It’s All in the Point of View!

A few days ago I received one of those notorious “edit memos.” That’s when an editor tells the writer everything that’s wrong with her books, sometimes with useful suggestions about what might fix these problems, sometimes with rather vague instructions like, “Tighten it up” or “You need to make this the best book you’ve ever written.” I’ve been fortunate enough to get very easy edit memos to date, including the one that only told me to change two references in the book, but my latest one is a little more challenging. I need to change the point of view. (Cue scary music)
Yes, the story that was primarily from Elizabeth’s point of view now has to be primarily from Darcy’s point of view. I tend to agree (apart from the part about having to rewrite the whole thing!). The rule of thumb on choosing point of view is to choose the person who has the most at stake during a particular scene, and in a story starting in Hunsford, that’s Darcy. Elizabeth is upset about Wickham and her family, but Darcy has lost the woman he loves.

First, my original version, from Elizabeth’s point of view:


Had she dreamed it?

Elizabeth raised herself on one arm and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She must have dreamed it. It was impossible that Mr. Darcy, of all people, would have offered her his hand in marriage. Mr. Darcy, proud, unpleasant, yet undeniably the most eligible gentleman she had ever met, who could even make a declaration of ardent love sound like an insult. It must have been a dream, or in truth, a nightmare.

But it had not been a dream. She only wished it had been. Scenes from the previous night flashed before her. Mr. Darcy, coming to the parsonage ostensibly to ask after her health, but actually to declare himself. His demeaning comments about her low connections, how marriage to her would be a degradation and how society would look down on him for it. On and on he had spoken, until she had finally lost all sense of decorum to anger, and told him he was the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry.

She sat up and covered her face with her hands. Oh, she had lost her temper quite abominably! Of course, so had he, but that did not excuse it. And he might be a horrid man, but even horrid men deserved a tiny touch of compassion when being disappointed in love. She shook her head again. Mr. Darcy, in love with her? He had only ever looked at her to criticize!
Unable to bear her confused thoughts, she arose and drew the curtains open. The bright, sunny day seemed to mock her mood. Oh, heavens, she did not know whether to feel more humiliated or complimented. What would her mother say if she ever discovered that wealthy Mr. Darcy had proposed to her daughter — and she had refused? Elizabeth shuddered. Her mother would never forgive her.

She put on a good face for breakfast, which was easy enough since her cousin Mr. Collins was perfectly capable of maintaining a conversation by himself without the least input from anyone else. A few nods and murmurs of agreement were all it took. His wife, Charlotte, did not seem to notice anything was amiss with Elizabeth, but Elizabeth was relieved when breakfast ended.

And now Darcy’s point of view:
Had he missed her? This was the last path through the grove. If Darcy did not find Elizabeth here, then it was hopeless. Either she had already come and gone, or, more likely, she had never come to her favourite place at all for fear of meeting him. Perhaps he disgusted her so much that she could not bear the idea of even laying eyes upon him.

Her accusations from the previous night still echoed in his ears. He had expected her to be joyful when he proposed to her. What a fool he had been, not to realize that Elizabeth Bennet hated him. He must have looked a complete idiot, offering his heart and hand to a woman who detested him, who thought him devoid of every proper feeling. He would never forget her countenance as she told him that he was the last man in the world she could be prevailed upon to marry. She thought him selfish, immoral, and ungentlemanly; he, who any other woman would be honoured to marry!

He would never forgive her. He must have been bewitched, or he would have realized that Elizabeth was every bit as silly as her annoying mother. Did she not realize the advantages he could offer her? She would never have an offer from anyone remotely as eligible as him. She would live forever in that miserable excuse for a country town, when she might have been Mistress of Pemberley. It had been a narrow escape for him; Elizabeth could not have made it clearer that she could never manage the duties expected of his wife. So why did he not feel relieved? Why did he still feel as if he had lost something infinitely precious? He must still be bewitched.

A glimmer of white by the wall caught his eye. Suddenly heavy with foreboding, he recognized Elizabeth’s light figure, her back to him as she closed the garden gate behind her. Her face was shaded, and all he could see was the bobbing of her bonnet, but he would have recognized her gait anywhere. No other woman moved with that mesmerizing grace, like a hummingbird dipping its beak in the nectar of a ripe blossom, like a spirit come to earth to torment men’s souls. Despite everything, his body still ached for her.

He knew the instant that she saw him, for she became instantly still, as if rooted to the ground. An instant later, she began to retreat, as if hoping her presence had not been noticed, but he would not allow her to escape, not now. “Miss Bennet!” he called, forcing his feet to move in her direction, first one step, then another.

She stopped at the sound of his voice, but did not look up. She could have been a doe, poised on the brink of flight, held in check only by the gossamer threads of good manners. Now was his moment. He forced his feet to move, first one step, then another, till he stood so close to her that he could catch a whiff of her lavender scent. She stood, her gaze averted.

I’d have to agree that it comes out more dramatically from Darcy’s point of view. After all, he does have more at stake. Yet at the same time, Jane Austen chose Elizabeth’s point of view. She didn’t have the choice I do. Regency readers would have looked askance at the lady writing the part of a gentleman, and the women’s world was the one she knew, but anyone who doubts whether Jane Austen had the ability to write the point of view of a man in love need only look at Wentworth’s powerful letter to Anne in Persuasion. But what would she have done if she had the same freedom modern writers do? I wonder.

34 comments on “It’s all in the point of view!”

    1. Regina Jeffers
      G. K. Chesterton said, “Jane Austen could do one thing neither Charlotte Bronte or George Eliot could do: She could cooly and sensibly describe a man.”

    1. SuzeJA
      Mr. Darcy’s point of view is definitely more dramatic and Jane Austen I am sure would have done a fabulous job. I offen wonder what Jane Austen version would have been from Mr. Darcy’s point of view. There is nothing really said about his thinking or why he acts the way he does. It is left to our own imagination or your as the writer.

    1. Juliet Archer
      I loved this post, Abigail!For many of us – readers and writers – adding the man’s point of view to Austen is what gives her original perfect novels a new dimension.I read somewhere that Austen ‘couldn’t write a scene without a woman in it’ – but that should probably be ‘wouldn’t’. With all those brothers, she must have overheard their conversations, so had plenty of material to draw on. It’s more likely, as you say, that she felt constrained by social convention.I’m relieved about that, as otherwise we would have had even greater perfection to aspire to!

    1. Jane Odiwe
      I’m probably going to be the only one who says I prefer the woman’s point of view, not that I didn’t enjoy both of your lovely extracts – it’s just my personal preference. Really enjoyed your writing, Abigail!
    1. Vera Nazarian
      I really enjoyed reading both the versions, Abigail! I think point of view works like a stereo, when you have more than one, you get a richer “sound” and in this case, reader experience! :-)

    1. Kara Louise
      Of course both are written beautifully! I think having written both POVs, you as the author get the most out of it, learning more about each one. Thanks for the snippet!

    1. Vee
      I think you should have both. They work beautifully together Abigail! It really shows how different their thoughts are at this point!
      I loved how JA let our inaginations run wild with our own thoughts, but I find it equally as entertaining reading an author’s take on the whole relationship!
      Hope you get the final say!
      TSBO devotee
      Vee

    1. BeckyC
      Wow, Abigail! I can’t wait to read the finished product! But it is very exciting to get these teasers while we wait! Do you really have to choose? These seem to flow one right after the other. Elizabeth waking to her thoughts, then on to Darcy waiting for Elizabeth and what is going through his mind. The best of both worlds! Love it!

    1. J. Marie Croft
      Usually I prefer Darcy’s POV, simply because it’s missing from P&P; and I like your portrayal of an indignant yet bewitched Darcy.In this case, I wish you could use both his and Elizabeth’s. You’ve done a lovely job with the two versions, Abigail.Thanks for sharing.Joanne

    1. LisaS
      I am in the camp that loves both POVs and would hate to choose.What a scary memo to receive from your editor. Changing POVs seems like a lot of work. I’m glad you have such a positive attitude about it!Thank you for sharing Abigail!

    1. C. Allyn Pierson
      I feel for you- I had to completely rewrite “And This Our Life” to go from Elizabeth’s POV to Georgiana’s. I was happy to do it, because the book had evolved to really be more G’s story. I did the rewrite in 3 weeks after Deb Werksman said that if she was interested it would have to be rewritten from G’s POV. Boy did I have a headache after all those late nights, but I was very happy with the end result, and so was Deb. I basically rewrote the entire book, with a little recycling of scenes to become “Mr. Darcy’s Little Sister.”

    1. Amy Z
      Great question Abigail. How much wider Jane’s world would have been if she had the same rights we have today… and what adventures she could have described to us! In this scene I think it works either way (from his OR her viewpoint), because in truth, ultimately, as the story unfolds we realize that BOTH have much to lose — their happily ever afters…

    1. Meredith
      I loved both, but I felt the tension mount more with DArcy’s point-of-view! Great point about Jane Austen. I wonder whose point-of-view she would have writen in if she had that freedom. Did you have to change the point-of-view for this one scene or for the whole book?

    1. Abigail Reynolds
      Regina, what an excellent quote! I’ll have to remember that.Suze, if I could ask Jane Austen one question, it would be what goes on in Darcy’s mind between when he leaves Netherfield and meets Elizabeth again at Pemberley. I’m sure she knew, even if she wasn’t allowed to write it.Juliet, I’ve always thought JA knew far more about the world of men than she ever let on. Her letters certainly show us that she had no hesitation to flout convention in private with her trusted Cassandra. How I wish I could read those letters that Cassandra burnt!Jane, thanks for liking the first one, which after all was the original one I chose. I find Elizabeth difficult to write, getting the sweetness, archness, independence, and limitations together at once.Sharon, I don’t know what I’d do if I disagreed with suggested changes. I’d probably get horrible writer’s block. In this case, I’d actually already decided that I needed to put in an earlier scene from Darcy’s POV to pick up the pace, so my mind was already working in that direction.

      Vera, I agree that it can be intriguing to have both points of view, but I’m not sure how it would work in narrative structure. Fortunately, we’re writing in the age of the internet and can have it both ways. After the book is published, I’ll probably post the deleted scenes on line, and reader can take their pick. :)

      Kara, has it ever happened to you that when you change points of view, the events of the scene change? That hasn’t happened to me this time, probably because I’m following Austen’s plot line pretty closely at this point, but in the past, I’ve found that Darcy and Elizabeth sometimes have very different ideas where the scene is going. Tricky!

      Vee, one of the best things about working with JA’s characters is that she gives us so much room to explore them. She gives us the outlines, but allows room for our imagination.

      Becky, that’s an interesting idea. It could be fun to cut back and forth rapidly between points of view, but I think I’m stuck with starting with Darcy’s POV. Maybe I’ll play with it a little, though. Thanks for sharing your opinion!

      Thanks, Joanne, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to recycle some into a later book!

      Lisa, one must always have a positive attitude about editors’ suggestions. This does not, of course, preclude screaming at the computer, banging one’s head on the wall multiple times, and complaining to everyone within the vicinity about the absolute unreasonableness of it all, even if one knows the editor is perfectly correct! ;)

      Carey, I hate you. Deb only gave me 16 days. I figure that comes out to 6,000 words a day, most of it while I’m traveling to Switzerland. That’s probably as much as I dare say about my own point of view! ;)

    1. Jennifer Becton
      What an interesting look inside the Sourcebooks publishing process! Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the rewrite process.Jennifer

    1. Abigail Reynolds
      Amy, I agree that both work! Jane Austen had more leeway, though, as readers back then had more tolerance for slowly developing plots, whereas modern readers expect to be caught up immediately. I sometimes wish we had the leisure to build slowly as well!Meredith, she wants mostly Darcy. I’ve never written a single point-of-view novel; I like being able to switch back and forth, so there will still be some Elizabeth. Later in the story there are more scenes already in Darcy’s POV, especially once the Lydia subplot begins, so hopefully that will carry some of it.

    1. jewels1328
      Loved this blog!! I enjoyed both views!

    1. Abigail Reynolds
      Jennifer, thanks for the good wishes – I think I’m going to need them!Thanks, jewels – glad you liked them!

    1. Karen Wasylowski
      Excellent as always. I love Darcy so I am much more interested in his point of view. Both are intriguing though. Gorgeous pictures of the dueling Darcy’s by the way.

    1. Angie Kroll
      Though obviously both passages are great to read, it all comes down to a choice of righteous indignation vs. humiliation – which is the stronger emotion? For me, it would be humiliation, because Darcy was blindsided, while we got to see layer upon layer of Elizabeth’s issues with Darcy’s character. That was one thing that I picked up from yours, Sharon Lathan’s, and Amanda Grange’s novels. It never dawned on me that Darcy’s first emotion would be humiliation that such a ‘lowlife’ would refuse him.

    1. Angie Kroll
      Have you ever thought about writing from the point of view that George Wickham’s story being true? My favorite twist in ‘Lost In Austen’ was that Wickham let the story circulate to protect Georgiana’s reputation. What kinds of things would Darcy have to do to redeem himself in order to win Elizabeth?You can tell, Abigail, that I’ve finished the last of your novels today, (I’m recommending ‘The Man Who Loved Pride & Prejudice’ to my friend who got her master’s in microbiology. She’ll appreciate a sexy, self-assured scientist who spends long nights at the lab!)

    1. Susan Kaye
      When I was writing For You Alone it became abundantly clear that I had to write from Anne Elliot’s pov as well as FW’s. The book is odd in that her pov joins his part way through. The events do change according to the character and you can really see this in the two scenes.Thanks for the peek behind the curtain, Abigail.

    1. Heather
      I’m anxious to see where the twist fits into this story. My heart always goes out to Darcy at this part of the story.
      Heather

    1. MarySimonsen
      I have to admit that I’m more interested in Darcy’s voice just b/c we didn’t hear it from Austen, but I think both have a place, certainly the examples you gave. Good luck with the rewrite.

    1. Cindy Jones
      I love the Darcy POV. There is just something about a lovesick man…You go, girl!

    1. Kaydee
      Darcy’s p.o.v is more dramatic, but I have always loved alternating points of view. Sometimes it is more appropriate for another character’s p.o.v. to lend character and depth to the story.Alas, I am not a published author so I can attest to knowing much about what an editor would want. The whole idea of publishing process leaves me a bit terrified. You are a braver soul than I am.Cannot wait to read your next book when it comes out.

    1. suzan
      May I just say that I like many others enjoyed both POV. Perhaps Darcy’s more just due to the creative descriptions however. I loved the hummingbird, the doe and the gossamer threads especially. Incredibly beautiful word pictures. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Heather Lynn Rigaud
      DAAAAAMMMMMNNN!!! You are so so so good.As always, I’m in complete awe of your talent.And yes, I know exactly what those emails from the editor are like, and just how vauge they can be. ;)Brilliant work!

    1. Marilyn Brant
      Abigail, your writing is so lovely that either way works for me ;). Thanks for sharing both versions — it was a wonderful post! (Also, safe travels!! :)

    1. charlene
      Loved this new version. Is this in the new rewrite of one of your old books? If so, looking forward to the rewritten version! Thanks love your style girl!!:)charleneI’ve miss a lot of post. My email address got infected and I’m not good with that!

    1. Melissa A
      Wow! I enjoyed your post and reading some of the comments!

    1. Luthien84
      I wanna thank you for making my day pleasanter. Keep up the good work of writing fabulous retellings, variations, etc as Austen readers like me want more.

    1. sadriani
      Abigail, I thought both POVs were very well done. There is something more dramatic about reading the same story – any story – and living it through Darcy’s eyes though, that always seems to entice us. Perhaps you are correct: it is because Jane did not do it. He is such a beloved hero that we tend to want to know more about him and his complexities; we contemplate his train of thought at every turn, in almost every circumstance, and I know that I will never stop wondering what it is he happens to be feeling.I love posts like yours – thank you!Best,
      Susan

19 comments

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    • Sheila L. M. on February 4, 2014 at 12:24 pm
    • Reply

    Oh the angst – both you…and Mr. Darcy. I don’t know what to say. Jane Austen certainly had the ability to write from the male view point. The letter you refer to is so moving. But most of P&P is not from Darcy’s viewpoint; part of the reason that I enjoy the JAFF books written from his viewpoint, i.e., Pamela Aidan’s three books & Kara Louise’s books. I trust you will make a good decision. I have never been disappointed in any of your literature. And I wonder why your publishers wanted this change…just because he had more at stack? The author I am reading at present, has him very bitter towards Elizabeth at this point. This is a huge denial of Darcy’s hopes and dreams. He has never experienced anything like this in his life. Although he did have to watch Wickham get some favors from Darcy’s father, Darcy still had everything he needed as far as worldly goods and power of position and attention from the ton, etc. So now to encounter a woman who did NOT give recognition to what he offered; how ignorant can one person be. Surely, she had more intelligence than what he witnessed in this denial. Where was this coming from? Even with Wickham influencing her, could she not see Darcy has so much more to offer? Looking forward to reading your decision on writing.

    • Vesper Meikle on February 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm
    • Reply

    I like both of them. I am not a writer but if you change the point of view wouldn’t you have 2 different books?

    1. Yes, you could indeed have two different books. P&P would look very different if Darcy were the main character!

    • Stacie Reeder on February 4, 2014 at 12:51 pm
    • Reply

    Abigail, I liked both point of views. Its nice to get both sides of a situation. Reading both versions it is hard to say which I liked better. What ever you decide to do I know will be great and I look forward to reading it 🙂

    1. Thanks, Stacie! Sometimes it’s good to be able to try it from both sides.

    • Sarah on February 4, 2014 at 12:51 pm
    • Reply

    ~”She could have been a doe, poised on the brink of flight, held in check only by the gossamer threads of good manners.”~

    *Sigh* Love that sentence!

    It is good to know that even seasoned authors have that gut wrenching feeling when you hear that from an editor/beta. I recently heard that one a story I am writing, and I have to tell you, I chickened out and talked the beta into doing one single POV on the next story. That comment did help me really focus the scene POV’s in the one I am working on though.

    1. That gut wrenching feeling? Oh, heavens, yes. I hate getting edit memos.

    • Ceri on February 4, 2014 at 1:53 pm
    • Reply

    Is this an old post? I’m sure I’ve read the Darcy POV before. It’s interesting to see from both points of view. I liked them both, but the Darcy POV gave me shivers, so using this scientific method, I deduce that you made the right decision over which to use 🙂

    1. Yes, this is an old post. I’m moving over a few of my favorite posts from Austen Authors so that they’ll all be in the same place, but I’m also finding it interesting to read them again from my current standpoint.

    • Deborah on February 5, 2014 at 9:39 am
    • Reply

    Again, the first time I’ve seen this post. Since I have reread your books multiple times I recognize both points of view. Now I’ve got to go back into your books and figure out which ones these belong to because this will bother me until I do. The date of the original post will be helpful in determining which book it is though..

      • Ceri on February 5, 2014 at 10:09 am
      • Reply

      I did the exact same thing Deborah, did a word search on my kindle! I only looked for the Darcy POV, but that was from Mr Darcy’s Letter

      1. Yes, it’s from Mr. Darcy’s Letter, and I managed to put in parts of both points of view. This post is an old favorite post of mine. Starting a new site is giving me the opportunity to choose the best of the old one, and I’m glad it’s giving newer readers the chance to see posts that would otherwise have been buried in the backlog.

    • Sheila L. M. on February 5, 2014 at 11:45 am
    • Reply

    I am learning to pay attention to the dates as you have many others you have moved over and commenting on them makes no sense. But I do read them. At this point, I have read so many books and/or novellas that they are beginning to blend together, i.e., my comment on Chapter 16 of the Darcy Brothers last night. I will not make any comments past midnight in the future but will wait for morning and clearer thinking. LOL

    1. The dates are a little confusing since we’ve started the process of bringing over our favorite posts from Austen Authors – sort of a “Best of” anthology. After this first deluge, we’re going to be bringing on the old posts at a slower rate, just 1-2 a day, so as not to overwhelm those readers who get notified via email every time a new post is made. I only have a couple more posts in the queue, but there are plenty coming from other writers, and it’s delightful to have new readers discovering and commenting on old posts I thought were dead and buried!

    • Sheila L. M. on February 5, 2014 at 5:50 pm
    • Reply

    Ironically, I am re-reading this book, Mr. Darcy’s Letter, mentioned above, so that I can post a review on Amazon. I enjoy re-reading your books for whatever reason.

    1. Sheila, I really appreciate the work you’re putting into reviewing books for Amazon. It makes a big difference in helping us reach new readers. Thanks!

    • Chanpreet on February 10, 2014 at 11:33 am
    • Reply

    Both POV’s are great but Darcy’s is something else! Who knew that our beloved stoic Mr. Darcy had a poet’s soul? I’ve found that I enjoy books from a male POV recently. For some reason getting to experience what they feel makes a story feel complete. Of course dual POV’s are great too.

    • Deborah on February 11, 2014 at 7:54 pm
    • Reply

    So, it’s from Mr. Darcy’s letter…no wonder I’ve been going crazy trying to find it…..the laugh’s on me…..

    • Deborah on February 11, 2014 at 7:57 pm
    • Reply

    To Ceri…I looked on my NOOK…but I run after thirteen 4 year olds 50 hours a week….so, I wasn’t as diligent as I should have been. Thanks for queuing me in.

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