March Madness — PerfectLizzy® Meets Her Match by Jack Caldwell — 49 Comments

  1. Okay…….
    What the hell was that?! Elinor and Darcy what kind of stupid joke is that? And Lizzie and Ferrars that is just WRONG! Even if I can see why Darcy would get tired of Elizabeth’s continued habit of believing Wickham and ended their betrothal several times!
    But a good twist though I sincerely hope that it was for the humour of it all! Well written Jack!

  2. Funny, but oh so sad. I can see Darcy getting tired of all Elizabeth’s starts and stops, but really! Was humorous and great writing by the way.

  3. This is well spoken. Darcy was able to one up Lizzy. I liked Darcy better than Lizzy. She was wishy washy. The originals would not have allowed this to occur. Nicely done. Cannot condone these matches, but it March Madness.

    • Well, the original Lizzy wouldn’t always be Wickham’s &/or Caroline’s victim, either. She’d take Darcy at his word. Again, I’m protecting the guilty. Thanks for commenting!

  4. I found this very funny. PerfectLizzy was so annoying I am glad Darcy found another. I kind of feel sorry for Edward though. Thanks for the smile this morning!:)

  5. Oh my. The Darcys I can see, it could work. I wonder, though, how long it would take for Lizzy to tire of having Edward run to her for permission to breathe, etc.

  6. I was laughing from the “get-go” warning about not eating nor drinking while reading this. Great comedy and so well written! Thanks.

  7. Noooooo! You can’t have Darcy with anyone else but Elizabeth! (mind you this was nothing like Elizabeth so I think you got the name wrong) please don’t make this mistake again or I will be seriously displeased 😞 you must know the saying – you can’t have true proficiency unless you practice 😊

  8. This was a hoot! Can’t say I blame Darcy in this case. Glad you warned me to not be eating or drinking when I read this. Lizzy meeting Mrs. Darcy would’ve ended my laptop’s life.

  9. I found “PerfectLizzy(R)” to be annoying beyond belief, especially in placing all the blame on Mr. Darcy and accepting none for herself. It sounds as if not everything was Lizzy’s fault–such as the incident at Rosings–but as Darcy noted, she should have addressed all of her concerns with him as a precursor to a happy marriage between equals of mind, heart, and soul.

    Darcy was quite justified in running off with Elinor, and now PerfectLizzy(R) can order Edward Ferrars around all she wants. Good for Darcy!!

    You know what? PerfectLizzy (R) reminds me quite strongly of…Emma. 😛 (I have never liked Emma; she annoys me to no end and Mr. Knightley was far too good for her…

    …just as Darcy is too good for PerfectLizzy(R).

    Thank you for a very entertaining scene, Jack!! Loved it!!

    Susanne 🙂

    • I haven’t thought of the Emma angle, but…

      Anyone who has read THE THREE COLONELS knows that I believe that Jane Austen’s characters know each other. For some reason, my muse thinks that few of them would be friends with Emma.

      You know things are tough when a reformed Lady Caroline Bingley Buford has more friends than Mrs. Emma Woodhouse Knightley!

      Thanks for the thought, Susanne.

      • Poor Emma. One could give her at least as much chance to grow up as canon Caroline gets in fanfiction- especially as Emma has far more redeeming traits than Miss Bingley.

          • Very true! I’d forgotten about that, focusing on Regency as I did. Still, I’m sorry for Regency Emma being excluded from the comforting and loyal bunch of friends the other Austen heroines form in T3C. I guess I’m softer than you…

  10. Oh myyy! I guess I’d have to get in line to slap PerfectLizzy® then? She was sooo annoying! Like Susanne says above, she reminds me of Emma a bit as well, possibly mixed in with a bit of Lydia’s childish selfishness.

    Alrhough I don’t ususally like D & E ending up with anyone else, I definitely had a few chuckles at this Jack, as well as a *What!!!* moment at the revelation of Darcy’s marriage.

    Thanks for entertaining us today!

  11. Oh, goodness, this was hilarious! I have, unfortunately, encountered PerfectLizzy® much too frequently in JAFF. She is usually accompanied by Doormat Darcy who is only slightly less annoying than Copious Crying Darcy. I’m glad you found Enough-Is-Enough Darcy and that he found Perfectly Acceptable and Agreeable Elinor. Well done!

  12. Hilarious, Jack. I understand what led up to this catharsis–too many paragon Lizzies in JAFF.

    It is ironic that Darcy ends up with Perfect Elinor, who IMO, is truly the only faultless, noble heroine in JA’s canon. I daresay yours will benefit from the superHunsfordizing that Darcy experienced with your Perfectly Exasperating Lizzy.

    Thanks for the chuckle.

    • Another one who gets it. And I agree that Elinor is — almost — perfect. She requires the least amount of growth of all of Austen’s heroines.

      And hold off, all you Anne Elliot Wentworth fans. Anne did her growing between 1806 and 1814–the time between her refusal of Wentworth and when they met again. It just happened before the events of the story.

      As for the heroes, they ALL grow, too. That’s what makes Austen timeless.

      Thnaks for commenting!

  13. Jack, you are wicked. Thank God Elizabeth is not like this (well, once she’s grown up by the end of the novel – but even before, she wasn’t this bad…) And of course canon Darcy would not last even this long in submitting to the unjust whims of his fiancée. Doormat!Darcy grows a spine!
    I would not like this story for a full-fledged serious one, but for a farce it was hilarious! Thanks!

    P. S. I wonder if an Elinor/Darcy marriage would have really been perfect for them (I can’t really see the sparks and passion and the complementing character traits that help each other grow – which makes the canon Darcy/Elizabeth relationship so uniquely perfect.)

    • I would NEVER write this as a full-length book. This is more of a protest against those PerfectLizzy® stories out there. I see Elizabeth Darcy more like her husband–very strong and slightly regal–but with that flash of wit we all love.

      There are glimpses of her in THE THREE COLONELS. She makes a cameo appearance in THE LAST ADVENTURE OF THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL. And she and her Darcy co-star in ROSINGS PARK (once I write the blasted thing).

      As for Elinor/Darcy, don’t think that won’t work. It would very nicely. While it might not have the passion of Lizzy/Darcy, there is much to be said for quiet devotion and mutual affection.

      • I’m not saying it would not work between *your* choice of couple, just that it would not be the perfect thing that would make them both blossom to their full potential. They both might still be happy together, I can see that.
        What is stopping you from writing the “blasted thing”? Unless, of course, it’s another writing project of yours, in which case you are totally forgiven. As for The Last Adventure, is it ever going to be published? (Sorry, you brought it up!)

  14. Lizzy! Lizzy! Whatever happened to you? Did you say March Madness? Oh my, I wonder what April will bring. Hopefully you and Edward will be blissfully happy!

  15. Someone please wake me up from this nightmare! I have loved everything ELSE you have written, but this is an aberration. Seriously Mr Caldwell, you should have saved this for April 1st.

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