The Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles, by Jack Caldwell

What breed of dog is Mr. Darcy?


CCC1Hi, folks—Jack Caldwell here. I’m busy writing the prequel to my CRESCENT CITY project for 2015, so I thought you would like this little blast from the past. Enjoy!


In this special edition of the Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles, we dive into a never-ending discussion of epic proportions—if your man was a dog, what breed of dog would he be?

Tell the truth—at one time or another you ladies have thought your man was some sort of canine. This post will not argue the fairness of that conjecture or its counter-balance: all women are [female dogs]. Instead, we’re going to have some fun.

Listed below are some of the male figures from Jane Austen’s novels and the dog breeds I think best represent their characteristics. This is an original work; I started it before a similar discussion appeared on a JAFF web site. So no, I didn’t steal this idea!

I want to point out that I used a combination of Austen’s physical descriptions of each gentleman, their actions in the novels, and my understanding of their individual characters. This is NOT based on any film adaptation of Austen’s work. So forget about Colin Firth, Ciarán Hinds, and Alan Rickman; they did not enter into the equation.

Also, you will note that Austen’s villains didn’t make the cut. Why? Dogs are often better than people, and they are certainly better than Wickham, Willoughby, and Crawford.

Boy—that sounds like a law firm! I digress.

Ready? Let’s go.

poodleHenry Tilney (Northanger Abbey) – Henry knows way too much about ladies’ fashions, yet he is no poof. He loves Catherine so much he is willing to break with his dominating father. But he uses guile rather than force to win the general’s approval of the match. Great stamina (he is always riding between his house and the Abbey) and is attracted to the water. Very smart, clever, and affectionate. Well dressed. Standard Poodle.

schnauzerCaptain Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion) – Frederick is Austen’s idea of a self-made man in the image of the author’s brothers. He is handsome, brave, honorable, and resourceful. He is also temperamental and given to fits of resentment. He loves deeply and truly, and he can be jealous. He has not much use for anyone outside of his family, shipmates, and close friends. Giant Schnauzer.

stbernardEdmund Bertram (Mansfield Park) – Edmund is loyal, gentle and friendly, and somewhat affectionate, but not overly so. Not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, he desires a simple life in the country, rather than a high-profile existence in London. Fanny better socialize him, or he’ll vegetate in that parsonage. Saint Bernard.

bloodhoundColonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility) – Brandon is described as silent and grave, and though his face was not handsome his countenance was sensible, and his address was particularly gentlemanlike. He is loyal to his first love, the lost Eliza, and is dedicated to his second, Marianne. He rushes to his ward’s side when she is discovered pregnant and alone in London and tracks down her seducer. He is strong and faithful. Bloodhound.

gsdGeorge Knightley (Emma) – Knightley is smart. He loves to work and keep others in line. He is very observant and takes the full measure of a situation before he makes a move. But once he acts, he is decisive. His handling of Emma is akin to herding troublesome livestock. German Shepherd Dog (Alsatian).

collieEdward Ferrars (Sense and Sensibility) – Everybody likes Edward—he makes friends easily—but no one can say why. He needs to work, particularly in the country, or he will get in trouble. Fortunately for Elinor, Edward is gentle, loyal, intelligent, and highly trainable. Rough Collie.

goldenCharles Bingley (Pride and Prejudice) – C’mon! Is there anyone who is a better representation of a Golden Retriever?

bullterrierCol. (?) Fitzwilliam (Pride and Prejudice) – Austen didn’t give us much of a description of the good colonel (including his first name), except that he wasn’t overly handsome, but he was friendly and talkative. If he was a successful officer, he must have been brave. Subsequent authors have almost universally portrayed the colonel as witty and funny. What else but a Bull Terrier?

dobieFitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) – Darcy is Austen’s über-male. He is tall, dark, and handsome. He also presents two faces to the world. To most of humanity, he appears proud, aloof, unapproachable, and slightly dangerous. To those who know him well, Darcy is generous, friendly, intensely loyal, and affectionate. In fact, he’s a bit needy. He is also resourceful, hard-working, and brave. As Elizabeth found out, Darcy needs a lot of socialization. Doberman pinscher.

I know there will be lots of disagreements about this. What’s your opinion? Be prepared to defend it!

Until next time, this has been the Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles.

 

31 comments

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  1. This is a very interesting comparison, Jack. Not being a dog expert myself, I agree with your representation.

    1. Thanks for reading!

    • Eileen on May 7, 2014 at 5:02 am
    • Reply

    I can’t say I have ever thought about this…but I am sure I will now. 🙂

    Will you be doing the females? If you are, may I suggest a chihuahua for Caroline. My aunt had one when I was young that nobody liked because it was incessantly yapping and nipping at your ankles…a general annoyance! Seem like a fitting description for Caroline. 🙂

    1. Females would be controversial, to say the least. We’ll see if the muse is brave enough.

      As for Caroline, I think of her more like some annoying terrier–she just won’t let some things go. Maybe an obnoxious cat. Or is that redundant?

      See! I told you it was controversial! Now the cat people will be after me! Flee for your lives!

        • Eileen on May 7, 2014 at 11:06 am
        • Reply

        No, not a terrier…we had the sweetest, cutest little fellow that was a terrier. Although he was silly and rather tenacious. 🙂

        A cat…well, they do have attitude.

        • Ginna on May 8, 2014 at 9:41 pm
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        Or perhaps a pit bull would be more appropriate? They’re very tenacious!

    • Deborah on May 7, 2014 at 5:18 am
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    I agree with most of your descriptions, especially Darcy’s. When first I read the title Doberman came to mind, with the very reasons you stated, and no I never read your post before. One additional thought on Darcy is that not only is he loyal to Elizabeth, but he becomes nearly inseparable. Someone called the Doberman the ultimate Velcro dog & I agree. They become supremely attached to one person (are loyal to the whole family) & will follow that person all about. As for Bingly…I see a Labrador Retriever. Very similar to the Golden, but. I personally like Labs a little better…they don’t make me sneeze. 🙂

    1. Our late Dobies were leaners, for sure. They always wanted to touch us. Labs are fantastic, but I haven’t met any silly Labs, yet. Goldens on the other hand…

      Really, any of the retrievers can be downright silly.

      1. We had a black lab once and she was so excitable, she’d pee literally everytime anyone petted her. Hopefully Bingley wouldn’t do that. 😉

  2. I am not a dog person, Jack, but I still loved reading this!

    The first three (Tilney, Wentworth, Bertram) are my favourites from the descriptions you have given and the result you came out with. Thanks for the Wednesday smile!

    Oh, and Wickham, Willoughby & Crawford, lol? Definitely a firm to avoid!

    1. One of these days, I’ve got to use Wickham, Willoughby & Crawford in a modern short story.

      1. Yes, you have! It’s brilliant (though I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them!)

    • Deborah on May 7, 2014 at 5:24 am
    • Reply

    Sorry…. hadn’t finished my thoughts….my own Dobie, Thunder followed me from room to room & wouldn’t let me out of his sight & when I sat down sat on my lap ( hence inseparable) & that’s the way I see D & E.

    1. Did Thunder use to back up and sit on your lap like a chair? Our big red male did that all the time.

        • Deborah on May 7, 2014 at 10:28 am
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        Yes and coincidentally he was also a big red male. 🙂

    • eviejoanne on May 7, 2014 at 6:43 am
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    Great to hear from you again. 2015 can’t come soon enough. Do you have anything set to be released in the nearer future?

    I liked your description of Edward Ferrars particularly the “everyone likes him but cant tell you why”. Perfect. He is one of my favorite characters but I really cant pinpoint what it is about him I like.

    1. Thanks, Evie. I’m swamped getting CRESCENT CITY ready.

        • eviejoanne on May 7, 2014 at 1:46 pm
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        Swamped in the bayou!

    • Stephanie L on May 7, 2014 at 9:34 am
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    This made me laugh. I love love dogs and have had a plethora over my life. I don’t know about Tilney as a poodle, he doesn’t seem quite that high maintenance. The Darcy/Doberman and Bingley/Golden, particularly, are SO apropos . We had 11 Dobies when I was in high school and it was almost impossible to walk as they were always a cluster around your person. But if a guy came to take me out…he never knocked on the door for sure. 11 sets of growling teeth and beady eyes were a serious deterrent. =D Great piece Jack!

    1. Eleven Dobies? Wow!!

    • Sheila L. M. on May 7, 2014 at 10:03 am
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    Very interesting read! I am sure that took a lot of pondering. We owned dogs from the SPCA, usually mutts, while I was growing up and now can’t have a dog or cat due to my husband’s allergies. So I am not at all around dogs enough to be able to give you an opinion. But your descriptions of the males works. Thanks for an interesting read. BTW: “so I though you would like this little past from the past. Enjoy!” is this what you meant to say in the first paragraph or “blast from the past”

    1. Thanks for catching that. All fixed.

    • rae on May 7, 2014 at 12:26 pm
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    Jack – loved all your choices – especially Darcy and Bingley. I did think, however, you would choose a water dog for Wentworth – Navy and all. I think a black Lab would fit him nicely, although I guess they’re a little too “playful” for Frederick’s personality.

    I also enjoyed the above suggestions for Caroline Bingley. I nominate the Pomeranian for her. To me they are one of the most annoying, yapping, ankle nipping and over the top froo-froo dogs in existence. They almost look like they have built in feathers when you grow their hair long and brush it out, something I think Caroline would love to have – permanent feathers sticking out of her head.

    I think the chihauhua might work for Mrs Bennet, although I don’t know how smart they are. I may be dissing the poor dog without knowing it! Which dog is on the bottom of the canine intelligence chart anyway?

    I think doing the ladies would be great fun. Start us off, Jack!

    1. According to one ranking I found, the top five are: Border Collie, Poodle, German Shepherd Dog, Golden Retriever, and Doberman pinscher.

      The five at the bottom are: Borzoi, Chow Chow, Bulldog, Basenji, and in last place, Afghan Hound.

      Go to http://petrix.com/dogint/intelligence.html

        • Ginna on May 8, 2014 at 9:45 pm
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        Actually, maybe Caroline should be a Chow. They’re very frooffy looking, but nasty temperament.

    • junewilliams7 on May 7, 2014 at 5:54 pm
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    I definitely agree with George Knightley as German Shepherd or other shepherder dog. As for poodles, I could see Sir Walter Elliot as a French poodle – high maintenance and foofy in appearance.

    • Kathy on May 8, 2014 at 1:24 am
    • Reply

    This was hilarious! I loved the photos of the dogs you used as well – some of their expressions are just right. Really like the glower from Edward Bertram’s St. Bernard. I think Bingley also brings to mind beagles and cocker spaniels. Before you nominated the Doberman for Darcy, I was picturing a dog with a more wolf-like appearance, like a Siberian Husky.

    • Katrin S on May 8, 2014 at 1:32 am
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    I love Wentworth. Makes so much sense. My grandmother had a female Giant Snauzer and my aunt a male one. An I can so see him a Wentworth-like. I would have never thought of that – very fitting!

    • Carol hoyt on May 8, 2014 at 8:46 pm
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    Jack, I couldn’t even come close to the success you had with your selections .

    Entertaining as usual!

    • Carole in Canada on May 8, 2014 at 8:53 pm
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    Can’t say I have pondered what type of dog I pictured all the ‘hero-type’ men of Jane Austen’s books. However, I have always imagined Charles Bingley as a Whippet and Darcy as an Irish or Scottish Wolfhound. We owned a lovely Whippet named ‘Ares’ for 14 years. When we do get another, and this time two of them, we are naming them Mr, Bingley and Jane. I would like to get a Whippet and Wolfhound and name them Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, but I can’t convince my husband on the Wolfhound.

    • Ginna on May 8, 2014 at 9:57 pm
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    I love all of what you’ve done here! I think perhaps Darcy would be better depicted by a Great Dane. They’re very sleek, like the Doberman, but more apt for the ‘tall, dark and handsome’! Also, their size can make them intimidating, yet they are very loyal and cuddly (as much as something that’s as big as its human can be cuddly!)

    If you do end up attempting to define the women, I think Jane should be a greyhound. Lydia should be a hyperactive, yapping mutt that just can’t be trained – something mixed with a Jack Russell terrier would supply the high-strung part.
    I like the suggestions for Mrs. Bennet so far, but maybe a Border Collie would be good, too – always trying to arrange her girls, and get them to behave.

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