter hushed up!”

“You lie!” thundered Lady Catherine.

“Oh, do I? Then what is this, pray tell?” And she lunged over and grabbed the papers on Lady Catherine’s table, knocking over the ink-stand with her impetuous movement. Ink spilled all over Lizzy’s cloak (which fortunately was black), but Lydia paid it not the slightest heed.

“Only look!  The ink is still wet on this letter!  You have been writing to your lover, Lord Byron, that is what.  And let us see what you say – My dear Lord Byron – all that happened between us – the moment our lips touched!  My eye!  You shameless old – “

“Give me that!” Lady Catherine snatched the papers back.  “This proves nothing. It is only a manner of speaking. Any body may write letters to a famous poet.”

“Not a proper lady, she can’t,” contradicted Lydia.  “No lady can correspond with a rake like Byron, without ruining her reputation, as you know very well!  And I will see to it myself that your reputation is ruined. Unless – “

She paused expectantly, and Lady Catherine gasped and was silent for a moment. Then she said, incredulously, “Blackmail. This is blackmail!”

Lydia nodded. “I guess your reputation for being a mighty clever lady is right, after all.”

Stay tuned for new chapters going forward!

For those who may want to revisit the old episodes, here are the links.

Illustrations are from Venetian masks in my collection.