Mr. and Mrs. Collins Celebrate Their First Anniversary by Mary Simonsen — 40 Comments

  1. What a lame brain ! Collins is an idiot, and Charlotte is running circles around him. Saved by the baby with months of not having him in her bed on Saturday nights. I wonder if he is on a schedule. She is definitely sharp and quick thinking. We may have her own house, but without happiness, life could be lengthy and disappointing. Great writing! I can visualize the wheels in Charlotte’s mind turning through this piece.

    • I think in order to endure Mr. Collins, Charlotte had to get away from him. In my mind, they settle into a happy routine. Thanks for commenting.

  2. What a lame brain Collins is. Glad Charlotte is so quick witte, she ‘d have to be since she was friends with Lizzy. She has a break from his attentions for about half a years. What a great anniversary post. Too funny.

    • I agree. But considering her situation, Charlotte at least has a comfortable home and a husband with a steady income. However, I do wish she had been able to marry for love.

  3. I’m glad that you explained about the hose, because it did make we wonder.

    This makes me Ewwwww: to chase our little bunny around the rabbit hole

  4. Oh poor Charlotte surely not EVERY Saturday!!!! All I can say is thank goodness Elizabeth escaped this fate. I think she would have murdered him by now (I know I certainly would have!) 😞

  5. The bunny and rabbit hole comment just about made me gag! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

    I admire Charlotte for being content with her circumstances and thinking that life was good. Of course, she has at least a 6-9 month reprieve from the amorous attentions of her thick-brained husband, so I guess that with the reprieve and the reward of a baby, she would think that life is indeed good. 😀

    Thanks for a brilliant yet oddly disgusting vignette!

    Susanne 🙂

    • I have to think that Charlotte made the best of it. I can imagine her arranging her day in such a way that she saw little of her husband.

  6. Laughing! as bad as the references to Mr. Collins’ cucumber and his radishes in the one novel!!! And the schedule of Saturday night being couples’ night – UGH. But hopefully she has a reprieve. Thanks for the humor. Laughing is good medicine.

    • Yes, a baby is a blessing. Maybe Mr. Collins will pay even less attention to her after the baby is born. Thanks for commenting.

  7. I read this early this morning and it was a great way to start my day…laughing that is. Ahh Charlotte, what a price you have paid for contentment! Trying to shake the visuals out of my head though! Thank you Mary! I read above you are doing another short story. Would you ever consider doing a story of Jane and Bingley?

    • Thanks, Carole. My favorite comment: I made someone laugh. Jane and Bingley? What do you have in mind? I see them walking off into the sunset without a care in the world. Let me know if you can think of something with a little tension in it. I can be reached at

  8. Oh myyy! I just read this whilst eating my lunch. The thought of Mr. Collins’ *hose* isn’t sitting well with my Pad Thai noodles,some of which ended up down my front. Poor Charlotte, I think we’re all sympathising with her reprieve on Saturday nights for the next dix to nine months or so.

    You’re a very wicked lady Mary!

  9. It there are marital activities every Saturday night, Charlotte will soon get the idea of hiding the Sunday sermon so that looking for it will take precedence over a husband’s privileges.

  10. So sad! Mr. Collins is so ridiculous and repulsive. It’s too bad for Charlotte that he doesn’t change in the privacy of their home. Ugh!

    • Yes, Mr. Collins is ridiculous, but Charlotte knew what she was getting into. I think she can manage him. Thanks for commenting.

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