Get me to the church on time: Marrying for all the Right Reasons — 8 Comments

  1. I enjoyed reading this article, Maria. This sentence has me thinking of Darcy and Elizabeth: “A wealthy man might be excused for marrying a poorer woman, particularly if she were pretty and had good manners. “

  2. There always seemed to me to be a gross inconsistency in the religious attitude toward the physical side of marriage. In the Anglican service the gentleman vows to “worship his wife’s body.” Yet there are all those other warnings as well. They were also not permitted to make love on Sundays and/or Lent/Advent (no weddings could be performed during those times either as members of liturgical churches know). In many cases the advice of the bride’s mother was, “Look at the ceiling and think of England.” Most women never had full marital pleasure. Even though their husbands had probably seen ladies of the evening they never took what they were taught into their own bedrooms. Sex was a duty, an obligation, not a gift of one spouse to the other — otherwise it was — gasp — fornication. Personally, I think their definition of sin is screwed up. That was one reason why I could not put one of the titles from last year on a best of list. It really did show 18th-19th century wham-bam (I’m sorry if I have offended you; but, that book would have been better with no sex scenes at all). Jane Austen herself did not know what took place behind closed doors except most rudimentarily. I don’t think her readers even went there. Well, those are my “comments” for this day.

  3. That was interesting. Most of it I have gathered in this or that novel. Still it was educational reading it all set down in one place. Julia – I have no idea which book you are talking about…but I have read more than one novel in which Darcy had some experience and then shared it with Elizabeth. One of the more recent ones even had a book unnamed but which all readers know to be the Kama Sutra shared with Bingley and then with the wives. Another reason to be blessed to be born in today’s day and age.

  4. Very interesting post Maria! Despite our ‘enlightenment’, arranged marriages still occur in some cultures, even with the consent of both parties, there is still much fortune hunting going on and some still hold to displeasure if one marries outside their ‘social standing’!

  5. I am so glad my generation of my family did not believe in arranged marriages, but the previous did. I have an aunt, or rather had as she is now deceased, who was forced into an arranged marriage(the family had been in the US only a few years, from the Azores Islands of Portugal). I did not hear about it until much later, but it really was so sad, as she was in love with someone else, but her parents were approached by the family of this man, much older than she as I think she was only 18, and they offered money in the arrangement. Well the man was so spoiled by his family and told how he was so special, he never took the time to even try to understand her, be gentle to her, just to be the boss of his home. She was miserable, and the man she couldn’t marry ended up an alcoholic and drank himself to death. After raising 2 children to adults with both of them married, she finally left him for a man who was so good to her, they shared a love and passion that was really special to see when we visited as kids. But her first husband just insisted she must be insane to leave him, couldn’t be in her right mind, and actually tried to have her committed right after she left him; it couldn’t have been anything he had done. All are gone now, but it is so sad to think about. Sorry I think I went on too long on this one.

    Looking forward to your next installment.

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