Confessions and Correspondence- Jane’s Uncertainty

Welcome to our epistolary retelling of Pride & Prejudice! Jane Austen’s original version of the story, First Impression, was told entirely in letters, so it seemed like a great group project. We’ll be posting a new letter every Wednesday. 

Jane Bennet

January 28, 18 __ __

Jane Bennet glanced back to the letter sitting upon her writing desk. She knew she needed to answer it, but was not in a state to do so. “Oh, Mama,” she sighed trying to ignore her desire to throw it in the fire. No, that was not charitable, she must respond, but knew nothing would satisfy the recipient but good news. And of that, she had none.

She had stopped counting the days she had resided with her Aunt and Uncle on Gracechurch street, the initial excitement evolving into a grey weight of disappointment in her heart. Mr. Bingley is not coming, nor was he ever. My feelings were not returned.

Her thoughts betrayed her biggest fear. It was not the fear of the hedgerows, although that had been driven into her head since she was ten. No, it was the fear of being alone; of being unloved; of being valued only for her beauty and not her heart. Mr. Bingley had acted as if he did love her… dare she say cherish?

But, no. It was not to be. If so, he would not have left Netherfield without taking his leave. He would have come to Gracechurch street when his sister received her letter. He would have asked Papa if he could call on her, court her, marry her.

She shook her head, wiping an unbidden tear from her eye, and picking up her quill, prepared for the inevitable.

My dear Mama,

Your letter was most anticipated and enjoyed by myself and my dear Aunt. We have had numerous opportunities for diversion and I am grateful you insisted I come to London and enjoy myself.

We have been to the theater twice and a dinner party with one of Uncle’s business associates. It was an elegant affair where they served three different types of fish and a ragout. Although, the table was set beautifully, it was not as well appointed as Longbourn’s. You are truly a hostess to be admired.

Tomorrow I am to travel with my Aunt to some charitable organizations she sponsors. I will then continue to assist my young cousins in their studies and sewing. We will be going into Mayfield next week and will call upon Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. No, Mr. Bingley has not visited, nor have I expected him to, as there is no understanding between us.

My uncle received some lovely silk at his warehouse this week, and Aunt is determined to have a gown made from it. Please tell Lydia and Kitty that I have purchased a new ribbon for each of them, and sheet music for Mary. I have enclosed a letter to Elizabeth, so you need not trouble yourself with salutations for her.

I must close as my Aunt is calling me for our walk to the Park. Sending love and salutations to Longbourn

Yours,

Jane

She sanded and sealed the letter, walking down the stairs and setting it on the tray for the butler to send out. The quiet of the house enveloped her and for a brief moment she felt guilty for the lie she had written to her mother.

“When are Mrs. Gardiner and the children expected back from their appointment?” she asked the maid who brought her in tea a few minutes later.

“Not for another hour, Miss,” the girl said, bobbing a courtesy as she left the room.

She let out a long breath and let the warmth of the tea soothe her spirits. She had so rarely been alone in her lifetime, that she was determined to enjoy the peace it gave her and not what it could signify: that if her mother’s fears were correct, this moment of ‘solitude’ could stretch into eternity.

Read all the letters from Confessions & Correspondence here!