An Exercise in “Persuasion” – Shannon Winslow’s WIP

Shannon WinslowHello everyone! I’m delighted to be doing my first post here and Austen Variation, and also for how supportive the whole JAFF community has been of our new site. A big thank-you to our readers and also to Susan, Abigail, and Grace for so ably getting the ball rolling!

After writing two satisfying P&P sequels (The Darcys of Pemberley, Return to Longbourn), I decided to broaden my horizons and move on to something different for my next Austenesque book, this time something related to my second-favorite Jane Austen novel: Persuasion (which will also be featured later this year in a major group writing project here at AV, btw!). Although Pride and Prejudice IS completely wonderful (and my first-favorite, like most people’s), the others are pretty awesome too. It would be a shame to miss out on them.

I’m just closing in on the last quarter of the book now, and it’s been a blast to write. Are you ready for a sneak peek? I’m not going to give you any set up (other than what the title provides), because I need to know if it will be clear to the reader what’s going on – both those who have read Persuasion and those who have not. That’s one reason I’m sharing this first chapter with you. The other reason is that I can’t wait! So without further adieu, here is…

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The Persuasion of Miss Jane Austen

 A  Novel,

wherein Jane Austen tells her own story of Youthful Error, Mature Love, and Second Chances

 

August, 1815

It is time.

I could not have done it even a few years ago. But now the pain – though never far from my mind – has eased to a familiar, settled presence that I can bear without distraction, and the memories are objects I can view with more tenderness than despair. 

Sitting at my writing desk at our beloved Chawton cottage, I gaze out the window toward the path that leads to the front door. No one is there; no one ever is, at least not the one most fondly looked for. And yet looking has developed into a habit of longstanding duration, an unconscious exercise in futility over the twelve years since he went away.

Now the wars against the French are finally at an end, and still he does not come. 

So, it is time to lay aside any lingering hopes I have secretly cherished in that regard. My fires are at last tolerably quenched, and I have reconciled myself to the prudence of never fanning the remaining embers ablaze again. Instead, I have determined to instill the warm essence of my recollections into a novel about youthful errors, mature love, and second chances – to write the story I would have preferred for myself, one which embodies all the early promise of the genuine article but a more felicitous conclusion than providence has seen fit to authorize. 

I shall call my captain Frederick Wentworth, and his lady will be Anne Elliot.

Jane writingMy breath catches in my throat as I hold my pen, suspended over the sheet of pristine paper. This is the moment that both thrills and terrifies me, the moment before commencing a new novel when all things are possible but nothing has yet been accomplished. To begin is to risk everything – crushing defeat, utter failure or, worse still, mediocrity. However, not taking the risk is unthinkable. I have come through successfully before, but that hardly signifies. With each new work the familiar doubts and niggling questions resurface, chiefly these. Do I really possess whatever genius it takes to do it again? And if so, what is the best way to go about it?

With the hero, the heroine, and their early meetings, I am already well acquainted. Having their basis in life has given these things an early birth in my mind. I know all about how the two met, every detail of their falling in love, and in what cruel manner their happiness was cut short. And yet the tale will not end there – not with the regrets of the past, but rather by redeeming the promise of what might still lie ahead. First, however, it is my job to set the stage, to construct a world of persons and conditions that will give their story substance – a worthy backdrop against which Anne and her captain will act out their poignant play.

The lady’s family should bear scant resemblance to my own, I have already decided. At its head, I will situate a vain and rather foolish baronet instead of a sensible country parson. There is no need – nor any advantage – to mirroring the real circumstances, long gone by, too closely. Not that I fear discovery. Few indeed are those who know the particulars of my… my disappointment. That is what Mama persists in calling it, although “disappointment” seems such a singularly inadequate word for describing what transpired.

When I consider the pain and the peace of mind it cost me…

No. I must put such feelings to one side for the sake of the task I have set for myself. Moreover, despite what knowing him took from me, it gave me far more. It gave me a true knowledge of what it means to be in love and, therefore, the ability to translate that consummate wonder into my stories. Without it, where would I be? Experience is vital to a writer, and painful experience even more valuable. Or so I have heard it said. I pray it is true, that not one moment of anxiety or one shed tear has been wasted; that would be the greatest tragedy of all.

I shake off these contemplations, and my suspended pen at last touches paper. I begin the work with these words:

Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch-hall, in Somerset-shire, was a man who, for his own amusement, never took up any book but the Baronetage; there he found occupation for an idle hour, and consolation in a distressed one; there his faculties were roused into admiration and respect, by contemplating the limited remnant of the earliest parents; there any unwelcome sensation, arising from domestic affairs, changed naturally into pity and contempt, as he turned over the almost endless creations of the last century – and there, if every other leaf were powerless, he could read his own history with an interest which…

 A familiar creak of the door interrupts my progress, alerting me to someone’s approach.

Mrs Austen“What? Are you writing again, Jane?” asks my mother bustling into the room. “I thought you had finished that tiresome book weeks ago.”

“This is a new one, Mama,” I answer evenly.

“A new one! Good gracious, girl, will you never be satisfied? A little poetry now and again, such as I myself have written, would do you no harm, but I do not understand this obsession with the novel. How many will it take to get this fever out of your brain once and for all?”

“Writing novels is not an illness that need be recovered from. It is my work; it is what I do.”

“Yes, so you have told me. But all the same, I thank heaven no one much beyond the family knows of it. Though your father may not have objected, I cannot think it a perfectly fit occupation for a young lady. I never have. It is far too taxing on the mind and it will one day ruin your health completely; mark my words. You see how my own health has declined, and you are so thin that I sometimes worry you cannot be quite well either.”

“My constitution is perfectly sound, Mama as is yours. Besides, my earnings help to put food on our table,” I remind her.

“Nevertheless, I should have put an end to the business years ago, had I known the mischief to which it would lead. Sensible girls stop believing in fairy stories when they grow up, else how are they to marry ordinary men and be happy? That was always your problem, Jane: too high expectations. You had your chances – suitable men, any one of whom would have made you a very satisfactory husband – but nobody could measure up to Mr. Darcy or Mr. Knightley, I suppose.”

Experience had taught me that arguing this reoccurring charge would be pointless. So I bite my tongue and wait for Mama to continue on her way and out of the room.

She is entirely wrong, of course, as to where the problem lies. Mr. Knightley and Mr. Darcy are not to blame, for it is against quite a different gentleman that every other I meet with is measured and found wanting. Although through subsequent revisions I have imbued each of my literary heroes with portions of his character, not one of them embodies the original completely. Perhaps Mr. Bingley best portrays my captain’s amiability, Darcy his essential integrity and aristocratic air, and Mr. Knightley his spirit of true nobility. Poor Colonel Brandon has the misfortune to share the same haunted expression of having witnessed first hand so much of the cruelty of which men are capable.

Each one of these sketches is an incomplete portrait, however; it is only in Captain Wentworth that all the true qualities will at last be united. In him I will duplicate what I remember from our early meetings and add the traits I have ascribed to the gentleman since. Whatever else, I must believe him on some level constant to me even now – in life or in death. God only knows if he has survived the war, but at least I have every reason to believe he long since forgave me my weakness at the critical moment. I could not bear it if he were alive in this world and still thinking ill of me. Or is it possible he no longer thinks of me in any way? Is that why I have never heard one word from him?

These are home questions – ones I will have to address eventually as the chapters of my book progress. For the moment, however, I intend to entertain myself with other, less perplexing personalities.

Anne Elliot’s family begins taking shape on the page before me. I write of a foolish father whose extravagance has sunk the family’s finances, a prudent mother who died far too young, an imperious older sister, and no brothers at all – everything my own family is not. Only Lady Russell bears a tolerable likeness to a person of my own circle. In her, I revive something of my former friend and mentor Madam Lefroy, now ten years gone and more.

So many of our friends have left us: my father, Madam Lefroy, Eliza, Anne, Elizabeth, and Fanny, as well Cassandra’s Mr. Fowle. Although gone from sight, they remain in my mind… and a few live again and forever on the page, thanks to my pen. It is one type of immortality, or is that presuming too much? Books come and go much like people, and it is not to be supposed that the modest literary efforts of a clergyman’s daughter will make much of a lasting impression on the world. Doubtless a hundred years from now, no one will remember a sea captain called Wentworth or have read his story.

And yet, I must try.

Continuing at my labor, I introduce William Walter Elliot, Esq., and name him heir presumptive to the Elliot estate of Kellynch. Surely, had the young man any manners at all, he ought to thank me for the gift of his one day being made a baronet, as he has clearly done nothing to earn the honor and much to disparage it. Still, it is for the current baronet that I reserve my greatest scorn and severest censure – for his absurd airs, for his monetary irresponsibility, and for his failure to value the one of his three daughters truly worth esteeming.

 Elizabeth had succeeded, at sixteen, to all that was possible, of her mother’s rights and consequence; and being very handsome and very like himself, her influence had always been great, and they had gone on together most happily. His two other children were of very inferior value. Mary had acquired a little artificial importance, by becoming Mrs. Charles Musgrove, but Anne, with an elegance of mind and sweetness of character, which must have placed her high with any people of real understanding, was nobody with either father or sister: her word had no weight; her convenience was always to give way; – she was only Anne.

Poor Anne is consigned to the shadows – by loss of bloom and by neglect of her own family. She must bear her sorrows and their disregard a while longer, but not forever. Her true radiance will eclipse them all in the end; I will see to that.

Captain WentworthThe hours pass without my noticing, and soon my first chapter rests before me – complete if not yet perfected. It is a good day’s work, an excellent beginning, and I know I will enjoy pleasant dreams tonight. But will they be dreams of Captain Wentworth or of Captain Devereaux? In truth, it makes no difference, for to my mind they are one and the same.

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So, what do you think? Did you understand the premise and what was going on? Did your familiarity (or unfamiliarity, as the case may be) with the novel Persuasion enhance / inhibit your enjoyment of the piece? My intention was to give you enough information to follow the action, and yet leave enough unsaid to keep you intrigued. That can be tricky. Did I succeed or could I do better somewhere? Your comments and suggestions (on these questions or any others) are very welcome. I want to make this the best book possible. Thank you!

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  1. Shannon, I love this already!!! I know and adore Persuasion as well as P&P, so I did have a sense of plot familiarity going in, but I think that a reader who doesn’t necessarily know the story would still understand your first chapter…and I am wholeheartedly intrigued about Jane’s relationship with the mysterious Captain Devereaux! Truly, you have hooked me already — can’t wait until you finish this novel and release it! (Hurry. 🙂 )

    1. Believe me, I’m trying to hurry, Marilyn. I’d love to hole up someplace where I have no other demands and just write! Thanks for your comment. I’m so glad you enjoyed chapter 1!

    • Erika Messer on February 17, 2014 at 2:18 am
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    I thought it was fantastic! I love Persuasion as well and am familiar with it and think you did a great job 🙂 I agree with Marilyn above – please finish this soon LOL 😀

    1. Yay! I’m so glad there are other Persuasion enthusiasts out there. I’m hoping to cultivate a few more before I’m through.

    • Anji on February 17, 2014 at 3:29 am
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    Shannon, like you, Persuasion is my second favourite Jane Austen novel. Your first chapter above looks really promsing. Will you be posting any more of it here, or do we have to wait for the whole thing to be published? If the latter, I’ll definitely be putting it on to my ever increasing Wish List.

    My familiarity with the source work certainly made this extract emjoyable. If I hadn’t read it, I think I’d be wanting to go and get a copy straight away. I’m looking forward to finding out more about the mysterious Captain Devereaux.

    P.S. The picture you’ve posted above of Captain Wentworth, as he was portrayed by Ciaran Hinds, is my favourite FW in screen adapations so far.

    1. I always expect that people will read my books because they love Jane Austen, but I’ve been delighted to find it sometimes works the other way round (as you imply in your comment). What a privilege to be the one who introduces a person to JA! As for more excerpts, I haven’t decided, so please put me on your wish list!

    • Ceri on February 17, 2014 at 5:01 am
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    This is such a good beginning, I was immediately drawn into the story. I have read Persuasion many times because, like you, it’s my second favourite Austen, so it was clear where you were going with this. I would think that it would be clear to somebody who hasn’t read Persuasion that it’s a story of second chances, so they wouldn’t be lost. I think generally you’re only going to get the full effect from a story based on Persuasion if you’ve read that book, but the backstory of Anne and Wentworth isn’t dealt with in much detail in Persuasion, it’s more to do with her feelings of regret and continuing love and I think this is communicated well in your excerpt.

    1. Thank you for your insightful comments, Ceri!

    • Maggie Griscom on February 17, 2014 at 7:33 am
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    I enjoyed the beginning. The premise was obvious from the description of the pain that was never far from her mind. This is a reflection on what was at that time considered a “small” life with regret to the much larger life that Jane Austen has now. Being the odd person out Persuasion is my favorite Austen novel so I am glad to see the telling of that story by Jane Austen herself. Thanks for the preview.

    1. You’re most welcome, Maggie. Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Theresa M on February 17, 2014 at 8:06 am
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    I love everything Persuasion and am happy to think your site will feature it as a group write later on!
    Your premise is interesting in the idea that Anne and Wentworth mirror Jane’s own life. I could picture Jane writing it. Thank you!

    1. Yes, it’s going to be a Persuasion kind of year, Theresa!

    • Sheila L. M. on February 17, 2014 at 9:23 am
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    Before I attempt to read this may I say that the font is very small for me.

    1. Sorry about that, Sheila. I’ve increased the font to 14. Hope that helps.

    • RosannaK on February 17, 2014 at 9:40 am
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    How very intriguing and exciting of a start. I look forward to reading the entirety in the future. I understood completely the premise of your story and perhaps anyone who reads this excerpt without having read Persuasion will open that novel as well. All the best on the completion of the book.

    1. I would love it if this post encourages people to read Persuasion for the first time. It’s such a wonderful, but often overlooked, book. Thank you for your comment, Rosanna!

    • Deborah on February 17, 2014 at 12:16 pm
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    I loved the story and the point of view if was written from. I found it vweu waay to follow. I really enjoyed seeing what was going on on the writer’s head. I was sorry when it ended and can’t wait to read more. It was a let down when it ended. Absolutely love the story as it is.

    1. Sorry to let you down, Deborah, but I trust it will only be temporary. I hope to have the book out in August!

        • Deborah on February 17, 2014 at 5:20 pm
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        Since absence makes the heart grow fonder may be safe to say anticipation will make the story sweeter.

        1. What a lovely thought!

    • Kathy on February 17, 2014 at 2:35 pm
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    I’m looking forward to reading more! I also love Persuasion, and I agree with another commenter who said we don’t get to revel in the Anne-Frederick relationship together before they were separated, so I hope we can see some of that. Initially, I thought that this was going to have something to do with Cassandra, as didn’t she have an understanding with a gentleman who died while serving in the military? But I quickly realized we are talking about Jane. I also see that you have portrayed what Jane must have suffered from family members or others who thought her being an author was some quirky hobby that wasn’t worthy of continuing.

    1. Yes, Kathy, Cassandra was engaged to a man named Tom Fowle, who died of a fever while away on an expedition. And JA’s family was actually very supportive of her writing in general – they were a very literary bunch. I just chose to use Mrs. Austen to voice some of the social constraints of the time (against novels being a legitimate literary form and against “ladies” having a paid profession of any kind).

      I’ve always wondered why JA didn’t give us more about Anne and Cpt. Wentworth’s early relationship, when they first fell in love and got engaged. So I gave that a lot of thought and provided some explanation for it in the book, as well as a more comprehensive look at the early stage of Jane’s romance with her captain.

  2. This sounds wonderful, Shannon! And Persuasion is my second favorite novel!

    1. Persuasion fans, unite! Thanks, Kara.

  3. I agree with Kara. Persuasion is a close second to P&P for me. Nicely done.

    1. Thank you, Susan. Glad you enjoyed Chapter 1. As one of my favorite beta readers, you’ll be among the first to get a look at the rest when it’s finished. 😉

    • Maggie Griscom on February 17, 2014 at 4:21 pm
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    I didn’t know where else to put this comment. I have been sitting at my computer all day today and all day for the last 2 weeks writing technical notes. But I have found a group of friends with Austen Variations. Some “old” friends that I have read before and some new that have been added to my TBR list. Put as I have worked to distraction this last few weeks to meet a deadline that moves on a daily basis, I know that that I can stop for a minute and read comments and conversations from my friends. I haven’t had much time to read and there are still several comments in my inbox to be read but I really feel welcome and cheered by reading eveyones comments and writing. Thank you so much. I may have gone around the bend this last 3 weeks without the chance to read all the wonderful things here.

    1. I’m delighted if we can brightened your day, Maggie. I know I speak for the other authors too when I say that encouraging comments like yours certainly brighten ours! Hope your work load lets up soon so you can get back to more important things, like reading novels. 😉

    • Liz Castillo on February 17, 2014 at 5:06 pm
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    Love it! Love It! Love It!!! I am so excited and cannot wait for the finished book!!!

    Thanks Shannon for the lovely excerpt!!

    ~ Liz

    1. Good to hear from you, Liz. I’ll get the rest to you as soon as I can!

    • Sarah Espenscheid on February 17, 2014 at 8:37 pm
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    I love Persuasion! It’s my favorite Austen book. I’m so glad you decided to do a story based on that novel. I remember you saying awhile back that you were going to attempt it. It sounds like it’s going to be great!

    1. Yes, it’s going well, Sarah, although I have the most difficult part left to go, since I’ve now left the Persuasion story line behind and I’m out there on my own for the ending. Fingers crossed that I can pull it off!

    • Sophia Rose on February 17, 2014 at 10:07 pm
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    Persuasion is my favorite. I love your premise that this is Jane’s secret romance. I like that it sounds like a story within a story and it has me eager to get the end. I think I got where you are going with this and the title makes sense.

    Looking forward to the rest, Shannon.

    1. Thanks for the feedback, Sophia. Glad the title makes sense. I had a different one in mind, which I loved the sound of. But it didn’t give the reader any clue of the premise.

    • Leslie on February 18, 2014 at 7:32 am
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    I think that the first person POV will engage the reader right from the start, especially those who know a little of JA’s life. The ‘ room of one’s own’ scene ought to engage anyone else out there who has ever had trouble with constant interruptions – no matter what their line of work. Since Persuasion is my favorite, I am eager to read your book!

    1. I’m glad to hear there are so many Persuasion fans out there. Thanks, Leslie!

    • TLeighF on February 18, 2014 at 3:27 pm
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    It is a very intersesting premise to show how JA infused herself and people she knew into her work. It seems that she had a relatively sheltered life, especially when she began writing at such a tender age, so it makes sense that people she knew would be some basis for her characters. I am certainly interested to know more about Captain Devereaux!

    I am familiar with Persuasion (though have only read it twice) and everything here made sense to me. I think it will appeal to people who haven’t read it.

    Good luck finishing it up!

    1. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments and good wishes!

  4. It is exceptional, Shannon. This is coming from someone who has read and love Persuasion as much as Pride and Prejudice. I want to meet this Captain Devereaux. Is he a French btw cos the name sounds French to me. Do continue writing the novel because I can’t wait to read the final product.

    1. Yay! I’m so glad you liked chapter 1, and yes, Devereaux is French (the man and the name) – a bit of a problem, considering that the French and English had been at war for years, but you’ll get to read all about that later!

    • Carole in Canada on February 19, 2014 at 8:48 pm
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    Beautifully written Shannon! Persuasion is a favourite of mine and I look forward to reading this when you are done! I just read this past week ‘The Darcy’s of Pemberley’ and loved it. Looking forward to reading the next one too!

    1. Yay for TDOP, my flagship! I hope you’ll read them all in time. Thanks, Carole.

    • Beatrice on February 20, 2014 at 5:17 am
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    Simply charming. Beautifully written and charming. Thank you!

    1. Thanks for your encouragement, Beatrice!

    • Nancy Luther on February 22, 2014 at 2:41 am
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    I loved what I just read and can hardly wait for the finished book. However, I want you to know that other than P&P, “Return to Longbourn” is one of my all-time favorites. Can’t get that wonderful love story out of my head! I have read it over and over. Will there be any more to it? Your writing talent is so appreciated!

  5. You’ve made my day, Nancy, to hear you love RTL so much! It’s always tricky to write a sequel to a happily-ever-after romance, though. At this point, I consider the series complete (P&P, The Darcys of Pemberley, and Return to Longbourn = a trilogy), but I would be open to revisiting the idea of adding on if inspiration strikes!

    PS – Have you read “For Myself Alone” yet?

    • Sheila L. M. on February 25, 2014 at 8:49 pm
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    Thank you for enlarging the font size. There do seem to be a lot who say Persuasion is their favorite. I have the DVD with Ciaran Hinds as well 2 others and that version is the one I consider closest to the original story by JA. This story is already intriguing. How often will we see chapters? I am looking forward to “the rest of the story”. Very interesting start – pulling me in already.

    1. The book is nearing completions, Sheila, and so I hope to have it available in its entirety this summer. Not sure I’ll post any more chapter here before that. I agree with you on your movie choice, btw!

  1. […] comes out later this year (August?). To whet your appetite for the new book, sample chapter 1 here at Austen Variations. I’d like to know what you think of […]

  2. […] own life and those she records in her book. Read chapter one of The Persuasion of Miss Jane Austen here at Austen […]

  3. […] meantime, I invite you to brush up on Persuasion itself, read my first chapter (in previous post here at Austen Variations), and peruse a never-before-seen excerpt (Jane meets Captain Devereaux) at […]

  4. […] I invite you to brush up on Persuasion itself, read my first chapter  (in an earlier post here at Austen Variations), and peruse the never-before-seen excerpt (Jane meets Captain Devereaux) […]

  5. […] in on Jane’s thoughts (see excerpt here at Austen Variations) as she sits down to begin writing her last, most poignant novel. Meet […]

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