As promised, here is the third episode of the new book I’m working on, Fortune & Felicity. If you haven’t read the first two episodes, you can catch up with the Prologue here, and Chapter 1 here. 

Chapter 2

Elizabeth winced with pain as she stepped on a tin soldier left in the hallway by one of the boys, then stooped to pick it up. It was impossible to keep any kind of order in the cluttered house, with four children underfoot and her sister Jane incapable of instilling even the smallest amount of discipline. Jane could not utter a cross word to her darlings, which meant that the children did pretty much what they chose, or at least, they would have done, if they did not have an aunt – Elizabeth – who ruled them with a firm hand.

It was a cold day in January, too gloomy and rainy to take the children outdoors to play. Elizabeth had managed to put two-year-old James to sleep, which meant Jane was able to sit down for a much-needed rest and a conversation with Mrs. Gardiner. From Elizabeth’s position in the hallway, the sound of their voices reached her clearly through the open doorway.

“But, my dear Jane, you must say no to him. You know the consequences if you do not.”

“I can’t deny my husband,” said Jane. “It would be – cruel.”

“You must. You have no choice, my dear. Either that, or there will be another babe on the way when you know last time you were close to—.”

A silence filled the room, the words unspoken. Death was not a word anyone wanted to hear.

“He loves me,” said Jane, quietly.

“If he really loves you, how could he be so selfish?”

It wasn’t the first time Mrs. Gardiner had made her opinion known. It was true that Jane’s childbirth had been difficult, and that they had feared for her life, but Jane disliked confrontation more than anything else in the world. It was quite useless to expect Jane to take a stand against her husband.  Elizabeth smiled, knowing Jane would be uncomfortable, faced with the choice between arguing with Mrs. Gardiner or giving in. Besides, the advice was already too late. Jane was increasing again. A fifth child was on the way.

It was time to interrupt. Elizabeth stepped in quickly.

“Did you leave any lemon cake for me, Aunt? Or did you forget all about me?”

“It depends how much you intend to eat, Lizzy. There’s half a cake left. Will that be enough, do you think?”

Mrs. Gardiner smiled widely and leaned forward to put a piece of cake on a plate for her niece.

Meanwhile, Jane threw Elizabeth a grateful look.

“Is James asleep already? You’re so good with him, Lizzy. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Elizabeth knew she should smile at Jane’s words, but she couldn’t. She had a churning feeling in her stomach. Jane was about to get very upset with her in a few moments. She sighed, wishing the moment hadn’t come. She had put it off for too long already, but it was time to have that talk she’d been dreading.

“In fact, now that our aunt is here, there’s something I need to discuss with you. I should warn you, you aren’t going to like it. However, I’m sure our aunt will support me in this.”

“I can’t promise anything, Lizzy.”

Mrs. Gardiner had too much experience with squabbling children to commit herself.

“If it’s something unpleasant, Lizzy,” said Jane, with her usual serenity, “then sit down and have some tea. I’ll need something to fortify me. And you might as well take the cake from Aunt Gardiner and sit down.”

Elizabeth hadn’t noticed she was still standing. She took a seat at the edge of an armchair and waited until Jane had poured the tea and passed her the cake.

Elizabeth could see from the tell-tale hint of pink in Jane’s cheeks that she was worried, but otherwise, her hand was steady, and she gave no sign of being perturbed. Living in close proximity for the last three years, they had become very attuned to each other’s reactions. Elizabeth assumed her sister had some suspicion of what she was about to say, but it was impossible to tell.

She set down the cup Jane handed her as well as the cake. If she tried to drink or eat anything, she would surely choke.

Taking a deep breath, she took the plunge.

“I’m thinking of finding a reputable employment agency and applying for a position as a governess.”

There, she’d said it. She was committed to her course of action now.

Jane blinked. Elizabeth couldn’t help admiring her sister’s self-possession. Jane sat completely upright in her seat, holding her teacup in her lap, her face serene as always, except that her cheeks were stained with pink.

“I won’t permit you to do any such thing, Lizzy,” she said firmly. “You have a home here with us, and always will. You mustn’t give in to impulse. You need to give it more thought.”

Jane was upset, even if she didn’t show it. Elizabeth wanted to put her arms around her sister and comfort her. This was so very difficult.

“I have given it a great deal of thought, Jane. This is very far from being an impulse.”

She turned to her aunt. “You will stand by me in this, I hope, Aunt. You know that I’ll have to make my own way sooner or later.” She gave a little laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “If I don’t start now, I’ll become an old dog, unable to learn any new tricks.”

Mrs. Gardiner sighed and looked sad. “I wish your papa was still with us. He would  have talked you out of it. I have a feeling he wouldn’t approve of you becoming a governess.” She paused, looking for the right words. “Still, I do understand. You’re too independent to be happy living at the expense of someone else for the rest of your life.”

It was a tactful way of putting it, and one that might have a chance of convincing Jane. She would not for the world say it, but now that Jane was having a fifth child, the house would be full to the bursting, and the eldest boy would need to be moved from the small nursery to the bedchamber Elizabeth occupied. The house was getting too crowded.

“Exactly,” said Elizabeth, with a breeziness she didn’t feel. It was a perfect excuse, especially since it was partially true.

Jane leaned over and put her teacup down carefully, but there was a spark in her eye. Elizabeth braced herself.

“I have known you to be impetuous, Lizzy, and to throw convention to the winds, and I have always loved these qualities in you.”

She had started gently enough, but Lizzy had the feeling this was just the prelude. Jane rarely lost her temper. This, from all the signs, was to be one of the few occasions when she did.

“I have always thought, like you, that marriage to Mr. Collins was the worst fate that could befall you. For the first time, though, I can’t help but agree with Mama. This stubbornness of yours, what you would probably call an independent spirit, is to be your downfall. If you had not refused Mr. Collins, you would now be mistress of Longbourn.”

Mrs. Gardiner was staring at Jane in astonishment. “Jane, do you really think it’s appropriate to bring that up again at this particular moment?”

It was a noble attempt to diffuse the tension, but Jane was increasing, and subject to strong emotions, so she was not to be stopped. She carried on as if her aunt hadn’t spoken.

“So what did you do then? You had to marry a naval officer who spent most of his time on a ship and who had no family that could support you, who then died, leaving you penniless and dependent. And now this foolish notion. It is beyond belief.”

Her words struck Elizabeth hard. She could feel the force of her sister’s anger, even though Jane had spoken quietly and calmly. Elizabeth had expected a different reaction –maybe something about Jane needing help with the children. This sudden attack on the man Elizabeth had loved – it was a low blow.

“Poor Thomas is hardly to be blamed for dying.” She tried to say it lightly, but her voice trembled, even now, at the memory of his drowning at sea.

She hoped that Jane would relent, but her sister was not done yet.

“Do you think you’ll be in a better situation if you’re in service? At the mercy of some strangers who will care nothing for you? Think, Lizzy, for once in your life, instead of being guided by your emotions. Perhaps you see yourself as no better than an unpaid maid here with us, Lizzy, but you are among people who love you. If you become a governess, you will be at the beck and call of employers who care nothing for you, who will dismiss you at the smallest provocation, and you’ll be working with children who view you as little more than a servant in earnest. That is the best you can possibly hope for.”

Jane stopped, breathing fast. Elizabeth hoped this was the end of Jane’s outburst, and prepared to justify herself.

But Jane had more to say. “It is likely to be much worse. You will have to wear the dullest clothes to hide from the attention of the men in the household, as well as any relations and any guests of the family, all of whom will see you as a female with no protection, and therefore as prey. Have you ever considered how many governesses are dismissed because—” She hesitated, delicacy getting the better of her, then was propelled by anger to say it, “— because they are with child? As for your wages – twenty-five pounds a year at the most – what good will they do? They will barely cover your clothing and a few toiletries. You won’t be able to save anything. Even if you manage to stay with the same family, you will be dismissed as soon as your charges are old enough to be brought out, and you will have nowhere to go.”

Elizabeth had never heard her sister speak for such a long time in her life.

“You think I don’t know these things, Jane? You think I am taking this step lightly?” Her voice cracked. “Do you think I want to go away? To leave you and the children? Especially when—”

She would not say it, but it hung in the air around them.

“Especially when it is possible that I will die when I have my next babe,” said Jane, in the same matter of fact voice she would use to discuss the weather.

“I wish you wouldn’t say such things.”

“It’s what you’re all thinking.”

Jane’s words made it all so much more difficult. Elizabeth struggled to make a case for choosing this particular time to leave, something that did not point to the most obvious reason. Elizabeth had discovered that Jane’s husband, Mr. Grant, was having problems with his business, and was struggling to make ends meet. He had unburdened himself to her after imbibing a glass too much of his favorite brandy, speaking of how difficult it was. The next day, he had fretted about the things he’d said, and had made her promise she would say nothing to her sister. He didn’t want Jane to worry.

“Have your tea before it’s cold,” said Mrs. Gardiner, kindly, seeing her distress. “And have some cake.”

Suddenly remembering her own tea, Jane took up her teacup and gulped down a mouthful, her mind on other things. “You know, after Papa’s death, when we all made way for Mr. Collins and left Longbourn to stay with our uncle, I prayed every night that things could stay the same. But then everyone married, and we went our separate ways, and I was heartbroken because it was impossible to visit when I was constantly increasing, and there were the children to take care of. My only consolation was that, despite being married, you were able to live with us whenever Thomas was away at sea. Oh, Elizabeth! I can’t bear the idea of you going far away, and never being able to visit us. How will the children feel? They see you as their second mother. How will I feel? It will break my heart to have you leave me.”

Jane began to cry, her anger disappearing, and Elizabeth’s throat choked up. She rose and went to her sister, putting her arm around her, recognizing that for both of them, this parting would be truly gut wrenching.

She had little choice in the matter, knowing as she did that Jane’s financial situation was precarious. Somehow, she had to be strong, and resist the temptation to cling to what was left of her old familiar world. She loved her nieces and nephews, and part of her wanted to stay with them in the safety of a familiar environment, but circumstances did not permit it.

Which was just as well. It gave her the motivation to forge her own way. It would be good to meet new people and face new challenges. If she stayed, she would be reduced to being nothing more than a widowed aunt for the rest of her life. She would wither away inside until she was nothing more than a shell of her own self.

“I promise to think about it for a while longer, Jane,” said Elizabeth. “I can assure you, I won’t make any hasty decisions.”

She would weigh things carefully and consider all the possibilities, but there would come a time when she would have to make up her mind, once and for all, and then there would be no going back.

~~*~~

I hope you enjoyed this chapter from Fortune and Felicity. As always, it would be lovely to hear your reactions. 🙂