Falling at Pemberley Ch 11

I was delighted with your comments last week saying how much you enjoyed the chapter. It was fun for me to write, and your positive feedback is always appreciated. Having said that, well, all I can say about this chapter is, “I am sorry.” You know that it is too early in the story for things to continue on without some sort of angst. So here is Chapter 11. (And now I’m being like Elizabeth and running off to hide!)

Chapter 11

Elizabeth determined that she would keep her differing opinions on matters being discussed to herself this evening, despite now knowing how much Mr. Darcy enjoyed them. She would not incite any disagreements, engage in any bantering, or challenge anyone’s assertions, but would either remain silent or cheerfully agree with what was being said, as her aunt had advised. She wanted to respect her aunt’s caution.

As she and the Gardiners gathered in the larger dining room to eat, however, she realized there had been no need for her to have made such a resolution. It ended up being a very quiet meal with sparse conversation.

The Westerfields said very little. Mr. Westerfield had no teasing remarks, Mrs. Westerfield offered no compliments, and Miss Westerfield’s formerly frequent smile rarely appeared on her face. Elizabeth was uncomfortable, as she realized one of them likely had witnessed her dancing with Mr. Darcy, and now all were aware of it. Just the thought brought a rosy tint to her cheeks, feeling both exhilaration at being in his arms and discomfiture that she had been seen in the arms of the gentleman the Westerfields believed would be making an offer to their daughter.

Mr. Darcy made several attempts at conversation, but only succeeded in getting a response from Mr. Gardiner. The two of them seemed to be the only ones interested in conversing.

Elizabeth had not informed her aunt and uncle about their spontaneous waltz. She was fairly certain they would not have approved of it, especially since they suspected Mr. Darcy’s intention was to ask for Miss Westerfield’s hand. She also wondered about their views of the waltz, especially when danced by two people who had no understanding between them, despite its becoming more acceptable in society.

After the meal, the party moved to the small parlour, where they again had little conversation. At length, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner excused themselves, citing Mr. Gardiner’s fatigue. Elizabeth rose with them and excused herself, as well. They thanked Mr. and Miss Darcy for a lovely meal and evening, said good evening to the others, and walked to the door. As Elizabeth trailed behind her aunt and uncle, Mr. Darcy came to her side and joined her as she stepped out of the room.

“Must you leave, Miss Bennet?” he asked softly.

Elizabeth noticed her aunt turn back, giving her a quizzical look as the couple continued to walk away. Elizabeth looked down, feeling the nearness of Mr. Darcy unsettling to her composure. “I think I must. It has been a long day.”

Darcy turned his head slightly towards the room and then back to her. “I know you are concerned that one of the Westerfields saw us dancing. I beg you please not to worry yourself. If they mention it, I will reassure them that it was just a dance.”

Elizabeth’s mouth felt dry as she gazed up at his encouraging gaze, although it did nothing to reassure her. She tried to smile. “Good night, Mr. Darcy.” She curtseyed and turned, walking away.

“Good night, Miss Bennet.”

Elizabeth heard the long release of his breath and then footsteps as he returned to the room.

*~*~*

Darcy walked back into the sitting room, noticing the silence and awkward looks of his guests and Georgiana. He sent his sister a questioning glance, and it was returned with a slight grimace. He had only been out of the room a few minutes; he hoped their guests’ silence had not distressed her.

“Ah, you have returned. I fear, good sir, that we are fatigued, as well. If you do not mind, we are going to retire to our rooms. Good evening to you both.” Mr. Westerfield stood and reached for his wife’s hand, saying no more. After helping her to her feet, he assisted his daughter in rising.

“Thank you for a delightful day and delicious meal,” Mrs. Westerfield said with a small attempt at a smile.

They said their goodnights and walked out. The solemn expressions on Miss Westerfield and her mother’s faces convinced Darcy they were either unhappy with Mr. Westerfield’s decision to retire early or displeased with him, having seen him dancing with Elizabeth. He suspected the latter.

When they were gone, he turned to Georgiana. “Did anything happen in here while I was in the hallway?” He walked towards her and took her hand. “Did they speak of anything?”

Georgiana shook her head. “They said nothing.” She rolled her head, letting out a sigh. “I fear I do not fare well when no one is inclined to converse. I had no idea what to say to them, especially since I believe that it was one of them who had seen you and Miss Bennet dance.” She looked up at him. “Even though you were only out of the room a few minutes, it felt much longer to me as I struggled to know how to begin a conversation with them.”

Darcy pressed his lips together and then softly said, “I am sorry.”

There was a moment of silence between them, and Georgiana finally spoke. “To own the truth, I felt little compulsion to try to converse with them.”

Darcy’s brows lifted quickly. “Truly? Why is that?”

Georgiana looked down at her hands as she rubbed her fingers together. She finally looked back up. “Because if I had to choose which of the two ladies I would want for my sister, it would have to be Miss Bennet.” She drew in a long breath. “Miss Westerfield is sweet and kind, but I have not felt that she is interested in getting to know me at all. Miss Bennet, on the other hand, truly seems interested in who I am and does not just consider me the younger sister of Mr. Darcy of Pemberley.”

She stood up and took her brother’s hand as he regarded her intently. “The Gardiners are likely to depart Pemberley very soon. I would suggest you do something before they do!”

“And what would you have me to do?”

She gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “At least try to determine what Miss Bennet’s feelings for you might be.” She released his hand and smiled. “I shall leave you now. Good night.”

Darcy watched his sister walk towards the door. “Good night, Georgiana.”

*~*~*

The next morning Darcy set out early for a walk. Having slept little because of the thoughts that had assailed him, he had tossed and turned most of the night. Dreams – or was it merely vivid recollections – of holding Elizabeth as they danced, and her hand in his – pushed away all other thoughts and concerns. As he aimlessly walked Pemberley’s grounds, he knew what he wanted. Georgiana’s thoughts and wishes from the previous night mirrored his own. But could he risk being rebuffed by Elizabeth a second time?

There were storm clouds on the horizon, and he hurried his steps. He would not return to the home, however, for he needed to walk to clear his thoughts, and he hoped he could sort them out before the rains came. He set out in the direction of the woods.

As he walked, he thought back to the previous night, pondering all that had occurred, but particularly, his sister’s words. He wanted nothing more than to give in to the leanings of his heart and attach his affections to Miss Bennet. The mere thought exhilarated, as well as unsettled, him. The love he had for Miss Bennet was as strong as it had ever been, but her rejection at Hunsford and the pain it caused him were still as deep as a fresh wound.

He looked down at his hand, where he had cut himself with the knife when she had entered the potting shed. It was mostly healed, but it would likely leave a scar. He knew that no matter how much time would pass since that fateful day in Kent, he would likely have a permanent scar on his heart. The wound on his hand was healing; however, his heart had not.

Darcy drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly as he turned to the path that would take him into the woods. As he stepped within the canopy of trees, he looked up to see the small specks of blue sky peeking through the plethora of leaves. The light along the path dimmed as the trees grew thicker and the clouds began to obscure the morning sun. There was silence except for the chirping songs of the birds and the crunching of twigs beneath his boots.

He walked only a short distance when he suddenly stopped, finding himself face to face with the young lady who held his heart in her hands and kept his thoughts captive. She had been standing still, looking at something just off the path.

He nodded and smiled. “Miss Bennet, this is a surprise.”

She laughed, saying, “You know me well enough, Mr. Darcy, to know I love walking.”

“Are you returning from the woods?”

“I thought I might enjoy walking through the dense shelter of trees, but I discovered I could not see the house from here and feared I might get lost, so I decided against it.”

“It is easy to get lost in them.” Darcy glanced back towards the house, which he could not see.

“Yes, I would imagine.”

“What specifically drew your attention?”

“I… I was watching the magpie over there.” She nodded her head to the right. “I was hoping to see another, for…” She looked down. “It is a silly…”

“One is for sorrow,” Darcy said.

“Yes! I despise that rhyme, although when I see but one magpie, I always look around with the hope that I will see another. Two is for mirth,” she said with a laugh, and then gave a shrug when the lone magpie flew away. “I guess it is only to be one.” She turned back to Mr. Darcy. “I shall be on my way.”

He squared his shoulders. “Miss Bennet if you wish, you may accompany me. I thought I would walk into the woods this morning.” He paused and then added again, “If you wish.” He held his breath as he waited for her reply. He felt if she declined, all his heartfelt hopes for this woman would be dashed.

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

Darcy’s breath released, along with a smile of relief. He felt a surge of exhilaration. At first, the two walked in silence. Darcy’s mind reeled with thoughts about how he might convey to Elizabeth that he had taken her accusations about him to heart and had come to the stark realization that in many ways she had been correct. He wondered if it would make any difference at all in how she viewed him. He carefully pondered his words to ensure they would not be as provoking as the words he spoke to her at the parsonage. As he was about to begin, Elizabeth spoke.

“Did the Westerfields say anything to you after my aunt and uncle and I left last night? Was there something that had upset them?”

Darcy stopped and turned to her, readily seeing the concern in her eyes. “They did not speak of seeing us dancing together, if that is what you mean, and I chose not to bring it up.”

“I see.”

As he looked at her, he realized how close he was to her, yet still so far. Unfortunately, the Westerfields being at Pemberley – and the reason he invited them – presented him with a dilemma. While he had not specifically articulated to them his reason, it was assumed he was going to propose to Miss Westerfield, and he did nothing to correct that assumption. “They really did not speak of anything. They returned to their rooms immediately after you and the Gardiners left.” Darcy inclined his head towards her. “I would not let it distress you, Miss Bennet, for if Mr. Westerfield had come to believe there had been any impropriety between us, we would have heard about it from him. He has quite a temper, and he is not one to be…”

“Well, is this not astonishing? Can I really believe my eyes?”

Darcy and Elizabeth abruptly turned towards the all-too-familiar voice and found themselves face to face with George Wickham, whose wide eyes and twisted lips displayed his astonishment at seeing the two of them together at Pemberley.

“What are you doing here, Wickham?”

Wickham’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Now, why would you ask that? I believe it was you, Darcy, who encouraged – nay, demanded – Colonel Forster to send me home so that I could be at my mother’s side as she bid farewell to this life. I rode day and night to get here, albeit reluctantly.” He leaned back against a tree and turned his eyes to Elizabeth. “But I might wonder what she is doing here!”

“It is none of your business!”

“Hmm. If I had known Miss Bennet was here, I would have been much more willing to come.”

Darcy felt his anger rise seeing the look he gave Miss Bennet, and he glared back at him. “I told you that you were never to come to Pemberley again!”

“Ah, not quite, for you said I was never to come near the house again.” He glanced about him and gave a casual shrug. “I cannot even see the house from here.”

“Why are you walking these woods, then?”

“You know I am a curious creature, and I gave in to that curiosity.” He smiled slyly. “Now I am so glad I did. This is so much more than I expected.”

“I have no interest in your curiosity or expectations, Wickham, and I demand you leave!”

Wickham crossed his arms defiantly. “Not so quickly! How could I have missed this? How did I not know? Rumours in Lambton have it that you had invited a young lady and her family to Pemberley, and that you are soon to ask for her hand. I merely hoped for a slight glimpse of this young lady to see for myself who she was.” He began to shake his head. “I confess I thought it would be a young lady with a grand fortune and exceptional connections, and I wondered if I might possibly be acquainted with her. But to discover it is none other than Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn is unbelievable.” He shook his head and then turned his eyes to her. “What you must have concealed from me, Miss Bennet, when you told me about your trip to Kent and your encounter with Darcy.” He let out a huff. “You must have also kept it from Lydia, for she certainly would have informed me about this attachment had she known.”

“Mr. Wickham, I fear you are severely mistaken.” Elizabeth’s face paled, and her voice quavered. “I am not…”

“You have no idea of what you are speaking!” Darcy said heatedly.

“No?” He lifted a brow. “Darcy, you look shocked that someone in your employ might whisper some gossip. Well, even though you expect loyalty amongst your staff, there is nothing more appealing to a lowly maid than sharing gossip – especially about someone like you.”

“That is enough, Wickham!”

Wickham shrugged. “I imagine you want to know who began the rumour, but that is something I cannot tell you. I heard it from my mother, weak as she is, who heard it from someone who likely heard it from someone else.” He paused. “Speaking of my mother, I am rather disappointed you have not asked about her. Do you not care how she is faring?”

Darcy fought his impatience with Wickham that warred against a concern for the widow of his late father’s steward. He steeled himself and asked, “How is your mother?”

“She is not well, and I doubt she will survive the week. But I think the news I now shall bring back to her that I know the young lady in question will certainly delight her enough to give her an extra day’s strength.” He looked down. “Of course, she will use her last breath to convince me I need to marry.” He let out a sarcastic laugh.

“As both of us have tried to tell you, Mr. Darcy has no intention of asking for my hand!” A look of distress flooded Elizabeth’s face. “I am here with my aunt and uncle, and my uncle suffered an accident when we were touring the home. That is the only reason I am here.”

Wickham stared at her in silence, as if trying to comprehend. “Well, my eyes can see very well, and when I came upon you, the two of you look exceptionally… warm and friendly with each other.” He shook his head and smiled smugly. “But if that is the case, and Darcy has no intention of asking for your hand, I apologize for the error.” He looked at Darcy. “But there is still the rumour. So who is it if it is not Miss Bennet?”

When Darcy said nothing, Wickham shook his head. “I am appalled by your behaviour, Darcy. You are apparently entertaining hopes of asking one lady to marry while…” He nodded at Elizabeth with an arched brow. “…while enjoying the company of another!”

Darcy could barely breathe as he considered how this man had destroyed what had started out as a very enjoyable walk with Elizabeth. He could not imagine how she felt, and now that she knew everyone was expecting him to offer for Miss Westerfield, he wondered what she thought. He felt a sudden tremor course through him at the thought that she might feel relief. “Wickham, you need to learn to ignore the rumours, and I would hope you do not intend to spread them around further than they already have been.” Darcy kicked the dirt with his boot. “Now I have asked you once and I ask you again to remove yourself from Pemberley!”

Wickham paused and looked pointedly at Elizabeth. “Miss Bennet, you appear quite distressed.” He let out a sarcastic laugh. “Pray, forgive me. But I cannot help but wonder if your distress might be due to the fact that you were hoping he would ask for your hand.” He shook his head. “Or could it be that the very thought of him asking for your hand is the cause of your distress?” He turned to leave, but stopped and looked back. “Either way, you must realize that he likely considers himself too far above you to even consider it.” He gave one last glare at Darcy and as he turned away, he said, “Good day.”

Darcy and Elizabeth remained still and silent as they watched Wickham walk away laughing. Finally, Darcy said, “Come, let us return to the house.”

Elizabeth tried to appear unaffected, but since Wickham had readily seen her distress, she was certain Darcy noticed it, as well. He apologized for Wickham’s unexpected appearance and allegations, seemingly as distraught as she was over it.

“There is no need for you to apologize for him,” Elizabeth said in a shaky voice.

They continued to walk in silence, and at length, Elizabeth spoke. “I know Mr. Wickham’s unexpected appearance unsettled you. Do you worry about Georgiana with him around?”

Darcy drew in a breath and clasped his hands behind him as he walked. “I do not fear that Georgiana will have any of the feelings she believed she had when she was with him at Ramsgate, but I fear what he might resort to. He harbours a great deal of resentment towards me, and nothing is beyond him. He is not to be trusted.” He paused and then spat out, “Never!”

“I do not know your sister very well, but in the time I have been here, I have come to believe that she is a strong young lady.”

Darcy turned and looked at Elizabeth. “Thank you. Georgiana would appreciate your belief in her character.” He paused and drew himself erect. “That means a great deal to me, as well.”

Elizabeth tried to smile, but her heart weighed heavily on her. She did not feel equal to the task of examining Darcy’s comments regarding Wickham’s erroneous allegations. She could ill afford to cling to any hope that his intentions towards Miss Westerfield had changed. She was in an impossible situation and could only regret that she had not known of his goodness and character when he offered for her in Kent.

She turned her head slightly so that she could just see him walking at her side. She wanted to reach out to reassure him and console him. She had to resist the urge to slip her hand through his arm and lean against him – for her comfort, as well as his. The way things stood between them – and to own the truth, she really had no idea where they stood – she knew any such actions might be construed by him as a desperate measure to touch his heart. She wished she could leave him in no doubt that her feelings towards him had changed, but she could not. Not with Miss Westerfield here at Pemberley and expecting an offer from him.

When they had almost reached Pemberley’s courtyard, Darcy paused. Elizabeth looked up at him and noticed a melancholy expression on his face. As he looked at his home, he seemed sad.

“Is something wrong?” she asked. Her hand reached towards him, but she brought it back down before touching his arm, as she longed to do. “Except for having your day ruined by Mr. Wickham.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, and it was a moment before he answered. “There are times I look upon Pemberley and all it has given me, all it has to offer, and all the dreams I have had for it, and I suddenly find myself at a loss to know where I am going, and… and sometimes, even who I am.”

Elizabeth’s mouth went dry, and she could not help but think the words with which she had censured him in her refusal of his offer had wrought some of these feelings. She could hardly have credited them as having had such an effect on him. She glanced down, feeling a great deal of remorse, and she wished she could apologize for them.

They started walking again, and she glanced away as a tear slid down her cheek. She tried to surreptitiously wipe it away and decided now was as good a time as any to offer some sort of apology for the harsh words she had spoken to him. “Mr. Darcy, I…”

Darcy came to an abrupt stop again. “What is going on?”

Elizabeth looked up at Darcy and then followed his gaze to the front of Pemberley, which had just come into view. “It appears as though two carriages are being loaded.”

“It looks like the Westerfields’ carriages.” He turned and looked at her with a frown. “Pray, forgive me, but I must find out what is happening.” He searched her face. “The courtyard entrance is an easy walk. Would you mind terribly if I see to my guests?”

Elizabeth nodded. “Not at all. I shall find my way back without any difficulty.”

“Thank you,” he said with a nod of acknowledgement. He turned and walked hurriedly – and then ran – to the front of the house.

Elizabeth watched him leave and was assaulted with innumerable feelings. Could she entertain even an ounce of hope that the Westerfields were departing? If they were, did this mean Mr. Darcy would now be free? She frowned. Or would he try to make amends to the Westerfields if they were leaving because someone witnessed him dancing with her? She gave her head a shake. She felt a slight tinge of guilt that she hoped he would not.

She remained where she was and watched as he reached the carriages and began speaking with Mr. Westerfield. He then walked over to Miss Westerfield and spoke to her. As Elizabeth watched, she realized that she could find no fault with Miss Westerfield. The young lady was beautiful, kind, and had been a long-time friend of his. She felt another tear roll down her cheek as she considered the young lady who – unlike herself – was highly accomplished and had a good fortune and high connections. Her own situation in life paled in comparison.

Chapter 12