After the Wedding – a Dialogue between Emma and Mrs. Elton

“Now, my dear Mrs. Knightley,” began Mrs. Elton eagerly, hitching herself forward in her chair in Emma’s pretty sitting-room, “Do tell me, there’s a dear, where it was that you and Mr. K went on your honey-moon?”

There was so much to offend in this question, that Emma was silent a moment. That gave the visitor the encouragement, which she hardly needed, to proceed.

“I mean, honestly now, why all this silence and mystery? Who ever heard of such a thing about a wedding. A wedding is a public matter. Every body knows about it. There is no point in secrecy. Why, I declare, even I do not know any thing at all about the ceremony itself, except what I owe my husband for telling me.”

As Mrs. Elton had not been invited to the wedding, and several hints from Mr. Elton, who had officiated as the rector uniting the hands of Miss Woodhouse and Mr. Knightley in marriage, had produced no invitation, his wife had perforce remained at home. Indeed, it was a small wedding, with only the couple’s closest family and friends present; and Mrs. Elton had been thoroughly disappointed with her husband’s inadequacy as a describer of fashion.

“Well, did she wear a long white veil?” she had asked.

“No, my dear, I believe she did not. At least, I did not observe.”

“Really, Philip, I should think any body with eyes would notice a thing like that! Perhaps she hoped to make a sensation with her pearls. I believe her late mother left her some very fine ones.”

“I did not see any,” returned her husband indifferently.

“Well, then, perhaps she was all in lace, head to foot? She is rich enough to be sure, and would know that some very fine Valenciennes would make a sensation in Highbury.”

“I cannot recollect. I think I saw no lace.”

“At least you must know where they are going on their honey-moon? I know Knightley is a very odd man, very peculiar, but even he would have a honey-moon. So many years as he had to wait for his bride to grow up, he must have wished to sweep her off to the ends of the earth. And now that the fighting is over, and the Continent is open – why, perhaps they went to  Swisserland!  Frank took Jane there you know, and they might have caught the idea from them.”

“I don’t think they are going to travel so far as that,” replied Mr. Elton. “You  know how it is – they cannot leave Mr. Woodhouse for long.”

“Ah, yes, poor, poor Knightley, tied to such a situation. Most unnatural. How he is sacrificing himself, but no one could stop him, even those such as ourselves who know what he is in for. Yoked to such a bad-tempered, proud woman, and forced to take up residence in her fussy old father’s house. Well, we did try to warn him.”

“He is a man who likes to have his way, certainly,” agreed her husband, “but I believe as far as a honey-moon goes, they have determined upon the sea-side.”

“Really!  Well, that is something. I wonder where. They would not be so vulgar as to go to Brighton, do you think?”

“I do not at all know.”

The White Hart Inn, Norfolk

Such being the extent of Mrs. Elton’s knowledge of her neighbor’s business, there was no other possible recourse but for her to use the occasion of the newlyweds’ return to pay a wedding call upon the bride. Not that calls were a part of ordinary life for the two couples, even though both gentlemen had a good deal to do together in the parish, Mr. Knightley being the leading local magistrate of the place, and Mr. Elton the vicar. However, the undoubted fact was that Emma had ceased calling upon Mrs. Elton long before the wedding, owing to her very great disgust for the woman, and Mrs. Elton, though naturally insensitive to such matters, nevertheless took umbrage and was mortified enough to cease her visits.

A wedding, however, was a wedding, and so she sallied forth upon this occasion, in her best bugles and ribbons, and a very killing new bonnet with a deal of harsh green frilling, to perpetrate a forced formality upon the bride.

Emma was resigned to being civil, but she drew the line at ordering tea. She thought to herself how lucky it was that the proper time for a courtesy call was no more than fifteen minutes; and at least two had already elapsed.

But even Emma was not sufficiently on her guard as to be able to avoid the question direct, and when her interlocutor attacked her with a bald faced demand for information, she found herself uncharacteristically helpless.

“I did hear that you went to the sea-side for your honey-moon,” Mrs. Elton continued, her eyes narrowing as she studied Emma’s face and waited for a reply.

“Yes – we did,” said Emma shortly.

“And may I ask, which place did you chuse? Brighton, I suppose; I feel sure it was Brighton. So fashionable, so popular with the highest society, with the Prince Regent himself presiding! And the new Pavilion of his own magnificent Eastern design! Yes, you must have gone to see such a sight as that.”

“No; we did not chuse to go to Brighton. It is too much of the fashionable, showy sort of place that Mr. Knightley and I would always prefer to avoid.”

Mrs. Elton was discomposed. “Well! That is singular, to be sure. I could have provided you with introductions at Brighton, if you had done me the favour to consult me – but then, you did not go. It was not to your taste. What seaside resort could meet your standards then, pray tell? Sure you did not go all the way to Weymouth. That, you recollect, was where Jane met Frank, and I should have recommended it if you were in need of meeting an husband; but naturally that was not the case.”

“No; it was not Weymouth.”

“So fortunate that your prospects were never in doubt!  Married to such a fine man as Mr. Knightley! And Donwell is such a handsome property, I am surprised you are remaining at Hartfield. To please your poor father, I suppose. But Hartfield is well enough in its way, and always reminds me of my sister Selina’s home at Maple Grove. Yes, with such extensive resources, I collect that you would not pick such humble ordinary places as Worthing, or South End, for your honey-moon.”

“We did consider South End. It was where my sister Isabella went last autumn with her husband and five children, and they were happy there and felt it was a most healthy place. But no, we chose another.”

“What could it be!” Mrs. Elton flounced back in her chair, really stymied. “Miss Woodhouse, I mean Mrs. Knightley – you must positively put me out of my misery! I must and shall know where was this paradise, this paragon of honey-moon homes!”

Emma could see that there was really nothing for it. “It was Cromer, madam,” she said succinctly.

“Cromer! Why! The very last place I should ever have thought of for you and Mr. Knightley!”

“And why do you say that?” Emma asked in mild surprise “We liked it very much – a fine open sea, and glorious windswept scenery. We thought it quite romantic.”

“Romantic! Of all things!  I should not have known that such a description would have much interest for you.”

“Why not?” asked Emma. “After all, as you correctly observe, I have just been married, and it was my honey-moon.”

“But, my dear Mrs. Knightley – marrying an older man, whom you have known from childhood – “ Mrs. Elton held up her hands in affected dismay, and said no more.

“My marriage,” Emma said collectedly, “is fortunately not a subject upon which  you are called upon to give any opinion. You may take it that I am quite satisfied; and will always recollect my time at Cromer as very happy.”

Emma subsided into what were plainly pleasant reflections.

Mrs. Elton drew breath to exclaim, “But Cromer, Mrs. Knightley! I am sure I have heard it is above two hundred miles away. How could you go so far?”

“Reports are exaggerated, Mrs. Elton.  It is not a journey much above a hundred and fifty miles, and we broke it with a visit to Cambridge, to see Mr. Knightley’s college. No; we were not above five days on the road, going and coming; and that left a full week for Cromer itself.”

“Ah!  To be sure, you had the best of carriages, and horses. It does make a difference. I tell Mr. Elton, I won’t travel far from home until we get a barouche-landau like my sister, but then she is quite rich you know. Quite on a par with you and Mr. K.  You must have been most comfortable on the road.” She sighed enviously.

“We were comfortable because we were happy,” Emma retorted. “Traveling together was a pleasure.”

“I daresay there is not much to see at Cromer, any way,” Mrs. Elton consoled herself. “I never heard of any society people going to such a place, and it is not famed for any thing in particular.”

“On the contrary, Cromer is very well known for its beautiful open sea,” Emma contradicted. “Its peace and privacy are all one could wish for on a honey-moon; and as for the rest, there was much to see and do. We enjoyed eating the local crabs, and fossil-hunting.”

Perhaps she had said that in mischief, for the attractions of crabs and fossils were beyond Mrs. Elton, who only stared.

Emma now felt that it was high time to examine her watch, and to her satisfaction it showed that full fifteen minutes had passed.  Putting it back into its little case, she rose, saying, “Yes, Mrs. Elton, on the whole I would recommend Cromer to any one. In truth, we partly chose it to please my father – he was lamenting our absence from home, but was comforted to know that we would be in a place so much enjoyed by his friend Perry. It made my father very happy.”

“What a reason to choose a honey-moon place!” Mrs. Elton could not help ejaculating. “My, my. Selina went to Bath, you know, on her honey-moon, and nothing would persuade me but that I would do the same.”

“And it was convenient, as you were right on the spot,” Emma pointed out, smiling.

“Yes, very true, Bath is where I met my dear Mr. E.  A lucky place!  Nothing like Cromer at all.  Well, Mrs. Knightley, I’m sure I hope you will be as happy as he and I are, even if you did go to Cromer.”

Emma had had quite enough. “Good day to you, Mrs. Elton,” she said firmly.